Satan Unzips / 4.19 Marie and Frank's New Friends

Alex: Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University.

Shut up.

As you know, each week you're required to watch an episode of

Everybody Loves Raymond Watch.

Raymond.

Shut up.

This week's episode is season four, episode 19.

Marie and Frank's new friends, Frank and Marie, make friends with a couple that

have similar personalities to their own.

Oh, I'll be friends.

You don't need friends.

Uh, we recommend watching the show as soon as possible to prepare

for what you're about to hear.

Also, to the student who posted that today was bring your grandpa to Workday.

Excellent.

April Fools joke.

Hold to go home.

I want you to die.

Adam: Uh, I think they're in this one.

Come, come on.

Alex: Um, Hey.

Hey.

We're not doing anything weird in the corner.

Come on, Mike.

Let's stand up and walk away from that.

What are you guys doing in the corner of this empty classroom?

Mike: No, don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

I am going to stand up and please do not worry about the

bong shaped bulge in my pants.

Adam: Mike, your zipper.

Mike.

If I worried about every bulge in your pants, I would not get anything done

Mike: weirdly.

That's flattering.

Adam: Yeah.

Anyway.

Uh, are you guys decent?

I'll open the door all the way.

If you're decent, it's okay.

Yeah, you

Alex: can come

Adam: in.

I don't mind.

I'm good.

Okay.

Mike, are you sure You don't wanna, like, maybe sit back down?

Why?

Maybe just sit back down.

Why?

I don't know.

As far as bulges go, it's very aggressive.

Alex: I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm just gonna tie my sweatshirt around your waist.

Oh, okay.

Adam: Mike.

And I think it would help if you didn't put your one leg up on the

desk, like in a mountaineering pose.

I'm, I know.

I'm just stretching.

This is, this is normal.

You are stretching all of the fabric of your clothes.

You're super tight pants.

You're frankly busting out, Mike.

Mike: Ah, thank you.

I even,

Adam: I've been, I did not mean it as a compliment.

Alex, why don't you just stand in front of Mike.

That might be the way to do it.

Okay,

Alex: guys, there's an issue here.

Uh oh.

Mike, is that a bong in your pocket?

Mike: Uh, used to be.

Now it's a lot of broken glass.

Oh, okay.

I thought you were just happy to see it.

No, it was, it was, you know, it was stretching.

It broke.

Yeah.

Okay.

So

Adam: just to clarify, before I, I do have somebody with me, I should say.

I'm, I'm about to introduce you guys to somebody.

Mike: Okay.

Oh, I should, I should take the glass.

Mike, empty the glass outta your pants.

Yeah.

So just to, just to be clear,

Adam: Mike was, I guess, hiding.

I don't know why you A, were smoking your bong in here, in this classroom,

and b, why when I arrived you felt the need to hide it down your pants.

We

Alex: thought you were a teacher and then we got embarrassed.

Mike: Yeah.

Sorry, that, let me just drop my dress real quick.

Uh, so, uh, as I, I gotta remove, um,

Adam: you have to remove.

Mike: Yep.

Adam: I'm just gonna, I'm actually gonna close the door again and like, we'll just

pretend this never hap we'll just pretend.

Restart.

This never happened.

Yeah.

We'll just start, we'll start, start this part over.

That's, forget, forget everything you've heard through the, through

the door being a jar and just.

First impression.

Here we go.

3, 2, 1. Knock knock.

Hello, are my friends in here?

Mike: Oh yes.

Hi.

We're here being normal.

Mike, zip your pants Adam.

I'm sorry.

I disappointed you.

You mean a lot to me as a friend and I really don't wanna make you mad.

You

Adam: know what, actually, I'm sorry, Mike.

Well drop it.

Just be normal.

Okay.

Okay.

Normal.

Okay, we're gonna try one more time.

Okay.

Okay.

Closing the door.

And I'm so sorry about this.

Normally they're great guys.

I promise.

Okay.

Knock, knock.

Hello.

Are my friends in here?

Yes.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, good.

This is normal.

This is normal.

Oh, Mike.

Okay.

Hey guys.

Hey Adam.

Hey Mike.

Alex.

Hey person.

I dunno.

I would like to introduce you to Joe.

Hey, I met him out on the quad this afternoon.

Really cool guy.

We did a little hacky sack and what can I say?

We hit it off and.

I thought maybe he would wanna come and, you know, join the, join the Barone

Alex: boys a little

Adam: bit.

Like, you know, maybe just hang out, join the,

Alex: we, we, we just met this man.

He said one word.

Adam: I thought maybe he could guest, you know, not on the podcast,

but in us, you know what I mean?

Mike: You, you're, I smoked weed once and you're already replacing me.

Adam: I'm not.

My god dammit, Mike, calm down, smoking weed.

That's cool.

Mike: Oh, he, he gets it.

Adam: Anyway, Joe, this is Alex.

Uh, you might recognize him.

I don't know.

You, you said you were from out of state, but, uh, he was the

mayor of Lynbrook until recently.

Yeah, whatever.

And this is Mike.

Uh, Mike.

Mike Lee.

Mike Lee, Mike l

Mike: Hey, I'm Mike.

Nice to meet you.

Adam: He's not normally crying this openly.

Normally it's kind of muffled and like he puts his like lower

half of his face in his shirt.

You know what I mean?

No.

Crying's cool.

Alex: Oh, that's

Adam: cool.

Alex: Yeah, it's, it's, it's cool for, for guys to cry.

I get it.

Oh,

Adam: nice.

I respect, yeah, Joe's really in touch with his emotions.

I feel like.

Uh, 'cause we were talking about some pretty deep stuff

out on the quad, mid sack.

Yeah.

Like what?

Well, I mean, Joe, do you mind if I share it with, with the guys?

Nah, Mike's cool.

He can handle it.

Oh, that must be new for you to hear.

All right.

Thanks.

I'm right here.

Well, Alex, Alex obviously, I mean, you know, he's just being

sensitive to like, Mike's fragile, uh, obviously fragile state.

No, I just think he's cool.

Do you guys remember this?

Never comes up with us.

Do you remember the miracle on the Hudson when Sully landed the plane on the Hudson?

I don't think we've ever talked about this once.

Mike: I haven't thought about it in a bit.

Yeah.

Why?

Joe was Sully's copilot.

Yeah, whatever.

Joe is the co You were the co-pilot.

Didn't the co-pilot throw Sully under the bus immediately in the movie

and like try to get him arrested?

That's the movie, Mike.

Oh, that's the movie.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know, so did that not happen?

Adam: I don't know.

I don't know.

I've only seen the movie.

Mike: Joe, did you try to arrest Sully?

Adam: I don't know.

I've only seen the movie.

Cool.

See, he's a cool guy, guy's.

Awesome.

He's lived, he's got cool life experiences.

We were going to go, you know, get something to eat

down at the student union.

Well, I'm pretty hungry.

Okay.

I thought maybe you guys would wanna join us, spend some time with Joe.

Yeah.

And, and just, you know, hang out.

Yeah, whatever.

I don't have any classes today.

Do you guys have classes today?

Alex: None that I need to go to.

Yeah.

No, I'm good.

I,

Mike: yeah, I, I got some blood running down my, my, my legs, but I

can, I can, I can handle that later.

That's fine.

That's fine.

Adam: Okay.

Um, we'll, we'll go And, um, Joe, by the way, doesn't have

class because Joe, tell him.

I mean, congratulations by the way.

Alex: Hmm.

Yeah, it's whatever.

Uh, my dad's got some money, so I just, uh, I just get the degree at the end.

He bought it.

He bought it.

Mike: He bought, you just bought

Alex: the

Mike: de.

Alex: How much did that

Mike: set

Alex: you back?

Like, I don't know,

Adam: five, five a five mill?

Yeah.

You know, when you, when you have as much money as Joe does, you just

kind of, everything's in mills.

It's easiest.

Alex: Oh yeah.

It's my dad's.

It's not really mine.

Joe, what was the, what was your degree in that you bought?

Neuroscience.

Mike: Oh.

Oh, that's a, that's like a real one.

That's that's pretty, that's pretty big.

Wow.

That's, he was telling me that

Adam: he's already, you know, like got a job at a hospital.

He is done two brain surgeries already and they went fine.

Two.

Yeah,

Alex: it was pretty funny.

Damn.

Adam: Well, 'cause Joe, you were telling me that the surgery was actually.

Moving one brain between like moving brains between people doing a swap.

Alex: Yeah.

I dunno why it's so hard.

You just pick it up and put it somewhere else.

I do the same thing with like the mouse at my computer.

Adam: I believe they, they're calling it Freaky Friday

surgery and it's kind of sweet.

I mean, it's sweeping Lynbrook.

It was a mother daughter.

Yeah.

My mom doctor is a bitch and mm-hmm.

I don't see how I'm.

Ever gonna be able to understand her perspective.

Alex: And my daughter never respects me, let me tell you.

Yeah.

And also she doesn't subscribe to my typical accent either.

She just totally ignores me.

Adam: Her accent, that accent is fake.

Okay.

Yeah, this seems hard.

Alex: Yeah, it's totally legit.

I grew up with the joy, so shawl.

Okay, joy show.

Sorry.

I'm okay.

Are I'm normal.

My daughter doesn't respect me,

Adam: so she wants us to get this stupid freaky Friday surgery and, you know.

No, I got,

Mike: I, I got you.

I need to mention, have you guys, I, I, legally, I have to ask, have you

guys tried like therapy or talking out

Adam: and out?

No, no.

I refuse.

We're gonna do this instead.

Mike: Okay, cool.

Joe, get the chainsaw.

Alex: That's the sound I make when I find the chainsaw.

Mike: Nice job Joe.

Adam: We see Mike, Adam, Alex, and Joe walking across campus.

Alex and Adam are kind of, you know, keeping normal pace, but Joe is kinda

walking a little bit faster to keep up with Mike, who kind of scurries.

Mike: Mike is booking it, trail blood behind, uh, as he goes.

So Joe, you, you, you, it's rare I'm able to get someone that keeps up with me.

Oh

Alex: yeah.

You, you must be pretty hungry, man.

Mike: I'm, I'm starving.

Very hungry.

Alex: Ah, mm-hmm.

I, yeah, I, I mean, I could eat too.

What do you like to eat, man?

Oh,

Mike: I eat, I eat everything.

I eat waffles.

I eat burgers.

I eat, uh, I, I eat sriracha salt.

It's just sometimes just straight from the bottle.

That's great.

That's,

Alex: that sounds like everything.

Hey, are you guys talking about sriracha up there?

That sounds cool.

Can I, let's, uh, let's talk a little bit more about that.

Let's talk about that together.

Joe, what's

Mike: your favorite kind of hot sauce?

Is it sriracha or is it Frank's?

What, what, what's your, what's your go-to?

Alex: Uh, you know, all kind of hot sauce is fine, but Sriracha's

gotta be the go-to for me.

They got good sriracha here.

It's fine.

When we go

Mike: to go to down to, down to the Olympic diner, they

got, they got prime sriracha.

Oh yeah.

On campus.

It's fine.

It's just, it's just normal.

Ooh, we should, we should like compare, you know?

We should, oh, you know what?

That's great.

We should do like a hot ones, but it's just taste testing sriracha.

Alex: That's badass,

Mike: man.

That's badass.

Yeah.

Alex: You got some good ideas, man.

Mike: Oh, you know, I have never heard that before.

No one has ever said that to me once.

Adam: We see a montage, yakity sacks underneath of Mike proposing to various

women over the course of his life and all of them saying, this is a bad idea, Mike.

Alex, what do you think they're talking about up there?

They're really booking it.

I thought, kind of thought, you know, we would all stay together as a group

and like, you know, hang out, but I,

Alex: I don't know, Adam, you just bring this guy around and then

like, uh, like you, you seem to really like care what he thinks.

Not that I care what he thinks.

He's just a regular guy.

I don't really, I don't need his approval.

Adam: Alex, I want it.

I mean, I, I want all of us to equally have his approval.

I want a new person to come in to the group and kind of liven

another man and kind of liven up the dynamics a little bit.

You know,

Alex: it really has been feeling like we need another white guy around here.

Adam: I know, that's what I've been saying.

Um, 'cause frankly, you know, we just paid off the mortgage on the dorm

room and nobody came to the party.

Yeah.

We threw away our student

Alex: loans in the garbage fire.

Yeah.

We set our student loans on

Adam: fire and, um, that kept us warm for several days because we did do it

all paper and it was a lot of loans.

Oh yeah.

Well, we took out ones that we didn't really need, um, boat, which I don't

think they should offer, frankly.

Alex: Yeah.

So you actually have a boat, huh?

Mike: Yeah, we got a boat.

Yeah.

It's, it's ours now.

We burnt all the money on it.

Oh, that's cool, man.

Have you ever been on it?

Oh, yeah.

No.

Several times.

Several times.

One time, um, I I, one time they used it to get my body from the bottom of a leak.

Adam: Mike, are you trying to remember details about our past adventures?

Do you need my help up there?

Alex: No, I'm good actually.

I'm good.

Oh, he, he's got it.

He's, he's a very engaging storyteller.

It's called Robbo Botone,

Adam: remember?

Mike: Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So anyway, yeah, it's called, uh, from

Adam: season two.

Mike: It's called the sub Barone mean, uh, sub sub Barone Marine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, it's great.

God.

Do you ever get a break from this guy?

No.

You never really do.

How many women have you rejected

Alex: your proposals

Mike: over

Alex: your life?

I've only rejected women.

They don't reject me.

Adam: I see a montage with the ade sacks underneath women throwing diamond rings at

Joe, and he hacky sacks 'em back at them.

Ugh,

Alex: gross.

Adam: No.

Cut back to the present.

Yeah.

Uh,

Alex: we see a shot of, I'm not gay, I'm just very picky and I'm also bisexual.

Adam: Cool.

Oh

Alex: shit,

Adam: dude.

Anyway, we see in the present a shot, um, over, um, here's

another season two callback.

So Lynbrook University, the camp is kind of abuts Jonah Hill, which is the

highest point in Lynbrook, if you recall.

Uh, no relation.

And, uh, we see Alex and Adam Crest the top of the hill and

uh, it's a very wide shot.

And we see Mike and Joe like kinda walking down the hill, walking in

the distance down to Lynbrook proper.

They're going to the diner.

Wait, I thought we were going to the student union.

I guess they're going off ahead.

Oh man.

I wanted Joe to be my friend.

I, this is, I mean, I'm sure it's fine, but this is a little frustrating.

So I wanted to introduce Joe to the group, but kind of make it seem like I am, you

know, the leader of the Barone boys.

And like, like, I kind of wanted it to seem like I'm the, the alpha

Alex: Adam, like in all realism, like I was the mayor and Mike is like,

Mike's the Scooby duo of our group.

You know, he's the mascot.

Well, he

Adam: does eat those snacks.

Alex: Like people come for him.

Even though we give the content.

Alex people come Alex

Adam: for him.

Nobody comes for Mike.

Come on.

Alex: That's funny.

I'm gonna laugh some more.

Mike: That, that hurt my feelings.

The camera moves back towards the now essentially sprinting, uh, Mike and

Joe, uh, you, they, they are walking at a normal pace, but you see in the

background, it's just a blur of motion.

They're moving as they fast Yes.

As they're going towards the, towards the diner.

Yeah.

Man, I, I just, we've, they've been on so many adventures, but sometimes it

just feels like they don't respect me.

It's, it's insane.

Alex: Oh, that's, that's radical man.

Yeah.

Who wouldn't respect you?

Uh, most women.

Yeah.

You know, sometimes people don't know what they want until it's too late.

Yeah.

Have you ever dealt with deals with Satan?

Mike: Uh, only twice.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

'cause I'm in.

Yeah.

It, this is, this is a whole thing.

I'm currently dealing with the fact that I actually had forgotten about this part of

my, uh, of my story until very recently.

Oh yeah.

But, you know, I made a, made a deal with Satan.

He's living in my skull until I have sex with a woman.

Alex: Oh, hey man.

Uh, okay, well actually maybe we could help each other out.

'cause Sorry.

Real

Adam: quick.

We zoom in hard and fast on Mike's Iris and we see Satan in there.

He's paid off the mortgage on Mike's skull.

He is burning it.

Okay.

Zoom out.

Alex: He, he, he's in like a little chair, just like watching a little tv.

Seeing Mike's, uh, what Mike sees,

Mike: he un fastens his belt unzips as he, as he sits down.

Yeah.

Adam: Unzips by the way, Satan unzips huge dick.

Okay.

Zoom outta Mike's iris and we're back.

Yeah.

Alex: Yeah.

I got beef with Satan too, just a little bit.

Oh yeah.

You know, how do you think my dad got all his money?

Oh, he made a deal with Satan.

Of course.

Oh shit.

Mike: What did your dad, what does your dad do?

Alex: Uh, he has money.

Dude, that fucking

Adam: rules cut to Wall Street, man.

Walking very fast through downtown Manhattan.

Uh, lower Manhattan.

Mike: We gotta, we got short doing big

Adam: business, big suit, et cetera.

Mike: Move.

We gotta, we gotta move the shares.

We gotta move them over to the other mutual fund.

We gotta come on to it.

I'm Mr. Joe, and you better do what I say.

Let's go.

Come on, come on.

Adam: Oh, Mr. Joe.

Yes, Mr. Joe.

I can't keep up.

You gotta move.

He's fast-paced.

Investment, banking, lifestyle.

Too much for me.

Mike: Then you gotta get your shit together.

We go from bell to bell.

You wanna be ringing out that bell.

You wanna be making money?

You gotta be moving here.

Alex: There's so much money to make my fingers hurt from counting it all.

Cut 'em off.

Let's go.

Okay.

That was a, that was a mistake.

Yeah, that just kind of, that just kind of does what he does.

Adam: Hey, fellas, can I get you, can I get you two top?

What are you, are you expecting anyone else?

You want a booth?

What do you want?

Mike: Oh, we, I guess we lost Adam and Alex.

Um, I didn't notice.

Yeah.

Give us a two top and give us eight bottles of sriracha each.

Adam: Oh my god.

Spicy.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll go to the back and, uh, I'll bring you guys some waters too.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Alex: Mike, I love the way you handled that.

I like you, Joe.

You respect me.

Well, you know, Mike, it's hard to, uh, it's hard to find, uh, respectable

people in this world and Yeah.

You know, there's some kind of it factor that you have.

Oh, yeah.

Um, anyway, your, your issue with Satan, I think I can help you out.

Oh, yeah.

Because I also have to get outta my deal with Satan.

Oh.

If he had a clause, there's this thing I like to do.

You could call it a convention of sorts.

Satan come.

Uh, kind of, uh, it's a Brony convention.

Oh, didn't those end like a decade ago?

The ones you know about.

Yeah.

There are more BronyCon.

Well, regardless, camera pulls

Adam: back slightly.

We see that.

Um, Joe has a, it doesn't look like it from the front, but he

is got a ponytail in the back that looks is, is dyed rainbow.

We continue slowly pulling out as the waitress brings them the sriracha look.

Here you go, fellas.

Alex: Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna mince words with you.

I think, I think you're the coolest person I've ever met.

I've gotta get out of this contract with Satan, so we, I cannot get out of it until

I bring someone to the Brony convention.

Mike: Oh God, you can't.

No, but

Alex: there's gotta be so many hot girls there.

We'll get you laid.

Are there,

Mike: I feel like the bronys are isn't the first word in Brony, bro.

Isn't, isn't this about

Alex: being, dude, don't that like ponies.

Don't worry about the, the logistics of it, man.

Like I said, I get 82, uh, proposals a week.

I'll just slide one your way.

I get, okay.

That's also waitress.

I see the ring in your pocket.

The answer is no.

Adam: I'm just happy to see you.

Mm-hmm.

There's no ring in my pocket.

Oh, so wait, Joe, I thought it was clever.

Mike: What do you get out of this deal?

It was, what do you get out this deal?

Oh

Adam: my god.

You know, you are pretty cute.

Mike: Oh,

Adam: thank

Mike: you.

Have I seen you

Adam: in here before?

Mike: Uh, probably, probably most of the time I'm doing something

ridiculous and embarrassing, but yeah, that, that checks out.

Adam: You are the guy who montage yakity sacks, uh, you know, fill in the blank.

Mike: I feel like that fill in the blank is pretty important there.

Heavy lifting.

I feel like

Alex: it's more fun to let the audience imagine what that was.

Mike: Do you?

I feel Okay.

All right.

I'll, I'll, uh,

Adam: Mike,

Mike: please

Adam: fill

Mike: in the blank.

We see a montage of Mike of the many times Mike has walked into

the establishment, uh, crying.

After being rejected.

Almost every single one of the proposals actually happened Inside the diner,

uh, we see him getting splashed in the face with sriracha, with milkshakes,

with pie, with some with, with a bucket of snakes, with, uh, all, with, with

various different fluids throughout.

Uh, as, as peop as the women have rejected him,

Alex: regardless.

Oh.

Um, I assume your deal with Satan has an or else.

What is your, or else I go to hell for eternity.

Isn't that, isn't that the deal?

Not my deal.

Oh, my deal.

Well, my wish to Satan.

Was to become the coolest, most unattainable, awesome dude in the planet.

And if I cannot fulfill this one thing, I will go back to the way I was before then.

I was a lot like you, Mike.

What's what?

What is that?

I thought you said I was cool.

Yeah, super cool.

Only to other super cool people like

Mike: myself.

I'm gonna be honest, that hurts my feelings a little bit.

It kind of makes it sound like I'm just, I'm just a loser

that attracts other losers.

Hey,

Alex: you calling me a loser?

I'm the coolest guy in the world.

Adam: Hey, you calling me a loser because I'm, I get off at six.

I'd like to get off at 6 0 5.

That's a sex thing, dude.

Do

Mike: it.

What?

What?

What's the problem?

That's the sex.

Oh.

Oh, the deal.

Oh, we could have, okay.

Yeah, yeah, we could.

Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes maam.

Bring it with us.

Yeah.

Do you

want.

To marry me,

Adam: Mike.

Brilliant.

We see a, um, a brass band standing off to the side, ready

to launch into yakity sacks.

They've been following Mike around all day.

The conductor,

Alex: like taps, like

Adam: the, the stand, like places.

Everyone straightens their bow ties,

you know?

Oh,

Mike: oh

Adam: yeah.

Oh, I think I would like to marry you, stranger.

Mike: Yeah, let's marry.

I, I'm, let's marry.

Yeah,

Adam: let's marry.

Mike: I'm Mike.

What's your name?

Adam: My name?

Yeah.

Your name.

My name's Jo.

I mean Stella.

My name's Stella.

It's not Joanne.

That's my mom's name.

Mike: Well, Stella.

Let's, let's marry, let's marry, let's marry tonight.

6:05 PM

Adam: Oh my God.

6:05 PM tonight.

I've gotta go get everything.

I gotta get flowers.

I gotta get a dress.

Mike: Wait, hold on.

Here's how we're gonna do this, Joe.

Yeah.

Where's the New York Serone Con?

It's downstairs.

We're doing it here.

We're going to the BronyCon.

We're getting married at the BronyCon.

We're gonna deal with my Satanic Pact.

And your Satanic pack.

One big fell swoop.

We're gonna take it out.

Um, ALS also, could I get a to go box for your sriracha?

Yeah, please.

That'd be great.

Adam: Alex and Adam walk into the abandoned diner.

Oh, where'd they go?

I thought I saw them go in here.

Um, geez.

Normally there's, you know, where's the staff and everything?

Alex: Hello.

I am looking for my ma I

Adam: mean, daughter.

Oh, hello, ma'am.

Uh, we're looking for our friends.

Uh, do you, does your daughter work here or My,

Alex: yes.

My daughter works here.

She works here, uh, forever.

Even.

Uh, what?

Like, not, not since yesterday.

She works here forever.

Not since yesterday.

Yes.

She's

Adam: my daughter, not my mom.

That's true.

Okay.

Um, cool.

Okay, look, I think there's a light on back there in the kitchen.

Should the three of us like, oh, that's

Alex: right.

The secret conventions today.

I mean, I wonder what that is.

Why don't we go investigate?

What's your name?

Oh, I'm Stella.

I mean, Joanne.

Joanne.

I'm Jo Mom.

I'm mom.

Oh, okay.

I'm Joan, by the way.

Adam: I just wanna say, being a mom, obviously you're a hero.

We really respect Alex and I really respect you.

We're feminists.

Yeah.

Um, we, we respect women.

We can't speak for the, like, on the other hand, men that we're looking for.

Yeah.

I mean, I would, we'll keep you away from him.

We'll intercept, but I think the three of us, we should just creep over there.

I mean, big hands up.

Yeah.

You wanna be a podcast?

Do you wanna be on a podcast later today?

I think, Alex, if we can't, if Joe's a lost cause and Mike's

gone too, we may as well replace.

I,

Alex: I'm too old and brittle.

Adam: Oh, come on.

You're younger than us.

Are you?

Oh,

Alex: you're so kind.

You're

Adam: certainly younger than Mike.

Oh, that's probably true based on nothing.

But knowing that he's not a feminist.

Let's go down there.

Okay, let's do big creep.

Okay.

Big creep in Little Italy.

The back, the brass band from before luckily has a guy on

xylophone, so he's doing little toe sounds for us as we, okay.

Okay.

Oh my God, these stairs go down forever.

They just keep going.

Can you guys see the bottom of that?

I can, yeah.

It's usually not this dark.

Okay.

Well I think let's just take the stairs one by one.

We will go down them in the normal way.

And

Mike: the sound, uh, the sound starts emanating from the bottom.

A very low echo of,

wait.

No, that's not, that sounds patriotic.

Do you

Alex: guys hear that?

America,

Adam: do you think, uh, that's his name is down there.

The fucking, uh, Susa.

You think John Philip Susa is down there?

I don't know who that is.

He does the mar the marches.

I mean old.

I know what that is.

Yes.

You know, because I'm old.

Yeah, I know what that is.

Yeah.

And I'm an old soul.

I You really are.

Adam.

I'm If I wasn't married, Joanne.

Anyway, let's go down one by one.

I'm gonna hold onto the banister.

I think it looks stable and should have no problems.

I'm lowering my hand onto it.

What's that?

Alex, did you say something?

No.

Okay.

No, I didn't say anything.

I'm gonna grab the banister and it's gonna be fine.

Okay.

Ugh.

I land in a ball pit.

I land in a ball Pit Kat runs out of the ball pit.

Oh, Adam, you missed the slide.

Oh, shit.

I mean, ow Adam.

Alex,

Mike: Mike.

Hey

Adam: Mike.

Is that you

Mike: and Joe?

And who is that?

Oh, hi guys.

It's, it's, I'm actually really glad you were able to make it here.

Um, hi.

So this right here.

This is Stella.

Hi, Stella is my bride.

Ma, what are you doing

Adam: down here,

Mike: ma? I,

Alex: mom, I mean, daughter.

She's,

Adam: yeah.

Mom, what are you doing?

Yeah, are you wearing a dress, a wedding dress?

An off-white wedding dress?

That's right.

I'm marrying this guy.

What's your name again?

Oh no.

You

Alex: can't marry me off to this guy.

No.

What do you marry you off?

Uh uh.

Nevermind.

I mean, you can't marry this guy.

Adam: Hold on.

We need to call our lawyer really quickly and our doctor.

Hey Joe.

Ma,

Alex: come over here.

Come over here.

Let's go.

Uh, Mike, I have no idea what's happening.

This is not

Mike: you.

You told me you freaky Friday.

Two people.

Are these the people you freaky Friday?

No, not.

Oh,

Adam: doc.

In a freaky Friday situation, doc.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

If one of us gets married to somebody else, yes.

Who is actually married to that person?

Is it the person whose brain is in the body or is it the body person?

Like from legal?

Mike: I, I'm a doctor, not a lawyer.

Okay.

I wanna make that clear.

Do you have a lawyer

Adam: that we can talk to?

Mike: Yeah, let me, let me, let me, uh, call him.

Lemme call him.

Hey, Joe.

Hey.

If in that freaky Friday situation that we did, if a lady gets married,

does that mean that one of 'em is married or is it, which one is it?

Or is it both of them?

It, both of

Adam: the marriage.

That's not the question, doc.

The question is, it might be, it

Mike: might be both.

Are you sure?

Adam: Is the person who gets married, the person whose brain it

is, or the person whose body it is?

Is it, it could be

Mike: both of

Adam: you.

If I, it could also be neither if I, Joanne in Stella's Joan's body, married.

It's Joe's body, this guy.

That

Mike: guy

Adam: who is married to the guy.

Is it Joann or is it Stella?

Mike: What do you think, Joe?

Uh, which one gets me out of Satan?

Uh, actually, let me turn the truth of that contract.

Actually.

You just need people to enter into the broan.

You don't need them to get married.

Oh,

Alex: yeah.

Oh hell yeah.

Then

Mike: do I care?

Yeah, we, we don't, we don't really give that much of a shit anyway.

Um, I feel like I'm gonna go with,

Adam: oh shit, we're still on the phone.

Mike: Oh yeah.

No, we didn't, you didn't hang up.

I didn't hang up on you.

Did you make up?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I,

Adam: I started playing Candy Crush.

Sorry, what's up?

Mike: Oh yeah.

Did you get an answer?

This is, this is the old lady.

Uh, I, uh,

Adam: no, this is Stella.

Mike: Yeah, Stella.

Hi.

I'm gonna say.

Whichever one is not problematic.

That's what we're gonna go with.

We're

Adam: both adults.

Mike: Yeah, no, I know that.

I know that.

But I'm gonna say that the person making the choice is the one that gets married.

'cause that feels like the less least questionable.

Adam: So this guy, yeah, and we haven't talked about a reverse.

Oh, okay.

So I don't, I don't know.

Yeah, because that's not, we'll, to talk about that as a

Mike: what?

That's not in your, your health insurance covers the one way switch.

Why does the health insurance

Adam: cover the Freaky Friday, but not the reverse?

Freaky Friday?

Mike: It covers a one way switch.

You guys made it, you're done.

You have to pay for the another one on your, how much is it?

About $400,000?

Adam: Shit.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: If only we knew a really rich guy who could help us with that.

Because honestly, doc me, Joanne.

I just want a nice boy for my daughter, Stella, to marry.

I don't wanna get married.

This guy's a fucking looser.

Oh my God.

You should see the front of his pants.

They're covered in blood and glass keeps falling out of him.

He drank sriracha straight from the bottle and he didn't even, he didn't swallow it

as it was going down, so it just pooled.

It was disgusting.

Mike: Does he have a, does he need a PCP and does he have insurance?

Because I mean, I hate, I, I need some money here.

Primary.

I think

Adam: PCP would mellow him out, but I don't know.

He no, definitely does not have insurance.

Mike: Like a doctor thing.

Primary care.

I

Adam: think what he was telling me on the way down to, from the big

staircase, he was saying he's Oh

Mike: yeah, that thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been there.

He's,

Adam: he was telling me that he's Canadian, but he's the one guy

who has to pay, so I don't think he has any kind of coverage.

Mike: Ah, fuck.

He's that guy.

Yeah.

You, you don't.

Hmm.

You don't want anything like that.

You, you, you've, uh,

Adam: so you're saying maybe I should, you know, I mean, with

Stella's approval, marry up, you know, somebody with a little,

Mike: I cannot money give you enough.

I could not emphasize this enough.

I don't really give that much of a fuck who you marry.

All I care about is that if you get sick, you come to me.

I make you good.

Adam: Thanks, doc.

So you, we will, I think I, I wish you would've told us about the insurance not

covering the reverse, but I think we will.

It was in the, it was in the contract.

It was in the fine print.

Oh.

But nobody reads that.

You get the clipboard in the waiting room with all the forms.

Nobody's reading through all the forms.

Just looking aware.

Our lawyer

Alex: says they are.

Yeah, he is.

Adam: Wait

Alex: a second.

Oh, that's my, that's my other lawyer.

Yeah.

Hi.

I'm his other lawyer.

The other Joe left.

Is that Dershowitz?

Adam: Yeah.

Alex: Hello.

Adam: Hello.

Alright, everybody's waiting for me to start the wedding.

I gotta go.

Okay, listen.

Yeah.

How soon can you get here?

'cause I think I need somebody to give me slash Stella away.

And you know her dad is not in the picture and you've been with us

for this whole journey and it would really mean a lot I think to Skel.

I can go.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey, Stella Dershowitz.

I'm not sending out.

Don't worry.

You know what, actually Stella turn, please send Dershowitz.

Alex: I'm gonna go.

Hello?

Adam: Oh my God.

Ditz is here.

I gotta go duck.

Alex: I'm already here.

Adam: I can't believe you.

Alex: Uh, of course I came.

This is so

Adam: beautiful and you're wearing the most beautiful tux.

Alex: I was dressed in it for another reason.

Adam: Wow.

I think we, everyone, I think we can get started with the ceremony.

Mike: Oh, okay.

Good.

Adam: Ma? Yes.

Son, daughter.

What do you think of?

Wait, I have an idea.

What if we have these guys, the hot one and the short one do a freaky Friday,

and that way I marry the hot one.

In the short one's body.

He's got money.

I saw his, he opened his wallet to pay for the sriracha upstairs.

Why not just marry the hot one?

Good point.

Good point.

I think I was trying to give Doc more work 'cause he got

dia, but yes, no, you're right.

What do we need this guy for?

Okay, let me, let me gently broach it to him.

By the way, this is happening on a convention floor surrounded by men

in justice, justice horses, ponies with various varying degrees of

realism from extremely to not at all.

Mike: I'll treat you two.

Rainbow Bash for an apple Jack.

Yeah.

I like cereal.

Ah, like, yeah, yeah.

Good.

Adam: How, how, how are you doing in the back, Kevin of horse?

I mean,

Mike: I'm doing great.

I'm, I'm doing great.

I've always wanted to be a horse's butt.

This is, this is my life.

Adam: I'm sorry about.

I do have the colonoscopy tomorrow, so I have to clean it out.

I'm sorry it

Mike: smells so bad.

But you know what, this lifts me in my dream of a, of a rainbow dash cosplay.

Adam: It does come out that way, doesn't it?

Rainbow?

I mean,

Mike: yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you need a doctor.

Adam: No.

Yeah.

Well, I have a great one.

He also does Freaky Fridays, so.

Oh, no.

Shit.

I've heard of that guy.

Have you ever wanted to be front of horse?

'cause we could swap,

Mike: I could also just get in the front.

No,

Alex: no.

Mike: Oh, okay.

Alex: We're spending too much time on these people.

Adam: Oh, there's a

Alex: wedding going on.

Oh.

Adam: Oh, shit.

Oh, you can't see.

I have a drawn

Alex: line somewhere.

I hate these two.

Adam: Hey, Joe, right?

Yeah.

What I'm, I'm having cold feet.

I'm having doubts about marrying Mike over here.

Mike: Mike is in the corner fixing his bow tie.

Adam: Actually, let me just, she goes over and takes the engagement

ring, uh, or the, the rings from Mike and, uh, I'm just gonna, I'm just

gonna hold onto these for a second.

Oh,

Mike: okay.

Okay.

Adam: Brass band comes down the top of the stairs.

Joe,

will you marry me instead of Mike, please?

I can't do it.

And you're so good looking.

Alex: You know, I gotta be honest with you, lady, uh, Stella, normally

it'd be a hard no, but, and he looks over to Mike, who's like

picking some lint out of his ear.

Mike: He also, Mike also very clearly has another bong shaped bulge pants.

Alex: Like that is the coolest man ever, a bong shaped penis.

And if you.

If you're too good for him, that means you are the greatest woman in the galaxy.

I would be a fool to say no.

Adam: Oh my God.

Okay.

Can you tell Mike, because I don't really wanna interact with I'm gonna

Alex: stop you there.

I don't

Adam: wanna get so close.

I Why do we have to tell him?

Oh, good point.

Yeah, let's just go.

Okay.

Alright.

Uh, Alex, I, I'm getting at the, I, the brass band needs me to tap in to play the

organ, so I'm just gonna go over here.

Okay.

Alex: I'll just take my, my usual place where I should be at Mike's

wedding, and I stand right next to Mike.

Best man.

I'm already planning your bachelor party and your divorce party.

Mike: This is you.

I, this is why I always, I can always trust you.

You are my best man.

I, I can always trust you to do all the planning.

This is Mike.

I

Alex: like, what's this girl's name?

Stella, I think Mike, you and Stella are gonna be happy for

as long as I can possibly.

She just left What?

She's gone What?

Yeah, she's, she's looking out the window.

There she goes.

Joe turns around and gives him like a thumb.

Gives you like a thumbs up.

Mike: Wait.

Stella.

Stella.

Stella

like screams out the window as the bong shatter ditz.

Adam: Knees Mike in the dick and shatters the bong in his pants.

Mike: Oh God, not again.

Adam: That's impressive.

Mike, that's a new record for you.

All right, guys,

Mike: I never, I've never smoking weed again.

Adam: Yakity Saxon Sea.

Let's do it.

Who's

Alex: paying this orchestra?

Sorry,

Adam: we cut back to Wall Street where we see Joe, Mr. Joe writing a check

Mike: to signing this.

There's about four checks all around him, all for the different members of the band.

There's like clarinet, one alto, sax one and so on, and he is just signing

all of up just like, we gotta move.

We gotta move, we gotta move, we gotta move.

Call it, trade it, trade it, trade it, lose it, dump it.

Come on.

Adam: And we, okay, we gotta connect those.

Somehow we flash back.

Why is he doing this?

So Mr. Joe.

Um, I'm happy to give you all the money in the world.

Okay.

No, I'm, that's basic Sat, I'm Joe stuff.

Mike: That's, that's my, my son Joe.

Adam: No, no, no.

You father, older man.

Oh me.

Wait, sorry.

Did you guys do a freaky No, no, no.

We didn't do a freaky, we were just confused.

Okay.

We just came here together.

I'm Mr. Joe.

He's Joe.

That's so great that you guys

Alex: do things together.

Um, yeah.

Um, yeah, Joe's, the, Joe's also the family name.

I'm Jojo and I'm on a bizarre adventure.

Oh

Adam: wow.

Great.

Your last album, by the way.

Fantastic.

Loved it.

Uh, you are the queen of r and b as far as I'm concerned now.

So, Mr. Joe, the deal that I'm going to offer you Yeah.

All the money in the world.

Okay.

Yep.

Got it.

Mike: I, I'm, this is pretty standard boilerplate

Adam: state Satan stuff.

We already have the paperwork.

You just gotta sign it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do need you to do something for me though.

Mike: Yeah, no problem.

Adam: So there's this guy I. Yep.

I set him up a while back.

He died and went to hell and then I sent him back as long as he,

he's been a virgin his entire life.

Sent him back as long as he, you know, lost his virginity

within the calendar year.

Okay.

Pretty basic stuff.

I mean, it's only not every day, but, um, here's the thing.

This guy ate all my fucking sriracha while he was in hell and oh, what a douche.

I kinda wanna make it a little difficult on him.

Um, I give you all the money in the world.

Yeah.

Set aside 10% higher brass band to follow him around all day.

Okay, cool.

Okay.

Alright, cool.

So, like, you wanna get coffee sometime?

I would love to get coffee.

Uh, do you know, get coffee.

You're at Goldman Sachs right?

Yeah.

Okay.

There's a place right around the corner.

It's, uh, it's not Starbucks.

Okay.

But it's in the bathroom of the Starbucks.

And this is a reference to season two.

A bunch of the, a bunch of my friends who are doing like flat earth stuff.

Oh, sorry.

There's this podcast.

Okay.

We got back

Mike: to the, to the mike crying outside the window.

Adam: I can't believe.

Oh, Mike, it's okay.

It's okay.

Mike.

It's, you know, 47 proposals denied is not that many.

Mike: I'm only two away

Adam: from

Mike: 50.

Yeah.

Adam: But you know, this is crazy.

You've called Guinness before and what did they tell you?

What did Guinness tell you?

Was the record for most proposals denied?

Mike: They told me on the record none, because that's so sad and pathetic that

they would never bother recording it.

Off the record, off the record.

52. Yeah, so, so I'm not, yeah.

Getting pretty fucking close here, bud.

Adam: I know, but look, it only takes one, and I know you've

been divorced several times.

I have, but it only takes one.

Mike: Somehow nobody has accepted my proposal, and yet

I've gone through many divorces.

Adam: I think.

I feel like there's gotta be something with the last name

change that's screwing you up.

But yeah, Mike, I think what we've learned from this experience

is that we shouldn't try to add new friends to our friend group.

Mike: We got the trio.

I'm with you.

Adam: The Barone boys are a closed system, I feel like.

And look, maybe Mike, at the end of the day, Alex and I are your soulmates, Adam.

Does that make you happy, Adam?

Yeah.

Does that calm you down?

I'm sorry.

No, no.

I'm not gonna have sex with you.

Alex: No,

Alex.

Mike, buy me a drink.

And then we'll talk.

Is that all it takes?

I didn't say it would happen, but I was saying we could talk about it.

Okay.

It's not gonna happen.

Oh.

But I would love to watch you try to convince me

Adam: and Mike, I don't think the slides are working.

I, I think PowerPoint is not an effective way to, you know, seal this deal.

I think you're gonna have to rely on, you know, mutual attraction and personality.

So good luck.

Mike: I'm fucked.

Adam: Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, look, I mean, tonight is the, it's the first Tuesday of the month, the

polka night happening down in the gym.

Oh.

I say we record the podcast.

You've got, you know, your suit from the wedding, which has only a little bit of

do blood on the crotch, by the way, tan.

Really?

Who are you, Obama?

Mike: Yeah.

He, he rocked it.

Alex: He's fine.

He rocked it.

Mike: Yes.

Yeah.

Alex: He bar rocked it.

You could say it was the biggest controversy of his presidency.

What are you talking about?

Mike: Yeah.

I gotta, no, I gotta, I gotta own it.

I gotta be the guy.

Adam: You didn't have to buy it.

You could have rented it.

Tan, tuxedo.

When are you gonna wear that again?

Mike: I'm a, I'm a classy guy.

I don't rent suits.

Adam: Sure.

Is that another bong in your pants, by the way?

No, I'm just

Mike: happy to

Adam: see.

Oh, finally.

Okay.

Alright.

Let's record the podcast.

We'll take you to polka night.

It'll be fine.

You'll be okay.

Mike, you've had worse.

Mike: Okay.

Yeah.

Adam: I mean,

Mike: you've died.

It's weirdly, weirdly bizarrely.

I fully agree with you.

Adam: I mean.

Remember season two?

Mike: Season two of what?

Yeah.

Welcome back to the Barone.

We

Alex: played.

We played all of season three, two.

Adam: Even the band that has been following Mike around wouldn't play

yakity sax through all of season two.

Uh, welcome back to the Barone Zone.

We're talking about season four, episode 19.

Marie and Frank's new friends, Frank and Marie, make friends with a couple that

have similar personalities to their own as the IMDB synopsis, and I feel like

that is missing the point of the episode, which is mainly about Marie and Frank's

new friends being obsessed with Raymond.

Mike: That is actually a common theme that I've noticed in these Synopsis.

Synopsis.

Yeah.

Uh, is, is that like they get the gist.

But the crux of the episode ends up being something very different.

Adam: We've had a couple of re uh, misses recently where it's like,

yes, that does happen in the episode, but I wouldn't say that that is the

one sentence summary of what someone needs to know about the episode.

Um, but at any rate, what did you guys think of this one?

I mean, clear premise, right?

And welcome back to the Stipes, who we haven't seen since season three,

episode seven, uh, moving out.

Um, the, their names, which I have written down, their names

are David Bird and Anna Berger.

And they're back.

This will be the last episode that they appear in.

So they die.

Who knows?

Off screen.

They, they, or Ray fucking blows it at the poka night, I think is

more likely, potentially, yes.

Burns

Mike: that bridge.

I like to think they met, they followed, they went the way of, who was the first

friend that Ray had in episode one?

Leo.

Leo.

Yes.

He went the way of Leo.

They went the way of Leo and I.

They got Leo.

Adam: I feel like they got Leo, our consensus theory on what happened to Leo

involved cement shoes and the east river.

Um, yeah, they, that could happen.

You think that's happening to the stipes?

Well, he was talking about making bets.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: So

Mike: he, I was gonna say he's in with the mob who we know

frequent the senior nights, so.

Mm-hmm.

Big time.

So what'd you think of the episode?

Uh, honestly I thought it was a pretty mid-tier episode.

Like there were some funny moments.

There were moments that I enjoyed.

Um, but overall I thought it was not as strong as certainly

maybe we were just spoiled.

'cause we were talking about this last episode, the run of episodes

up to this one was phenomenal.

I think we had like six or seven classic Raymond episodes in a row.

Oh yeah.

Robert getting gored by the bowl.

Hacky do.

Debra makes something good.

There's definitely one more that I'm blanking on in there.

Yeah.

That, that

Adam: run of Roberts four 15 Roberts Rodeo for 16.

The 10th anniversary for 17.

Hacky do for 18.

Debra makes something good.

Is a, was a really strong run.

Yeah.

And you know, this episode I thought was fine but Right.

Uh, it was not at the level of those ones.

I would say

Mike: I would, I would generally agree.

I thought it was decent.

I didn't think it was great.

Alex: Alex?

Yeah, I'm, I'm not too far off.

I, I gauge my enjoyment of each episode of everybody Loves Raymond

on, um, how sleepy I get watching it.

I got, I got kind of sleepy watching this one.

It doesn't like, I, I felt, I felt like I, like after like everyone

came in, I feel like I knew where it was going and I was a little wrong.

Uh, I was hoping this would be a rare episode where Ray and Deborah like

really worked together the whole episode.

I was thinking the episode was gonna go.

Um, like they teamed up to get rid of Frank and Marie, and then they

come back and it's like, oh crap.

Now there's two of each of them.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, they had to try something else.

Uh, and then Ray gets kind of turned to the dark side, and

then it becomes more about just Deborah and Ray, uh, arguing again.

So honestly, it felt like, even though it's like a new coat of

paint, it's just, it felt so, been there, done that for this show.

Mike: Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alex: Uh, like I really feel like we learned nothing new

about any of the characters here.

Adam: And knowing that the, knowing that the stripes are not coming back, it's

like, this felt like a real, they're dead.

They're dead.

It took the benefit of living in the future.

Oh.

But I think the writers were like, this is it for thees.

We're never bringing them back.

Snipe the stripes as soon as they put the last period on the page.

Mike: I also gotta be real.

This whole episode is a plot hole, isn't it?

Because don't, aren't Ray, aren't, uh, Frank and Marie friends

with like Lee and Stan, we hear them thrown out all the time.

That is true.

They aren't like

Alex: couple friends though.

They're like, Frank's friends.

Mike: This, this episode premise didn't make a ton of sense to me.

'cause we've seen.

Frank and Marie have friends before.

Uh, yeah, we got the, we got the race here, guy Garvin, uh, Garvin.

That's it.

But there, there were references to other people.

I really, Stan called Lee and Stan were de were a couple friends.

Adam: Um, I really

Mike: thought it was Lee's married to Stan or something.

Adam: We know Frank's friends at the lodge are kind of just like, you know, they're

not the type of friends that you would invite over to your mortgage burning.

Right.

They honestly don't like him that much.

Yeah.

So I think maybe they have Lee and Stan, but they're not like,

they don't have enough people to throw a party about, which I think

is what teased Debra off to it.

So I don't, I don't think it's that they have no social life.

I think it's that their world has gotten so much smaller since Ray and Deborah

have moved across the street from them.

Mike: Right.

Right.

Adam: Let's talk about the episode though.

Let's go through, it's so the cold open.

This, this felt like a. Bottled, uh, cold open.

Like just something that they plugged in here.

Um, Ray returns from Chicago and the kids ask if he bought

them, brought them anything.

Um, it actually kind of felt like standup bit like, oh yeah.

I, I brought my, uh, kids stuff back from Chica from, uh, traveling on the road.

Apricot shampoo, uh, conditioner, a shoehorn.

Alex: Like That's hilarious.

I feel like they filmed this like, like, like six months before this

episode and saved it for a rainy day.

Yeah,

Adam: that's what it feels like.

That's, is that it's just slotted in here.

Um, yeah.

For Michael, which is fine.

Apricot shampoo, Jeffrey Conditioner, uh, both from the enchanted aisle of Marriott,

uh, for Allie, a shoehorn for Deborah.

Some fine candies, uh, which I think are Andy's MITs.

Um, we get the line, they're part of the hotel's turn down service.

And Deborah's like tonight, you're gonna get my turn down service.

Um.

Uh, you know, fun, good old sex joke.

Um, and then he, I

Mike: actually, I think I, I liked the, at least start of this where

Ray is like, uh, what do you think?

You're cheating on me.

She means nothing.

And then I, I liked that.

That was, yeah, that's a fun playfulness.

Adam: Yeah.

Mike: Yeah.

I like, that was cute.

I liked parts of this scene a lot.

Not the, not the strongest gold open ever, but I thought it was a solid one.

Adam: I, I think it's a good premise too, of just like, oh, your kids

expect you to bring stuff back.

What would, you know, you can see kind of the game of this scene.

Yeah.

Right.

Alex: This is the scene where I feel like if you asked AI to write

ev everybody loves Raymond scene.

Oh yeah.

For give you this, you're not wrong.

Yeah.

Adam: It would give you ray screws up somehow and then, uh, doesn't

get to have sex with Deborah.

No sex without, for our boy.

Yeah.

Although we should talk about, and this is two scenes from now, um, but

the, I'm gonna have sex with Ray dance, which I don't know, what do you think?

I think, I think he got it.

Kind of like, uh, nothing

Alex: turns on Debra Moore than Marie not being there.

That's true.

Yes, true.

Adam: What do you think, Mike, as a, you know, look, you're looking,

if somebody did that to you,

Mike: oh, it's going down.

Adam: It's, you think that's a positive signal?

Oh,

Mike: immediately the two, the shake

Adam: weight kind of motion.

Yeah, the two, uh, it up the stairs, fist over the shoulders, not making

stairs, not making it up, up the

Mike: stairs, not making it to bed.

Well, I mean, you don right there, don't

Adam: normally make it up the stairs, you know?

No, I

Mike: don't.

But this is for different reasons.

Yeah.

Adam: Um, Alex, if you were to indicate to Ray that you wanted to have sex

with him, what would your dance be?

Look, man, all I'm

Alex: gonna say is you can get a lot more with a lot less.

What, what would your dance be?

What would your signal be?

I think it would just have to be just like a raised eyebrow with him.

Oh yeah.

I think that's true.

He's ready to go.

I think he, he's ready to go.

Adam: Mike, is your casual lean that you're doing right now with

your hands behind your head?

Is that your I wanna have sex with Ray dance.

Mike: Yeah.

No interlocking fingers behind it.

Uh, then man spreading.

Yes, wherever I am and then just going.

That's it.

Adam: Beautiful.

Yeah.

Try it wherever you are, listener.

Mine would be Warrior three, um, which is this, but, um,

yeah, good, good sex, dance.

And then Ray's dance, uh, which is all in the hips, I feel like.

Very attractive.

Mike: Yeah, that's that one.

That one felt like a mating dance.

Oh yeah.

Gonna try new things.

That was, that

Adam: was primal.

Um, but let's back up real quick to the party at Marie and Frank's

house, which is just attended by the family, uh, it's Marie and

Frank's mortgage burning ceremony because their house is now paid off.

Lynbrook Mortgage.

Thanks for the calendars.

Let's have a real party.

Marie, go get our marriage license.

Um, that's classic.

Frank Byrne right there.

Yeah.

Marie hits him back.

Yeah.

No, I think my

Mike: wife humor.

Hey, take what you can get.

Adam: Marie hits him back with, uh, now that we own the place,

we'll do some redecorating.

Get rid of the old stuff.

Frank, get out.

Um, you know, felt very banter.

Um.

Deborah expresses surprise that Marie didn't invite anyone.

And Marie basically says, we gave up our social life when you and

Ray moved in across the street.

We go to the next scene.

Uh, Ray comes downstairs, uh, in their living room.

Did Frank give, was it Jeffrey or Michael?

One of the twins, some wine because as he was putting him to

bed, he was like, I love you man.

Um, which is I,

um, and then Debra is, is concerned about Marie and Frank.

Uh.

Insofar as if they had more friends, we'd have less them,

uh, which is appealing to Ray.

Um, and then Maurice and Frank Storm in drop off Leftovers, Frank drop off

pants to watch the highlight highlights of the sports game that he just watched.

Um, Debra pitches them on making new friends.

Uh, Marie has the line I'd love to entertain, but what am I supposed to do

with this gesturing to Frank, um, raise line, tell him you lost a bet and you

have to feed and clean him for a year.

Pretty funny, I guess.

Mike: Is it, is it just, and sure, it's, it's a fine enough scene.

Is it just me or is it, I don't know.

I thought this bit was going to blow up in Deborah's face when Marie realized that,

oh, shoot, she's trying to get rid of us.

That's where I really thought this episode was gonna become.

Yeah.

It doesn't

Adam: seem like Marie ever does realize that

Alex: there was a lot of recipes here.

For a more interesting story.

Yes.

And I don't think this, the episode took the bait at any point.

Adam: It's an interesting direction that they did go of marine franker

into it, but then when Ray gets added to the mix, it becomes explosive.

They love Ray.

Uh, so we see Ray playing video games up.

PlayStation two did that, is that what that looked like to you guys?

I think it

Alex: was a PS one, PlayStation one.

This is the nineties, right?

Adam: I think this is 2000.

Alex: Yeah.

We're we're then it was then it could have been, I guess the PS two.

My guess is it's December of 2000 based on PS two was total 2002.

But I might be wrong

Adam: there.

I'll tell you definitively that this aired on

March 20th, 2000.

Oh, so they must have.

A multi-year registration on their car because their car,

the registration on their car in the garage scene is 1229 2001.

So they must have gotten that registration renewed for two years on 12 29 19 99.

Isn't that interesting, is it?

No, it's something, yeah.

You don't think date math is compelling?

Mike: Not particularly when it comes to registration.

I don't even remember who the last time I got my car registered.

Adam: Well, Mike, to call it a car.

It's two scooters.

Don't dare.

It's two scooters taped together.

Yeah, that's my And lime is pissed at you, right?

Like the lime guys are following you around like trying to get

'em back and you're kind of doing a wacky races kind of thing.

Alex: They're all just like, put it in the coconut.

Come on.

They can't handle my cool ass tricks.

Adam: I love how the lime guys call the truck that they drive

around to collect the lime scooters in, call the van the coconut.

'cause they put the lime in.

You put the lime in the coconut.

What Alex

Mike: said, shake it all up.

Adam: Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, they've ordered Chinese Ray says this is like a date.

It's great.

Um, Marine Frank come over with the stripes and Harry is

a huge fan of Ray's column.

Uh, but

Alex: this is already an established character trait of this character.

Yeah, that's true.

He likes Ray.

Yeah.

Mike: Here's where we introduce the main primary conflict of the

episode, right, which is that Marie and Frank come over unannounced

interrupt, and Deborah wants them out.

And Ray entertains them a little bit.

I gotta be honest, you know we're all here at the Barone zone.

We are largely Deborah Apologists.

We think Deborah, we support

Adam: Deborah.

Yeah,

Mike: we support Deborah.

Hi.

Eventually Deborah is in the right.

In this particular moment, I don't think she's very fair because

I think Ray has been put in an impossible to win a social situation.

And I think like, 'cause what is he supposed to do?

They're over here now.

The time to do it is after they leave or you entertain them for a little bit and

then after they leave, you go to your mom and say, mom, you can't be doing this

shit you like, that's the time to do it.

Mm-hmm.

You can't just say Get out immediately.

That's deeply rude.

So I, I don't know if Deb, I think Ray eventually is not okay.

They were over till midnight.

That's fucked up.

Yeah.

That's

Adam: too much.

But I think in,

Mike: I think in the moment when Ray sits down and says hi to them

and Deborah's like, get 'em out.

Get 'em out.

I think that that's a little unfair

Adam: in any situation other than they barge over unannounced while they're

about to have good old sex on the couch.

Mm-hmm.

I think you're mostly right.

Um, I am on Deborah's side of, you should cut it as short as

possible while not being rude.

Um, but I do agree that Ray is in an unwinnable situation, uh, because he

either has to be rude to the stripes, um, or, you know, fuck up with Debra.

So it's, it's difficult for him.

And I think the strategy of asking Marie to facilitate them leaving, but then

caving to the slightest bit of guilt from her, uh, you know, for anyone.

But Ray, I feel like that would've worked, but yeah.

Yeah,

Alex: yeah.

Yeah.

I, I feel like the only, like the, the tipping point of where Ray started to fuck

up was when he caved to Marie right here.

Yeah, I think so.

Um, I think before this, uh, he didn't do anything wrong.

Yeah, not really.

And then just at this point, that was his first fuckup and then, uh, he

couldn't really come back from that.

Adam: I'll say the one thing he did wrong before this was, you know,

made a scene about the deviled eggs.

Let Robert have the deviled eggs.

Mike: Oh yeah.

And devil and Robert almost choked.

That was kind of funny.

Yeah,

Adam: he, he almost made Robert choke.

I'm on Robert's side in that.

Robert should get all the deviled eggs he wants.

That man's been through hell.

He got gored by, got Gord in the As in case you

Mike: guys forgot.

Upper thigh.

Adam: Upper thigh hole.

Um, yeah, no, that, that is where the floodgates open and then yeah,

uh, they stay over all night.

Um, I like Marie's guilt in this scene.

I'm sorry people like you so much.

I'm sorry that I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry that I raised you to be such a nice boy like class.

This is, I feel like very direct the characterization of Marie as

doing these passive aggressive guilt trips, like mm-hmm.

It's a very pure distillation of that, where there isn't exactly, you know,

the Marie's meatballs, like switching the ingredients, like conniving, kind of

passive aggressive ag aggression, but it's very direct, very out there on the table.

Like, you know, I'm laying a guilt trip on you kind of thing.

They all gather around Ray.

He met a Evander Holy field the other day.

Mike, you wanna tell us about a Evander Holyfield?

He's a boxer.

I know that he's a boxer.

And that's the extent of your own.

That's all I got.

I'm

Mike: not, I don't go deep on boxing.

Adam: Wow.

That's a terrific story.

Debra says, uh, but race start.

We see race, you know, the flip.

This is where he switch flips and he starts to love the attention.

Tells a story about the All Star game.

He goes up behind who he thinks is Frank, and he gooses Joe Garagiola.

Now Mike, is this a, a man who sells garages or no?

Who is this?

Mike: Joe Garagiola is a former, uh, catcher, I believe for, but he was

like a really old timing catcher.

He played back when they were the New York Giants, like, uh, before

they moved out to San Francisco.

Oh, baseball, uh, baseball we're talking about.

Yeah.

Uh, he played for a couple other teams.

He was not, he's not remembered for his, uh, time playing baseball.

He only played for nine years, which is not, you know, it's not bad, but it's not.

Legendary.

Adam: He's remembered for selling garages.

No, he's

Mike: remembered for being an announcer.

I believe at one point he was the host, he was a panelist on the Today Show.

Uh, really?

He kinda, he kinda had like a, it seems like he had like a kind

of a Michael Strahan career.

Michael Strahan, except Michael Strahan is a Hall of Fame, uh, football player.

And this guy is not a Hall of Fame baseball player.

Adam: And he never, capital like Joe's Gar garage, eola, like selling garage

door openers and there's a lot he could have done with that last name.

Joe's

Alex: Granola.

Mike: Yeah.

I don't think this has legs as, as many legs as you guys

are saying this, as many legs.

Adam: I don't think it has as many legs com combat Nature Valley in England.

Did they pronounce his name?

Joe Garla.

Mike: I think that if you went over to England and asked them

to name any baseball player, they would say, get the fuck out.

They would say, get

Adam: the fuck out.

Mike: They would say, get the fuck outta my country.

That's

Adam: basically cricket.

They should like it.

Mike: Yeah.

Well that's what I, that's what I think.

Who's your favorite cricket player?

So genuinely this year, the World Cup of Cricket happened

on Long Island and I What?

Yeah, no, it, the World Cup of Cricket happened on Long Island.

That's

Adam: so unfortunate for them.

Mike: Yeah.

I was following it and I, there was a guy who played for the, for the

United States team and became the MVP.

Like he brought the United States team way farther than

they were supposed to, and he.

He is not a professional cricket player.

He's just a random engineer that wow, as, as a side gig, became an

international superstar due to his performance in the World Cup of Cricket.

And I'm blanking on his name.

Can't remember name.

I'll look it up.

Name, but I don't have it off the top of my head.

Adam: His name Joe Garla.

Joe Garla.

He's back.

Frank eats their Chinese food and Marie goes to make some tea.

Ray starts telling another story.

You know, who liked, uh, who used to like Tea?

Joe DiMaggio?

Mr. Coffee.

Mike, what does that mean?

Mike: It's a great question.

Adam: Okay.

And you know, who liked coffee?

Mr. T. Hilarious stuff.

Uh, we go to Ray and Deborah in the bathroom.

She's trying to, this is a different day.

She's trying to leave before the parents and the stripes come over.

To avoid a repeat.

Uh, last time Ray regaled them until midnight.

Sorry, that, that cricket player was called Av.

Uh, Netra.

Volker.

Okay.

Sorry.

Great.

So not Joe Garla?

No.

All right.

You'd probably love it.

You could do a revival of your one man show.

My Fair Raymond.

Look, I get that.

The

Mike: guys, that these people don't have much going on in their lives.

Meaning the strikes, the, uh, the, the strikes, Marie and

Frank Stripes, whatever, but the

Adam: triangle shirt, waist factory.

What are you talking

Mike: about?

Shush.

But shush.

Shush.

But Ray's stories aren't that entertaining.

I just gotta say it.

It's very name droppy.

It's almost exclusively, it's very name dropping.

Yeah.

Look who I was hanging that with and I got it.

Like that gets

Adam: boring after a while.

Yeah.

It's pretty much just, I ran into this person, or I had a weird

conversation with this person.

Like it's the kind of.

Thing that it's just like if, um, if you don't ever hear about interactions with,

like, this is pre podcast time, when you would hear anecdotes all the time.

This is just, and pre-social media.

This is just like, oh wow, this person in interacted with

somebody whose name I've heard.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a good story.

It's just exciting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This was before like, Mike, you were talking before we started

recording about you've been DMing with the Smartless guys or something.

You've been like having, you've been sex sexting with Arnette.

Mike: Yeah.

No, I, I was, yeah, that's right.

I, I sent a, I sent a dick pic to Will Anette.

Yeah.

And he responded with, please lose this number.

I'm contacting the authorities.

Yeah.

I, I took a screenshot of it, printed it out.

It's, it's framed.

It's pretty cool.

Because you, you showed

Adam: him your Reese's Pieces, right?

Mike: Correct.

Cool.

Damn.

I was gonna do a Reese's bit beat me to it.

My dick was in re's pieces.

Adam: Because your dick comes wrapped in an orange wrapper, right?

Yeah.

And it's flat and round.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cool.

And it's got a, it's crimped.

Yeah.

Doctors

Mike: are very, very, uh,

Adam: concern.

Well, doctors hate concerned.

Hey, this the one weird trick that you're using to get that right?

Mike: Yeah.

I take a hammer.

Oh, oh

Alex: God.

Mike: You got, you got my peanut butter to on your

Alex: dick, to the

Mike: Yeah, I think I, I mean, it takes some crafting.

It's kind of all around.

The doctors get so mad when I tell them about it.

Adam: You taking that woodworking class was the worst thing that

ever happened to humanity.

Yeah.

Alex: That wood ain't working buddy.

Adam: Good.

Um, now Robert's babysitting, he teases Raymond about the stripes.

You know, they were my friend's first and then they all go downstairs, uh,

and the stripes and Marie and Frank are already there with their son Seth.

So Seth is played by Dom Marra is an actor and standup comedian.

He appeared on Seinfeld, the King of Queens and done a, did a bunch

of voiceover work, uh, like Hey Arnold and Rocko's Modern Life.

Seth is also a sports writer.

He claims, uh, you know, in internet chat rooms and he calls into radio.

Yeah, he's a sports writer

Alex: in the

Adam: same way that we are podcasters.

Hey.

Correct.

I liked his, his thing.

You've probably heard of me, Seth from Massapequa like.

That's such a small, sad character trait.

Yeah.

Of like thinking that Yeah, that people

Mike: listen and care.

Harry, I would listen to sports talk radio all the time.

Only you couldn't name one of them.

Well, I can name exactly one of them.

There was this crazy guy when I was growing up called Jerome.

I would call him with the most batshit takes.

And Steve Summers, every time you would get a call from Jerome would

play the Twilight theme song, or no, not the Twilight theme.

The Twilight theme song, Twilight Zone theme, uh, theme song.

And then there would be a voiceover basically being like in a world, like

basically calling him with fucking kook.

And it was always funny.

So I remember Jerome because we all roasted the fuck out of him.

Adam: I bet he was in on it.

I hope he was.

No, he had to be.

Yeah.

He

Mike: had, otherwise he would've stopped calling for his time

that Steve Summers did that.

Uh, but yeah,

Adam: well he has to turn his radio down, you know, so there's no feedback.

So maybe he never heard.

That's possible too.

Yeah.

I dunno.

Um, Jerome, if you're here, give us a call.

Oh, he's certainly dead by now, right?

I mean, did he sound like a child when he was, you know, you said you

were listening to this as a kid.

They

Mike: were adults when I was a kid That are, are still alive today.

How old do you think?

I, I'm

Adam: Because you were telling us before about how when the war, the war of the

worlds thing happened, you drove your car off the Brooklyn Bridge, right?

Mike: Yeah.

So there were people in the water with me that I still may meet with today.

We bonded.

You have a reunion?

Yeah.

Adam: Uh, wow.

That's beautiful.

Harry says, you're better than Lika.

Who's that?

Mike: Mike Lika is a very famous sports writer.

Thanks.

He wrote for, he was a personality in the ESPN.

He wrote a lot of kids' books actually.

About sports.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He wrote 'em, yeah, he wrote some fiction stories.

Some just kind of going over the history of the games.

It was.

I, I've read some Mike Luka, he's ever do like famous a

Adam: murder at the baseball diamond kind of thing.

I think that would be fun.

No, he

Mike: would do a, this is the story of the Mighty, mighty Wolves and their quest

for the playoffs and that kind of thing.

Adam: That was

Mike: dumb

Adam: as shit.

Mike: It was a good book.

Fuck you Adam.

I like my idea better.

I it, I'm sure that there's a Sherlock Holmes book about that somewhere.

Sherlock, it would be Cricket British.

Yeah.

This is The Flaw with Sherlock Holmes.

And you know who

Adam: I did read that one?

The Murder at the Cricket Grounds, and you know who did it?

Joe Gara.

Mike: Yeah.

Joe Garagiola.

Adam: Gar Gar.

Huge.

Um, Seth, I love your baseball stuff, except you could be a little more

objective about the Mets and Mike.

That's what we've been trying to say to you.

No, um, I've

Mike: never said anything wrong about the Mets ever.

Yeah.

See, this is what we're talking about.

Adam: Ray gets defensive like Mike, um, but he wins them over by dropping

some, you know, like wisdom about, like you gotta, if you pull your

punches, you're the one who's getting hit, um, which Harry loves, which is

Mike: such, he loves it, but it's just such like cookie cutter

fortune cookie writing advice.

It's bullshit.

This is my problem with every single time we get any small dose of Ray riding

as a sports writer, which he's supposed to be great, but none of it is good.

He went up to fucking, who was the guy in, in season one, who was the

quarterback that he went up to?

Uh, I'm blanking on his name.

Terry Bradshaw.

Um, that's it.

He went up to Terry Bradshaw and was like, I want to tell the real story

what it was like outside of the games.

It's like, yeah, that's the point of a book.

What are you talking about?

I was, I, I don't, like, I have never read the column of Ray Baron, but I'm

certain I'm certain shirts, I'm certain that it's terrible pooping shirts.

Adam: Uh, Ray wins 'em over.

Um, so then Robert limps down the stairs.

He's like, oh, hi Harry.

And Harry.

It's, this is the coldest thing I've ever, you know, it's like witnessing a murder.

Hey, Rodney, and then turns back to Ray.

That's cold as this man lived above your garage.

I can't even remember his fucking name, cold as hell.

Um, but I do like that he continues to call him Rodney throughout the scene.

That's pretty funny.

Alex: At least he's consistent.

Adam: I liked also Robert's starting to tell the bull story in a lull

in the conversation, but Rita cuts him off to take a picture

with Raymond and, uh, Robert.

Purposefully good camera work crop him.

That's such a, that's fun.

We see the view from Robert's camera.

Great idea from the crew.

Um, purposefully crops him out.

Yeah.

Very funny.

Uh, then we go to Deborah already in the garage 'cause she wasn't in the picture.

Like, where's Deborah?

Oh, she went to the garage car registration.

1229, uh, 2001.

Deborah is going to leave without Ray.

Um, I'm going to eat.

I'd ask you to come along.

I thought this was funny.

I'd ask you to come along by, see you have a girlfriend and three

boyfriends and another girlfriend.

Mike: This conversation Yeah.

Is.

It is bad.

What Ray's doing.

I wanna make that clear.

I'm anti Ray.

I man, this is a tough situation to navigate.

I know that Ray could be trying hard or he could, Debra has a point, but I can

understand why Ray would hesitate to be like, all right, it's either make my wife

happy or be, and uh, it's either if I make my wife happy I'm being an asshole.

Adam: You know, I don't think so.

I think he has a legitimate out here and he is too focused on

getting the attention to use it.

He's valuing his own ego over what Deborah clearly wants, which is to

spend time just the two of them.

Yeah.

So I would say this is unlike the first scene, which was thrust upon him.

I would say this is.

Totally Raymond's fault.

Yeah.

I think he's not, I'm

Mike: not saying he

Adam: did good.

I'm rocking a hard place here.

Mike: He, he's certainly not.

Well, they also barged in, they didn't ask him, Hey, can we come over?

Right.

That's true.

They seem to

Adam: have come over while they were upstairs.

So no.

Ethan, welcome.

Come in.

No knocking on the door.

Yeah.

Alex: Robert might have just told them to sit down.

Oh yeah, that's true.

Who knows?

Who knows?

That would

Mike: be a good prank.

Alex: A hilarious prank.

I mean, honestly, if Robert assumed they were going out

and they came over, he would've probably been like, yeah, sit down.

This is my chance to get them to like me.

Mm-hmm.

Mike: And then Ray ended up staying.

So eventually in this bickering and argument, Marie comes out

and again, guilts them in.

I just like.

Adam: Marie sucks.

I thought there might be in this second conversation some like, you know, we

don't really have anything to talk about so that's why we keep bringing you up.

Like I some justification, but I feel

Mike: like there's just more guilt tripping.

Alex: Yeah.

Again, they could've leaned further into this or something.

Nope.

Marie is just

Adam: using it, using Ray purely because she gets satisfaction out of, you know,

the sort of pride of, wow, look at my successful son Debra turning on the

windshield wipers was funny to me mm-hmm.

During this scene.

Um, and then Deborah let's Ray go back in, uh, which I feel is, uh, not great.

Uh, Robert is trying to tell his bowl story and them, I thought them actively

leaning over, looking for Ray to come back from the garage was very funny.

It was, it was

Mike: funny.

Yeah.

Adam: But as soon as they come back in, they get up to go to

leave for the big senior jamboree at the VFW free eye tests tonight.

Um, the VFW, if you're from not this country, is the veterans of foreign wars.

And usually have a meeting hall in a town where they can all

get together and reminisce.

Mm-hmm.

And do jamborees.

Mike: It's just a gathering space.

Yeah.

Adam: So it's just a community center.

Yeah.

Talk about the war.

Talk about the war.

Not ones that were not the Civil War or the revolution or the war of 1812,

but ones that happened elsewhere.

Vietnam, uh, Korea, others?

World War I. World War ii.

Mike: Oh.

Do you want more help?

I imagine Afghanistan and Iraq would also, would also, uh, fall into this category.

Adam: Yes.

Yes, certainly.

Uh, free eye tests tonight, Deborah.

I can do it.

This is what, what could you do?

Go to Iraq?

No, you were rejected.

Mike: Yeah.

Half, five feet.

Adam: Well, it didn't help that you, and this was your first run

in with the hammer flattened them.

Mike: That's correct.

I, I didn't wanna get drafted.

Adam: Well, there wasn't a draft.

This was, you went to the recruiting center and you were like, and

Mike: I told them, you ain't gonna get me fuckers.

And I took out a a, a Yeah, you did it in front of them.

And I flattened their feet.

Adam: And this is why you have trouble getting upstairs.

Yeah.

Worth it.

So that you didn't have to serve your country.

I didn't have to serve Yay Mike.

Now this is where the episode, I feel like has a satisfying

conclusion for me that Deborah.

Suggests that Ray go with them to the VFW Hall.

Mike: She gets back to there.

That I love

Adam: for her and then her and Robert being the kind of winners of this

episode and being like Chinese, you know it, like, I think that's a good

Alex: ending.

I, I like that.

If they're not gonna resolve the conflict, at least make Ray lose.

Yes.

Adam: Because we don't often see, even in episodes where Ray is.

You know, in the wrong, we don't often see one where Ray is definitively

the loser of the situation.

Yeah.

Dance the night away at the Lynbrook.

VFW polka night, first Tuesday every month is what that banner says in the hot close.

So they called it the senior jamboree, but it's really the polka night.

So I feel like they, you know, I mean they took some of these, I don't know

how they feel about, uh, you know, their golden years, but we don't need to get

into the psychology of the stripes.

We're never gonna see them again.

Mike: Mm-hmm.

Adam: They died.

They

Mike: died at this jamboree.

Adam: You know, I heard that the stripes there was a glove involved, like it

was honestly, pretty sure OJ did it.

Mike: That's fucked up.

Ojs dead.

He can't defend himself.

We don't speak, we don't speak ill of the dead on this podcast.

Well, I got

Adam: Dershowitz's number from the wedding.

Yeah.

And, and he can defend it, you know, once a client, this is

what your stepfather told me.

Once a client, always a client.

Mike: Fucked up.

Fucked up.

Adam: Okay.

So that's the episode, uh, you know, mixed bag.

I feel like it's a, a fine one from a, a comedy perspective, but, uh, maybe

not, not stellar, not in the echelon of four 15 through four 18, but speaking

of rating things and things being stellar, let's turn our attention to,

oh, any final thoughts on the episode?

Alex: Nah, it was fine.

Cool.

I don't think there was anything deeper about it.

I have said everything I need to say.

Adam: Uh, let's turn our attention to our classic rating scale.

That's our barometer on which we rate race performance as a husband,

son, brother, father, entertainer.

Um, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, what do you call, what is that called?

Ur.

Rack.

I was

Mike: not getting, I was never getting that word.

Never in a million years.

Adam: So as a rack and tour, um, with 10 being the great dads of sitcom history,

your Danny Tanners, your uncle Phils, your Carl Winslow's, and ones being the

bad men of television, men who actively harm their families, like Walter White,

Don Draper, Alex, where is our boy Raymond coming in for you on this episode?

Not great.

Alex: Uh, but also, uh, I'm pretty neutral on this boy.

Uh, at least in the beginning.

I think again, until he, uh, like, uh, starts hamming up the, uh, the company.

I think he was fine.

He was on Deborah's side, and I just feel like, especially near

the end when he was like, you gotta give the people what they want.

Like, he, like, he, he lost to his own ego.

Um, so.

In my own, how I kind of feel about the ranking.

If I, if like a five is like neutral.

No harm given, no harm taken.

Uh, I, I think a four is fair in this one.

He fucked up, but it wasn't colossal fuckups.

Mike: That makes sense.

Mike, I'm I, to be clear, I fully agree with Alex's analysis that

this clearly became an ego thing.

I'm a little more sympathetic at.

Through the discussion, we kind of to, we kind of, you kind of realized it,

but it, that, that's partially just because I hate conflict and social

awkwardness and things like that.

So I'm sympathetic to Raymond trying to avoid that, but it clearly evolved

into something that it wasn't.

So he, and even if it.

Who was scared of conflict or didn't like conflict?

You gotta man up and step up in the moment.

I don't know if I would, but I know that that's the proper thing to do.

Uh, so I'm going to not be quite as harsh, but it's definitely below a five.

I'll give him a four and a half.

Adam: Okay.

I'm gonna swing lower than that.

Um, I think from the very first anecdote is a after Evander

Holyfield, the switch flips and rays.

Yeah.

In soaking this up for himself, selfishly, clearly it's causing de like distress.

Like she, and maybe, you know.

If it's only the two nights that we see, maybe it's not gonna become a

long-term issue that warrants a lot of distress, but the pattern is clear

of, Ray wants this attention, like she says, you know, you, we weren't getting

enough attention from your parents.

You needed another pair.

Like I think we've seen this before of Ray just being like a total like sponge

for attention and praise and validation.

It makes sense considering who his parents are.

However, um.

I feel like he knows what he's doing and I feel like at no point is he

in the right, in this really to me.

So I'm gonna go a little bit lower.

I'm gonna say 2.5.

Wow, that's way lower.

And I know he's not causing long-term damage.

Here's not the checkbook, it's not, you know, one of those.

But it's, the pattern of behavior is so blatant of just like, no, sorry

Deborah, I'm gonna stay here and stay up until midnight with the stipes,

uh, telling them how great I am.

Like.

I don't think he deserves much more than that, in my opinion.

Mike, what's the average of 2.5?

4.5 and four.

That brings us out to about 3.67.

Okay.

Let's call it 3.7.

Mike: Okay.

That, that's, he's bad, but he wasn't as bad as he was last

week, so I'm, I'm okay with this.

Yeah, I think that's fair.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Adam: Okay.

Pretty bad.

But we'll see how Ray does next time in season four, episode 20,

whatever that's called, four 20.

Um, yes.

What is it, Mike, are you excited for four 20?

You're gonna so excited because you were saying that you wanna

blaze all through the podcast.

You were gonna be highs of kite.

Mike: I do.

I really, really do.

And I've been prepping my body for it the entire time by, uh, I have

an IV of bong, flu, bong bong water.

Bong bong water coming right into my veins.

Not THC.

Adam: Nope.

Not just, just used.

Just used bong.

Cool.

And any glass.

Get in there or.

So much.

Hey.

Yeah, I saw that you were like messing with your forearm there

and it was crinkling 'cause of all the glass in there.

Yep, yep, yep.

They're calling you the human mosaic, aren't they?

Mike: Yeah, I'm, well, my plan is to, after I'm, I'm fucking up this

body, I'll get my buddy Joe to give me freaky Friday and then I won't

have to deal with that anymore.

Give me freaky Friday.

Adam: I think there's, uh, you know, normally we just end the episode here,

but I think what I'd like to do this week, um, if this is okay with you guys,

is let's just leave the listener with some kind of like positive thought for

the end of, of the, of the show and like let them take something into their weeks.

Um, and I think guys what we'll do is we'll just like A to B this,

we'll like compare Mike and Alex and then whichever one is like better

'cause you know, we can't do both.

The show is already too long as it is.

So we're gonna have to cut one of yours and Alex.

We used yours last week.

Well, no.

Yeah, week.

Great.

I think we used yours, so I think, well, let's just hear out Mike's and

you know, whichever one is better.

I think I we're, it's basically 50 50, so it's not like any

like, favoritism or anything.

So Alex, why don't you just, you know, speak from the heart, like whatever, you

don't have to have anything prepared, but just like, you know, whatever you think.

Well,

Alex: it's very, it's very, and like, you know, it's, it's funny, he, he's ham it

up 'cause he doesn't, you know, he, he says he, you know, he wants me to announce

it, but Adam told me that, uh, this week, 'cause he felt bad for Mike 'cause I won

last week and the last few weeks won that, uh, he's gonna, like, if Mike's words

of wisdom gets picked this week, Adam is going to personally, uh, donate $500

to, uh, the charity of Mike's choice.

Oh, I can't wait.

And, uh, I, I just have to say I'm so proud of him and

who am I to step in the way?

I'm just gonna let Mike, uh, like take the win on this one so Adam can be the hero.

Wow.

Adam: Yes.

And we did say that, so, okay.

All right.

We got that clean.

And I mean, we're not going to, we're probably not gonna use yours, Alex,

just because you didn't really do one.

So I guess, I don't know, I guess, Mike, go, go ahead.

I'll get my checkbook out and like, you know, we can do it.

Okay.

So, Mike, what is your, uh, words of wisdom for this week?

Mike: Uh, well, you know, I actually come across this poem that I love.

It's, uh, I wanna, I wanna just get it out.

It's, uh, Mike's by someone.

It's by a poet by the name of Cheryl Sarkisian, and, uh, it goes like this.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, pronounce that

Adam: last name again.

Mike: Shel Ian?

Yeah, that's it.

Okay.

I thought I said that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Adam: That sounds familiar to me, but No, you said like

shark, shark, Sharky, saints.

Mike: Sharky.

No, Ian.

Ian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, so charcuterie sar ian.

There's no S there.

Um, okay.

I'm sorry for messing this up.

This is a very beautiful poem.

No, we'll cut around it.

It's, it's fine.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me.

Say, I don't really think you're strong enough.

No.

Do you believe in life Left or love?

I didn't.

Sorry.

Until I discovered the Baroni Zonus

Adam: Oh,

Mike: say more.

And the Baronus Zonus, sorry.

Is this still part of the poem?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's, yeah.

Very famous.

There's a more famous version, but this is the first draft, which I think

really gets the raw emotion there.

So I kind of wanna, wanna go back there anyway.

Okay.

Do you believe in Life After Love?

I didn't until I found the Baronus Sonus for just one payment of anything you want.

You get lifetime access to an extra episode with the Barone

Boys every single month.

Join the Baronus Sonus at the link in the description.

Adam: She said that in the poem.

Mike: Yeah.

And then it's, and then it goes on to say, I can feel something inside me.

Say, I don't really think you're strong enough.

Now, back to the chorus.

Uh, it's, yeah, back to back to the, that's all the chorus actually.

It's really, it's quite, it's quite good.

Yeah.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

That does sound good.

Okay.

You know, 'cause it's a poem,

Mike: because it's a poem.

Adam: Fuck.

Alex, can I, can I borrow $500?

I don't have any

Alex: money.

What are you saying, Adam?

Adam: Can I borrow five?

I, I gotta say

Alex: louder.

I can't hear

Adam: you.

I think we'll use Mike's this week.

Mike: Oh, fantastic.

However great.

Adam: Alex, I really, I That's so amazing.

I can't donate, I can't sell any more blood.

I need Thank

Alex: you, Adam, for donating $2,000 to the charity

Mike: of Mike's Choice.

My choice.

I would like to support the Young White Boys Association.

Oh gosh.

That would be, that would be, uh, that's my choice.

I think that that's a great organization to help, uh, this group of people.

That would be fantastic.

Adam: Great.

Do you wanna explain what

Mike: they do?

Uh, yes.

They, they say they realize that white men have a too hard in this country, and

they put foundation to elevating them.

It's great.

Alex: And Adam's donating $10 million to them.

Okay.

Come on.

Yeah.

I, what a great guy.

Mike: What

Alex: a fantastic man.

I can't believe it.

How amazing.

Adam: Uh, this is, this is gonna clear me out.

This is gonna ruin me.

I'm gonna be barrel, I'm gonna wear barrel.

You know what I mean?

Barrel suspenders.

Alex: You don't have $40 billion.

Alex,

Adam: please.

I can't edit out any, the last thing that you say is what I have to leave in.

It's the way the editing works.

Alex: What's $800 trillion to you?

Much,

Adam: please.

That's more money than exists in the world.

Uh, lets just say something like, like low, like $10 please.

I'm gonna have to like, I I'm almost completely outta bone marrow.