Hark Tuah / 4.15 Robert's Rodeo

Mike: Good morning students and faculty of Lynbrook University.

As you know, each week you are required to watch an episode

of Everybody Loves Raymond.

This week's episode is Season 4, Episode 15, Robert's Rodeo, in which Robert gets

gored in the rear by a bull and has to stay with Marie and Frank for a while.

We recommend watching the show as soon as possible to prepare

for what you are about to hear.

And celebrating our annual Christmas celebration, the boys basketball

team will be dunking children through hoops starting at 4.

30. Come on by to get your seats.

Can I

Adam: be right there?

Leaving now.

And this is to Oop, wrong Mike.

Move that.

That was Mike H. Uh, there's Mike I. Mike There, Michael B. Jordan.

Okay.

Send.

Oh, hello?

Hey Adam,

Alex: can you let me in?

I forgot my keys.

Adam: Oh, sure.

Here you go.

Alex: Ah, thanks man.

Are you ready to go?

Adam: Uh, yeah.

I'm on my way out.

You just got here though.

I mean, I'm going out.

Alex: Yeah, it's, it's the, it's, you know, the, the bimonthly Renaissance Fair.

You said you'd go with me two bi monthlies ago.

Adam: Oh yeah.

Oh my God.

Yeah, you're right.

And I was so excited for it.

But unfortunately, I, I've gotta go to the, um, to work, I have to go to work at,

you know, I got that job at the hospital.

What hospital?

Uh, Queens Hospital Center.

Oh yeah, that is a real place.

I got that job, um, changing the seepage pads.

They need me to come in.

Thank you for asking.

They need me to come in because some fucking dumbass janitor spilled

coffee all over the seepage pads.

And of course the pads seeped them right up.

So I gotta go.

To the hospital, gotta go get the new seepage pads.

It's a whole thing.

So that's why I can't go.

It's gonna be hours of swapping out seepage pads.

Alex: So I mean, you're gonna miss It's gonna be a great time.

There's mutton, there's I know.

There's dancing, there's a sword swallower, but instead of the

mouth, they Do it the other way?

Adam: I know, I was really looking forward to that and I totally remembered that.

But I just gotta go.

They're gonna fire me if I don't go.

I gotta go.

Oh,

Alex: okay.

I guess I could just go alone.

We'll do it next

Adam: by month.

I promise.

Yeah,

Alex: okay.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

It comes by all the time.

Okay.

Do you need to use my phone?

Why?

Adam: I don't know.

Just felt right to ask.

Alex: No, I mean, I'll just, uh, you know, Um, I haven't talked to Mike

yet, But he's, you know, two and five months ago, We planned to all go, so

I'll just hang out with him there.

Adam: I'll just go find him there.

I think Mike's, um, dead.

I think Mike died again.

So I wouldn't try to get in touch with him.

Definitely not.

at Cold Stone Creamery.

I definitely wouldn't look for him there.

Where he's not one half of a team that's gonna try to do the ice

cream trough challenge where you eat an entire trough of all the

different ice creams, the leftovers.

Definitely don't look for him.

He's not gonna be doing that, and definitely not with me, so.

Do not worry, he's dead and it's fine.

Okay, I really have to go.

Alex: Do you still have God's

Mike: number?

Adam's, Adam's phone, thanks.

Uh, the little thing is like, love it of Oreo overload?

Adam: No.

Okay, I really gotta go.

Who was that?

Nothing.

It was, um, the IRS.

Again?

Yeah, they thanked me for paying too much taxes, uh, you know, they're so thirsty.

Mike: Peanut butter perfection?

Adam: I, it's them again, I, so they asked for nudes, you know,

it's a whole thing with them.

Alex: I mean, you are very tasteful in that regard, yes.

Nudes?

Okay.

Adam: I really have to go.

Alex: Okay, I, that's fine, I will, uh, I'll tell you all about it later.

Adam: Okay,

Alex: yeah, no, have fun, what, uh, yeah, have fun.

I mean, goodbye.

Not too much.

Oh, okay, you're already leaving.

Okay, bye.

I live here.

Can I come in?

Adam: Oh, sorry.

I thought you would step through.

I'm not really looking at you.

I'm just, I'm texting with the IRS.

No, you were the one who was going to

Alex: work, yeah.

Yeah,

Adam: yeah, I gotta go.

Oh, don't

Alex: you need your scrubs?

You left them on the couch.

I don't want no scrubs.

Okay, don't you need your cleaning brush?

You left it On the couch.

That,

Adam: I

Alex: do need actually.

I'm

Adam: gonna grab that and I

Alex: Yeah and here's Definitely not gonna hide this in the closet.

Don't you need your giant spoon labeled ice cream monster?

No, why would I need that?!

That's ridiculous.

Okay good.

That's gonna, I'm gonna Yeah, I'm bringing that to the renaissance fair

then if you don't need it for the next three hours, which why would you

Adam: have fun?

Um going to that by yourself and i'm definitely not gonna be

stopping at the spoon store on my way to uh, Work, why would you?

Goodbye,

Mike: okay, you said okay to nudes but like you didn't send a

picture what the hell's going on?

Adam: Hold on alex.

I gotta unzip really quick and we cut

To Alex at the Renaissance Fair.

Alex: Well, it would be more fun with my friends here to humiliate,

but it's still nice to be alone here at the Renaissance Fair.

Hark, you there!

Who, me?

You right there, yes, with the big spoon.

That's me, I, spoon!

I have a spoon.

Mike: Mance walks up with a gigantic fork.

Alex: Oh

Mike: shit.

We've been looking for

Adam: you.

Alex: The jousting show is about to start.

I feel like, uh, I feel like fork versus spoon isn't a great idea here.

I will

Mike: skewer you where you stand.

Adam: Dude, none of this is, not talking to you, I'm talking to the new guy, none

of this is real, you're not gonna actually get hurt, don't worry, he's just gonna

like slap you around with it, the thing is not even, like, that's work, right?

I do

Mike: not slap, I stab!

Adam: Yeah, he's methods, so he's not gonna talk to you on this level,

but you and I, what's your name?

Alex.

Alex!

Okay, but let's come up with something a little more, like, character y, though.

Yes, that's lame.

Because it's the renaissance fair, like, Right.

Alexander the, you know, some, whatever you feel, Spoonie.

Describes you.

I like Alexander the Spoonie.

Alexander the Spoonie.

Alright, fine.

That's fine with me, I mean.

Alex: I get spooned all the time by my

Adam: friend Mike.

And you signed You signed the waiver, right?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Of course I

Alex: signed the waiver.

Adam: So Hark, ladies and um, lords.

Hark!

Tua!

Alex: Isn't that what they say?

That's my line, right?

That's

Adam: really good, Alex.

That's really good.

You have a bright future here.

Thanks.

Hark!

The jousting between Alexander the Spoony and the Mother Forker.

Will be taking place at 2pm, it's 1.

55pm now, so we are seating at the jousting, uh, what do you call it?

Stadium, at the jousting stadium.

Please form a single file line and have your fast pass, people in the fast pass

lane, you're going to want to have your fast pass band visible, or you will

not be admitted and you'll have to go back to the general admission line.

Mike: You wouldn't want to fast pass to this thing where I did,

I'm sorry, the Harktua really threw me, threw me off there for a bit.

That was really, that was really quiet, that was really quite quality.

Adam: Hey Dale, can you screen print a couple of t shirts

real quick for the merch stand?

Uh, Harktua.

Already on it.

Okay, thank you.

These walkie talkies are great.

Alright!

To the joust.

Alex: Yeah, so I see like I have one of like the, like the little like

little, little, little tricycle and he has like an actual motorcycle.

Adam: Yeah.

The joust is kind of, it's renaissance, but it's also kind of evil Knievel kind

of monster truck jam kind of extreme.

And that's why the school buses, that's why the school buses are in

between you guys and you're gonna.

Take the ramp, you're gonna take the ramp and then just, you know, thrust and, you

know, try to knock him off his motorcycle.

Mike: I am the champion, so the motherfucker gets a Harkley Davidson.

A

Adam: Harkley Davidson.

Harkley Davidson.

Dale, how are the Harkley Davidson shirts selling?

Doing as well.

Go Har ua.

Has that already sold out?

I got the notification that already sold out.

No,

Mike: I'm fighting them off with that stick.

They want the Har

Adam: TOAs.

Okay.

And is anyone settling for Harley Davidson or are they mostly

still using them as napkins?

Alex: Uh, we've been using them to, to as, uh, uh, as, as seepage.

Yeah.

Mike: Yeah.

Hawk 2 is current, but the Davidson's got staying power, just you

wait, just you wait, you'll see.

Adam: In the sense that they're made out of a non biodegradable

material, yeah, those Of course.

Gwen, I saw that thing, did you guys see that Did you guys see that thing

on PBS about how when the Earth dies from global warming, the only

thing that'll still exist are these, you know Gildan beefy tees that we

printed all the Harkley Davidsons on.

I

Mike: told you,

Adam: I told you it was a good idea.

Can you, when you're on the walkie talkie, you don't have to do the voice.

I know Yes, I do.

Your method.

I method, I know you're always talking about Christian Bale and

how you want to be like him, you're, A, you're not gonna be Batman.

Mike: He knows.

You don't know that, you don't know that.

Alex: Uh, excuse me, sir. Yes, while you while you guys were on your

walkie talkie that Alex guy tripped on a rock and bashed his head in.

Oh

Adam: No, okay Yeah, that looks like we're gonna want the actual ambulance Dale.

We're gonna want The actual ambulance to come down, not

the pretend horse drawn one.

Bring a couple of Harkley Davidsons because there's a lot of blood

and we are gonna need to see.

Eugh!

Oh!

Sorry I threw up into the trough.

Does that, do we still have to eat it?

Mike: Yeah, um, it, nobody was looking and technically if you vomit you lose.

So I need you to actually scoop that up.

Yeah,

Alex: dog rules.

Dog rules.

Dog rules.

Mike: Oh,

Alex: come

Mike: on man.

It's gotta

Alex: go down and stay down.

Dude, you're fucking, you're fucking Okay, alright, I know

how important this is to you.

Mike: You're embarrassing me.

Adam: I know, I know, you're trying to impress the girl

behind the counter, I know.

Mike: Dude, I gotta Listen, that girl only goes out with people that

can finish a good gotta have it.

I have never finished a gotta have it, okay?

I've only gotten to love it.

And that's it.

I, I can't, I can't finish the trifecta.

Mike, we all know that

Adam: you've never gotten to love it.

Have sex.

He's

Mike: also never finished.

Maybe, but you're a judge, you're supposed to be

Adam: impartial.

Believe me, I've seen, uh, his wallpaper.

He's definitely finished.

Mike, you should take the blacklight out of your room, by the way.

Mike: You, you're not supposed to turn it on.

That's for me.

What?

To like, check your

Adam: work?

Mike: Yeah, I need to know.

I need to know if I'm covered, you know?

arghh oh that's another one out.

That guy's out.

That guy's out.

We did it.

We did

Adam: it.

Okay.

So it's just you and me at the Trough.

We've got the ice cream, uh, mixture.

Al, Adam,

Mike: Adam.

I'm here too.

I can see this all.

I don't know what you're, what you're telling me about.

I'm just, I'm psyching

Adam: myself up to eat my own vomit from the ice cream trough.

Mike: Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

Adam: Don't worry about it?

Mike: Don't worry about it.

Just don't think

Adam: about it.

A little.

All right.

Shut up.

Mike: Who are you?

Alex: Jackson.

Adam: He's running the, he's wearing the referee shirt.

I assumed he was running it.

Does he, do you just work at Foot Locker or you're running this, right?

Alex: I'm not affiliated with this, but they saw my shirt and just put

me here next to you guys to judge.

So I guess I'm in charge now.

Adam: Okay.

Do I have to eat my vomit?

Alex: Yes.

Adam: Alright.

And Mike, you seemed pretty sure that this was a love at first sight situation

with the young woman behind the counter and you said, you turned to me and

said one of those classic moments, you turned to me and said, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna marry that girl.

Mike: I don't know what's so funny about that.

That's my real, that's my, that's my feelings.

Just

Adam: because that's happened on a daily basis pretty much every time we walk past

a woman for the past couple of years.

So, are you sure about this one?

Yes.

Because you've been wrong thus far.

Except for, you were married back in the 80s, right?

Mike: I was married, I was married a lot back in the 80s, actually.

Yeah, it was, um, I had my, my, my most recent, that's right, I've been married

multiple times, but I'm still a virgin.

I, I, I did, I, I've been married four times, to be clear.

Okay.

And yeah, but listen, I know what love doesn't feel like, and this is

different, this has gotta be real love.

Okay.

Alex: Seems like your life

Mike: sucks.

Hey, shut up, Jackson.

And why don't you go get me your manager's number?

That'd be pretty good.

I don't work here.

Adam: Hey, Mike, why don't I just This is kind of an individual thing, right?

Like, if I drop out and you finish, you'll still win, right?

Mike: Yeah, that's how it works.

Adam: Okay, so I'm not gonna eat my vomit.

I'm gonna go walk up to the counter.

I'm, I'm dropping out, everyone.

Jackson, please process that I'm drop Stamp whatever form you need to.

I mean, you're already

Alex: disqualified because you didn't eat your vomit.

Adam: That wasn't in the rules.

And the rules were short, so there might be some bylaws somewhere

I don't know about, but that wasn't advertised as a feature.

Anyway, I'm out.

I'm gonna go talk to her at the counter and see, kinda gauge the

vibe wingman a little bit for you.

Mike: That's, uh, that's, that's, psh, fucking sucker, are you kidding me?

Uh, that's, I'm still on the Oreo, I'm still on, I just finished

the Oreo Overload, I'm going into the Birthday Cake Remix.

Okay, you seem to

Adam: be missing that I'm trying to help you.

Mike: No, I, you don't understand, talking to women doesn't win them, what

wins them is winning weird challenges dealing with them eating as much ice

cream from a pig trowel as possible.

Alex: Well, as a virgin, I can see you're clearly the expert on the subject.

I know this!

I know this!

Adam: Alright.

Mike: Regardless,

Adam: I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go talk to her.

Mike: Jackson, eat Adam's vomit.

Adam: Excuse me, uh, Marie, is it?

Alex: Of course it's Marie, how can I help you?

Adam: This must be a pretty, pretty, like Crazy day for you, right?

All these guys on the, on the floor eating out of the, eating the ice

cream runoff out of the trough.

Um, pretty crazy, huh?

Alex: Well, that's how I like my man.

I like to watch him eat the ice cream.

Oh, really?

Adam: Yeah, well, what do you think about that guy right there number seven?

Alex: He

Adam: looks like a virgin.

Wow, what if I told you he is?

Wow, he's definitely not an ice cream virgin.

Alex: He's eating a lot of ice cream.

Adam: Yeah, look at how he eats the ice cream

Yeah, a lot of tongue action there, huh?

Anyway, see

Mike: Jackson the trick is to do the alphabet.

I'm not asking

Adam: anyway He's single.

I mean, would you be interested in a guy like that?

Mike: Hmm.

Alex: Well, I do like men that are so preoccupied to eat ice cream that they

don't even have time to come talk to me.

Adam: Yeah, well, can I tell you something?

Alex: Yeah.

Adam: He told me that he's just doing this to impress you.

Alex: Uh, I think that's sweet, I guess.

Haha,

Adam: cause ice cream.

Alex: Yeah.

What would you

Adam: say to, um, after all this is over, maybe you and Mike go out on a date?

I know the manager at Del Domino's.

I can get you a table.

Alex: Del Domino's?

Adam: Yeah.

Alex: I suppose I could try.

Why ain't I?

Hell

Mike: yeah.

Alex: Adam, Adam, Adam.

Yeah, what's up Mike?

Mike: I'm rounding the trough off of the birthday cake remix.

I'm going into the dirt one.

Alex: Oh my god, he's such a virgin.

I am so into him.

Adam: Mike, this is Marie.

What was that

Mike: ma'am?

This is Marie.

Hey Marie, hey.

How's it going, babe?

Alex: Nice spoon.

I don't suppose you wrestle with anything bigger.

Mike: I sometimes use bigger spoons.

Alex: How big are we talking?

Mike: Sometimes they're like, tablespoon size.

Adam: I'm gonna Oh my god.

leave.

Mike: Mike and Marie start making out in the trough.

Adam: Whoa, whoa, hold on, my phone's buzzing.

What?

Hello?

Oh my god, Queens Hospital Center?

Yes?

Oh my god.

Mike!

Mike.

Mike.

Mike.

Not

Mike: now.

Adam: Alex is in the hospital.

Mike: Oh, good for

Adam: him.

No, not, I know he's majoring in pre-med now, but he's not a doctor.

He's a patient.

He cut to the hospital.

Hey Alex.

How you doing buddy?

Alex: That was great practice, sir, but, uh, like I said,

uh, he's in the other room.

Adam: Okay, but did it seem believable, like, that I am concerned, and

I don't know the nature of his injury, so I'm trying to find a

balance between, like, you know, weeping, and just being flippant.

I mean, I felt pretty comfortable.

Okay.

And what are you in for?

Uh Does it have something to do with the cast on your penis?

Alex: Yeah, I met this girl Marie It did not end well, let me tell you.

Adam: Oh, man, that's funny.

I better go.

I'm Back out to the waiting room with my friend Mike and actually he's here

with a girl named Marie It's really coming back into style, isn't it?

Okay.

Goodbye Apparently that was the wrong room so I think it's this one.

Mike: Yes.

Okay, okay.

Just wait, babe.

We'll find him.

She can come in.

I don't care.

Adam: I truly don't care.

Okay.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Alex: Oh, hey, guys.

Adam: Hey, Alex.

Oh my god, look at that bandage on your head.

Are you all right?

What happened?

Alex: No, Adam, I am not all right.

I made a fool of myself in front of two men who I just met.

They weren't even you guys.

Listen,

Mike: if it makes you feel any better, I got you some berry, berry blue ice cream.

Adam: I wouldn't eat that.

It's from the trough.

I mean, we didn't go, we didn't go to the, nothing.

Eat it.

Alex: Sure.

Mmm.

I like that like weird metallic vomity aftertaste that Cold Stone usually has.

Mike: It's a special.

Alex: Yeah, it's good.

Um, yeah, no, I, I, see, I, I made the mistake of bringing the giant spoon.

If I didn't bring the giant spoon, I wouldn't have been mistaken for a

worker and then talked into doing the, the, the utensil jousting with the

guy with the big fork and, uh, well, you know, obviously how that ended.

Adam: Oh yeah, I do remember when you were talking about the, the fork and

spoon jousting at the Renaissance Fair.

Sorry, Mike, go ahead.

Mike: I was going to ask the Did you get stabbed by a giant pork?

Alex: No, I would have kicked his ass, but I tripped on a rock

on the way out to the field.

Mike: Is that always the way?

That's, that's what happens, that's what happens.

Are you

Alex: kidding me?

I would have, I would have fucking annihilated him.

Adam: So you busted your skull, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, and that probably would have happened if I had

been there anyway, right?

Alex: Well, no if you were there I would have gone into the to the to the two

person ride Where it's like a it's like a mechanical bull But it's only you

only can ride it if you're two people and like you face each other and you

gotta hold on to each Other for support.

It's meant for couples.

Yeah, but I thought it'd be fun if we did it

Adam: tandem mechanical bull Yeah, Matandamalbowl.

Matandamal Matandamalbowl.

It's

Alex: hot.

Adam: Babe, we should do that.

Alex, this is Marie from the, uh, I didn't catch your Oh, from

Alex: Cold Stone.

Yeah, no, I, we had a thing a few months ago.

You had a what?

Yeah.

Yeah, hi, Alex.

Adam: I'm just looking at her name tag, Marie E, not to

be confused with any other.

Alex: Yeah, Mike, remember that, like, weekend where my dick was broken?

Mike: Yeah, what about it?

Alex: Meet the Dick Breaker.

Mike: Oh, oh, no.

Marie, I didn't, Marie, I thought you were just into spoons.

I didn't, what are you, what'd you do to, what?

He's

Adam: so

Alex: innocent, you know, he's, he's never, I don't bash with the spoon.

I don't, I don't scoop with the spoons.

I bash with the spoons.

Mike: Oh, no.

Okay, uh,

Alex: Marie takes Mike's hand and starts dragging him away.

Mike: Nope, no, babe, no, we don't have to, uh, don't, young

Alex: love, I, I don't know, Mike told me, feel a little better.

Mike told me that it was

Adam: love at first sight, when there they go, out the door.

Alex: You're never ready Mike, but you gotta take that gotta do it sometime.

Yeah, of course he does.

Well,

Adam: you're sure that this is my fault

Alex: Who's saying it's your fault?

No one work.

No one.

Yeah, you're right.

I I had to work here.

I'm not blaming you I'm amazed you managed to not only visit me, um, you

know, even when you're so busy, but you also managed to, you also took

the time to change out of your work clothes to appear more approachable.

Adam: Yes.

While my shift is over now, I've changed all the, uh, what did I say?

Changed all the seepage pads.

So, I, yeah, I changed back into my civilian clothes, um, and I wasn't lying.

Yeah, of course.

Right.

I know, because you're my friend.

I'm your friend, and if I'm feeling bad about this, it's just sympathy,

and I don't feel any personal responsibility for what happened to you.

And I'm saying you shouldn't feel personally responsible.

This is

Alex: just Like, you know, we just had to, you know, you were busy and

because you were busy, I just, you know, I, I, you know, different events

happened, but you know, it's not like it was your fault that you were busy.

You had work.

Mike: Hmm.

Alex: If anything, I blame your boss.

Ha.

I'm just kidding.

I'm sure your boss is a fine person.

Adam: Oh yeah.

No, my boss is a real hard ass.

Let me tell you.

That m motherfucking guy who runs the hospital, uh, a nurse comes in.

That guy who runs the hospital is such a dick to those of

us who are employed by him.

Mike: I don't know, he gave us a Christmas bonus last year.

It was like two hundred thousand dollars a piece.

It was it was actually Quite generous, I like him.

Adam: Oh, yeah, well, besides that, and I don't think we've had a chance to meet

yet, I've met everyone on the, uh, seventh floor, but not this one, certainly.

What's your name?

Mike: I'm Angie, I'm based on the seventh floor.

Adam: Oh, I must have just missed you.

I'm Adam, I am in charge of the seepage pads, which, as

you know, is a real job here.

Mike: Yeah, yeah, no, I was just, that was my rotation last, last week.

Adam: Yeah, so you know and yeah, you know how hard our

boss is on seepage pad changers.

Actually,

Mike: I really wish he was a bit stricter.

They just kind of let anything go there There's so much that they last week.

I'll tell you what.

Listen, I'm just hey, I hope you're feeling good I gotta sit down for a

second my boss last week Just sits

Adam: down on the bed on top of Alex's legs and she sort of sinks

down it In between his legs.

Mike: Yeah, I just, I don't get it.

He brought in, like, just pool towels and he said, yeah, that's good enough.

I really wish he wouldn't.

I wish he, you know, that seems deeply unhygienic.

I

Alex: need a clean seepage pad for my brain hole.

Mike: Oh, we can get you one of those.

Alex: Great.

I don't know where they are, right?

Adam just cleaned them all, so he can go get me one.

Mike: Well Remember, we want one of the brain variety, okay?

We can't have the gut ones.

Alex: Yes, I'd ask Mike to do it, but he's busy with, uh You know, the dick breaker.

Mike: A yelp of pain comes down the, uh, the corridor.

Adam: And they, um, they're, I know where they are on the seventh floor,

obviously, but they're in a clearly marked and labeled place on this

floor as well, and not locked, right?

Luckily,

Alex: this is a pretty small hospital, so it won't take you long.

Mike: Yeah, there are seven floors to this hospital.

All right, look.

Alex,

Adam: am

Mike: I confusing?

Adam: I need to talk to you for a second.

Look.

Sure.

Angie,

come with me.

Let's walk and talk, um.

Oh,

Mike: okay.

Let's do a Sorkin.

Yeah, he didn't need much help anyway.

Adam: Has Sorkin ever done a medical?

Or is it all politics and news with him?

Mike: He's, oh, he did sports that one time.

That was it.

Adam: That's true.

And sketch comedy.

Mike: He did sketch comedy.

He did the one about the, about the, the Facebook.

Adam: The Facebook?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, the one with, uh, Jesse Eisenberg.

Oh, he

Adam: did that?

I don't know if that's Yeah, he wrote Social Network.

He did.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

But he's never done a hospital.

Let's do our own little fun, like, Sorkin esque walk and talk through the hospital.

Yeah, that's fun.

We walk through the halls of the hospital very quickly.

Um, listen, I don't actually work here.

I don't know if you could tell.

What?

I don't know if you could tell, but I don't work here.

My friend Alex You

Mike: look like someone that does.

Thank

Adam: you.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: That's very kind of you to say.

Mike: No, like it's, it's uncanny.

Yeah.

Adam: Who?

Mike: Mata.

Adam: Mata?

Who's

Mike: that?

He, he's my boss.

Adam: The guy who runs the hospital?

Yeah.

He looks like you.

And what is that position called?

The director of the hospital.

Ah.

Are you telling me Yeah.

that I have a twin?

Yeah, kinda.

Okay, you gotta take me to this guy right now.

Forget what I was about to confess about not working here,

my friend being a, um, you know, me feeling guilt about my friend.

I'm over that.

I don't care about that anymore.

Oh, I

Mike: mean, we could talk about that.

Adam: No, it was my fault.

I have a therapy certification.

Oh, really?

That's good for Congratulations.

But No.

I got that first.

You were a therapist and then you became a nurse?

Yeah!

Wow.

You just couldn't get enough of helping people, could you?

Mike: I love it.

Adam: You're a s You know what it

Mike: was?

Saint Andy.

You know what?

Therapists don't work on the weekends.

So I had to, I had to find something the whole time.

You needed a weekend

Adam: job?

Mike: Yeah.

So

Adam: you're a nurse on the weekend and a therapist during the week.

What do you do at night?

You sing?

You, you strike me as a jazz singer.

Mike: Oh, do I?

No, I put

Adam: out fires.

Really?

Yeah.

But you sing.

Yeah, I sing!

Yeah, I thought I s Yeah!

I've seen your album!

Yeah!

Mike: You know it!

Yeah!

Adam: What's it called again?

Mike: Angie the Nurse.

Self titled.

Adam: Eponymous.

Yeah!

Listen, I set in motion the chain of events that caused my friend to break

open his brainhole, but I'm over it.

I wanna meet my I wanna meet my long lost twin.

Okay.

Take me to him.

But let's be sneaky about it.

Let's slow down our walk and talk and get into more of a Scooby Doo creeping with

the arms up and the big steps, you know.

Yeah, like that.

Perfect.

Mike: Yeah, I've done this once or twice.

Adam: Angie, have you ever done mocap?

You know, with the ping pong balls on your head?

Mike: Oh,

Adam: all

Mike: the time.

Adam: I was,

Mike: I was one of the models for Avatar.

Adam: I thought you looked familiar.

Mike: Yeah, I looked like the blue people.

Adam: Yeah.

The Na'vi.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: Have you met Andy Serkis?

Andy Serkis.

Mike: Who's Andy?

Is he the guy that did the social network?

Adam: Alright, we sneak up to the 7th floor of the hospital, which

is completely unlike what I had given the impression that it was.

It's executive suites.

Mike: Yeah, it's, you see, as we get off the elevator, there's

a foosball table to the left.

There's, you know, there's beanbag chairs all around.

Adam: Nap pods.

Mike: Bottled.

Bottled.

Google modeled their break room off of the 7th floor of the Queen's Hospital.

Adam: Yes.

Ding!

Oh my god, look at all these fun young people.

He's right back here.

Yeah, it's great.

He's right back

Mike: here.

Adam: Back here in this, uh, completely glass walled office.

Is that him?

Mike: Yep, that's him.

We see it's Adam.

It's a guy that looks exactly like Adam.

So once again, uh, beard, mustache.

Uh, no glasses, this guy's got, does not have glasses, but he is wearing a

funky hat, he's wearing flannel, he looks like, he's too small to be a lumberjack,

but clearly inspired to have that aesthetic, he, uh, he's, he, you can see I

Adam: could be a lumberjack.

There's no way you

Mike: could be a lumberjack.

Adam: I could run like the admin in the office or something.

That's not a

Mike: lumberjack, that's not a lumberjack.

Adam: It's all part of the industry.

Go on.

Mike: He's got a, um, He's got a Starbucks cup on his desk.

Uh, and you can see that the specificities on the Starbucks cup

are so long that the sticker goes off the cup and reaches down to the floor.

And you see him just typing away on his uh, standing desk as he's walking, uh,

to, uh, to get some, get some exercise in.

Adam: On a little treadmill under the desk?

On a little, yeah,

Mike: standing desk, yeah, treadmill desk, I'm sorry.

Understood.

Yeah, yeah.

Adam: Oh my god.

He looks exactly like

Mike: me.

Yeah, just you wait.

He, uh, opens, she opens the door.

Oh no, I'm not ready.

Hey, Director Mata?

Yes, that's me.

Hey, Director Mata, uh, we have someone that I'd like you to meet.

He, uh, he He's been working on the seventh floor for

about, uh, oh, oh, oh, sorry.

He lied about that.

He lied about working on the seventh floor for a few weeks because he, he

wants to, you know, lie to his friend because he was a dick and got him hurt.

Alex: Lying about working here?

That's a fireable offense.

Mike: Yeah, I know, but I thought you wanted to be the one to do it.

Anyway, Adam, if you would like to come in.

Adam: Hello, I step into the room and we do a little bit of a Marx Brothers mirror

gag where I'm waving my hand and he's waving his hand the same way and I, you

know, I'm looking down my, looking around the corner of the doorframe at him and

he's looking at, it's, it's one of those.

My god, we're

Alex: twins.

Am I really that fat?

Excuse

Adam: you, we're exactly the same weight, look.

Alex: Yes, that's why I'm asking, yeah.

Yeah, but

Adam: we're not fat.

We're Oh,

Alex: thank god.

Average.

Yeah.

Average.

And like, sexy mini lumberjack style.

Below

Adam: average height, but average BMI.

We're right in the middle.

And you obviously as a medical professional know all about BMI.

TMI is what I call it.

I agree.

I don't like to share that with people.

We're really hitting it off.

Almost like

Alex: brothers.

I agree.

Almost.

Come, why don't you sit down while I lecture you about

random things for an hour.

Mike: I'll leave you, I'll leave you guys to it.

Uh, Director Mata, do you want the NPR on or off as I leave?

Alex: Haha, you know there's no off switch.

Mike: Yeah, I know, I just thought I'd mess with you.

Do you

Alex: have any feeling left?

Mike: I lost feeling a long time ago, I told you that.

It's not, it's not going well for me.

Alex: Okay, let's start on the other kidney.

Mike: No, I, okay, hold up, hold up, wait, wait, wait.

Look, this is just going really fast.

And, you know, I'm not excited about that.

I'm not excited.

I, I want, I don't let people get too close to me.

Um, I, so I just want to, you know, not do this right now.

I think that, I think that this is a little much at

this, at this present moment.

Okay.

Consent's important and I respect that.

Oh, thank you.

I, I appreciate that.

I mean, I didn't think that you'd say no.

I just, I didn't expect you to be this cool about it.

Alex: Yeah, no, no.

I, I get it.

And she gets up and she like, walks out the door.

Ayo, who wants their dick smashed?

And like 10 guys start running towards her.

Mike: Wait, I thought that, okay, I, I mean.

So see, I'm like, wait, you just.

I thought we were, like, starting a thing?

I thought, like, we were going places?

She leaves the I want my dick

Adam: smashed.

anti room of the hospital that this is taking place in.

We're already in the emergency room, so perfect.

Pull the curtain aside.

Hey, I couldn't help over here.

I Oh,

Mike: shit, this is occupied.

Yeah, no,

Adam: I was I used to have a roommate, but he died this morning.

So that's the bed that you and the missus were screwing around on.

Um, don't worry, they changed the sheets.

Actually, what time is it?

They haven't changed the sheets yet.

I, um You want some advice, son?

Mike: Um, who are you?

Adam: Man, if I knew that, I wouldn't be here.

I have amnesia.

I got hit on the head.

Uh,

Mike: with a rock.

I don't know if you have a great Yeah, sure, I I don't know if you have a ton

of advice to offer me, but yeah, okay.

Adam: If you turn away everyone who tries to smash your dick,

you're never gonna know, love.

Mike: How many people are I don't remember.

Okay, so again, I feel like I'm allowed to have a line that I don't

wanna cross on the first date.

Here's what I

Adam: know.

When I woke up in this hospital, I had two things.

A wedding ring on my finger, and a smashed dick in my pants.

Now, I put two and two together.

Can you?

Mike: No!

We're losing him.

What?

Alex: I don't I'll start the dick compressions.

One, two, three, four.

His dick is smashed!

His

Adam: dick is smashed!

Oh my god, you saved my life.

Alex: How?

Get the little dick stretcher, that little, little version of the stretcher

that you put the dick on, hurry!

Oh,

Mike: oh, I thought it was one that like, made, I was almost, I was almost excited.

No, we

Alex: call that the taffy puller.

Mike: That's a thing?

Alex: Oh, so that's the taffy puller.

Good thing I don't have to use that.

Adam: Do you want to use it, Alex?

Oh, sorry.

Nope.

I, uh I didn't know that you had visitors today.

Hi, I'm, uh, Nurse Marie.

Marie D uh, F. Marie F. Um, we don't use last names at the hospital.

Mike: Gotcha.

Adam: What's your name?

Mike: Hi, I'm Mike.

Um, I'm just here to visit my friend.

I, uh I saw he was in a bit of a condition, so I just

decided to check him out.

Adam: He's doing great.

He just had a sponge bath, and he should be good to leave

the hospital before too long.

Oh, great!

The hole in his brain has almost completely healed.

Or at least, it seeped.

We've we've seeped it.

Mike: Well, hey, Alex is used to, you know, growing up with a few, uh,

a few pieces of his brain missing.

So, you know, it shouldn't be too difficult.

Adam: I didn't really get that.

It's funny because

Mike: he's dumb.

He's dumb and he's missing parts of his brain.

I'm right.

Alex: You are so funny, Mike.

Yeah, I know.

You're on both sides of me right now.

Adam: Yeah.

Do you mind if I reach over you, Alex, just to that bicep is pretty impressive.

Mike: Yeah, I did a curl once.

Adam: Really?

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: Are

Mike: you

Adam: here with anyone?

Uh,

Mike: I guess my friend Adam.

Oh, I'm sorry, uh, Alec, do you want to say something?

Alex: Mike, did you and Adam ditch me to go eat ice cream?

What are you talking about?

Over like the walkie talkies.

The three of us always have and never talk about.

And you guys were Oh yeah.

It was on.

Mike: Okay.

Yeah.

Um, Marie, do you mind giving us a minute?

Adam: Sure.

Hey, when you're done here, come up to the seventh floor and

we'll have a drink at the bar.

I thought we

Alex: were above the seventh floor.

Not weird.

See ya,

Adam: wink.

She slinks out of the room.

Alex: Man, all the marines in this hospital are really horny, so, but not me.

Alex . Alex, I

Mike: know you're upset.

I'm not

Alex: that

Mike: upset that I ditched you earlier.

Kind of wanna ditch you again to see that, that seventh floor though.

I think, uh, I'm sorry.

No, I'm being a bathroom.

Being a bathroom.

Mike,

Alex: you'd be a bad friend not to because then you can hold it over me

That I, I, that I cock blocked you.

Mike: No, but we cock blocked you, Mike.

You wanted to spoon at the renaissance fair, and we weren't able to do it.

I wasn't even aware that this was a thing, but Adam was really torn up about it, and

so he was telling me all about it later.

Uh, and, or earlier, I should say.

And, uh, you know, I just, look.

I, you're Hopes and dreams matter too.

It's not just me, my, and my trough of ice cream.

We should, we should have supported you too.

Alex: Mike, let me talk.

When, when it was your graduation day and I didn't show up,

do you remember where I was?

Uh, we

Adam: flashback to Alex as a sperm in his father's testicles because, like,

famously graduated from Sarah Lawrence in the 80s, so Alex wasn't born yet.

We flashback.

Great, thanks for ruining

Alex: my story with your continuity.

Pick a

Adam: different event.

Well, no, I

Mike: graduated multiple times.

Remember

Alex: when you graduated the fifth time?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, I do.

Yeah, the degree and stuff.

Alex: And I didn't show up because I was getting laid.

Mike: Yeah, I remember that.

Alex: Yeah.

What about your birthday last year?

And I threw you a surprise party but forgot to invite you because the surprise

party was at a strip club and I got distracted with all the strippers.

Mike: I remember that.

I remember I was at Barnes Noble waiting for my birthday

party and nobody showed up.

Flashback

Adam: to that, sorry.

Sir, we're closing.

Mike: No, they're gonna be here.

They promised me that they'd be here so that we could read the first five chapters

of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone together in the fantasy section.

Adam: Are you the guy who blew up the bathroom?

Mike: Of course I am!

Who else is here?

Adam: Okay, yeah, you're banned.

It's Barnes and Noble.

You have to leave now and you're banned.

Mike: You don't make enough money to ban me, I'm your best customer.

Adam: I'm Barnes.

Mike: I'm so sorry.

Adam: You should be, because you're banned.

Goodbye.

That wasn't very noble of him.

Ha, good one Noble.

Alex: Here we go back.

I'm Noble.

Mike: Yeah, I remember that.

That was a, that was a tough day.

Alex: And what about the time you broke your leg and then I stole your

cast in the midst of the night to use as a sex toy with the cute waitress?

What?

The point is, uh, I feel like I would be a bad friend to stand in your

way Uh, considering all the times you've helped me out by not being

around when I wanted to get laid.

I'm not sad that you ditched me.

I'm sad that you ditched me and didn't get laid.

So go solve that.

Mike: I was with a very violent woman.

I wanna, I feel like that should be Doesn't count.

Alex: That's not sex.

Mike: Getting your dicks I've been there.

Sex?

Alex: No.

Mike: Oh, okay.

So it wasn't, I wasn't mis Okay.

I'm gonna go see what Marie F is doing.

You appreciate that.

Alex: All right.

Good talk.

Mike: Mike leaves and as Mike leaves there is a lair of trumpets Hello, it

is I The mother fucker and I am here to challenge again Because my previous

challenge wasn't wasn't enough and I felt bad that my My challenge was needed.

Yeah,

Adam: Alex, he kind of insisted.

He had this whole, he did so much backstory for his character.

He, he, he insists that the Mother Forker wouldn't fail to avenge.

Would never back down from a challenge.

Never back down, you know.

I don't even have the spoon anymore.

Oh, I brought a spoon.

Oh, okay.

I got one from the storage.

And here is a check for you.

This is residuals from the Harktua t shirt.

Um, great work.

Alex: Whoa, 17 million dollars?

Adam: Yeah, it really sold.

That's like half of

Alex: my medical bills right there.

It

Adam: really sold.

What do you say?

You wanna go up to I hear they have a jousting pit on the 7th floor.

I do, I've been there before.

Alex: I wouldn't be Alex if I learned something.

Let's do this.

Mike: Alex strips out all the IVs, all the everything, takes out the

feeding tube, which all of this you really should not do in the hospital.

But he does because he's seen movies and they walk up to the 7th floor.

Adam: Mike, uh, walks across the 7th floor to the bar.

It's kind of a, um Smoky, kind of high end, fine dining type, uh, oak bar.

There's a, uh, bartender with a vest and a bow tie behind the counter.

Uh, Marie F. is sitting on one of the stools.

Oh, Mike, over here!

Oh, hey Marie!

So, how did it go with Alex?

Mike: Uh, surprisingly great.

He, uh, he understood really well.

Adam: That's great.

I, I I knew you were an empathetic, understanding, emotionally

intelligent guy, that's why, well, you didn't hear this.

Because I was standing outside the hospital room door, looking through the

little window at you and your friend.

I turned to one of the nurses and I said, see that guy right there?

I'm gonna marry

Mike: You're gonna what?

Adam: I'm gonna marry that guy.

Mike: Oh,

Adam: wow!

I, that's So what do you say, Mike?

Marie F gets down on one knee.

Oh, Jesus.

She, uh, takes out a massive diamond ring.

Will you marry me?

Mike: I don't even know what F stands for.

Adam: Guess.

forever if you want it to be they embrace

Mike: a blare of trumpets as the elevator doors open again the mother porker has

challenged a member of this hospital to a duel that's me he shall be fucked

Adam: so Alex.

Yeah.

Now that we're here, you are kinda locked in.

And by the way, I looked at the files and you did not sign the waiver.

I'm gonna need you to sign the waiver

Alex: right now before, and backdate it.

Why?

Can I, can I sue you if I don't sign it?

Adam: Yeah,

Alex: you could sue me.

Alright.

Sounds fair.

Let's get rid of this.

I'm doing it!

Waiver free!

Oh,

Adam: shit.

Alex: I'm passing my medical bills on to you!

Come on, Mother Forker.

Stab me.

Give me a reason to sue.

Aim for the ass.

Adam: Cletus.

Cletus.

Mike: How's Cletus?

I am the mother

Adam: Drop the character.

Mike: Where

Adam: have you been?

You are still Supposed to be at work.

No, I'm, I'm, I'm at the hospital.

You need to come back here.

You need to come back here.

Alex: I'm gonna take a tiny plastic spoon and hit the mother forker on

Mike: the head a little bit.

Oh no!

I have been thwarted!

My fork has been spooned!

He's overacting

Adam: again, isn't he?

A little bit.

Mike: Lena starts to actually melt into a puddle of goop.

What?

Those spoons are my enemy!

And he dissolves.

Adam: The fuck just happened?

Now he's soup, for

Alex: spoon.

Brother,

Adam: what

Alex: happened?

Uh, he melted.

Adam: Yeah, but

Alex: how?

He got hit with a spoon.

Were you not paying attention?

Adam: I was, I just don't understand the mechanics of it.

God, you're not very

Alex: smart, are you, brother?

Adam: Well, no, I'm pretty smart.

I know a lot about, like, uh, the corporate ownership

structure of TV networks, but

Alex: But you don't know that you melt if you get hit in the head with a spoon?

It's never happened to me.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Yes, because you're still alive.

Adam: No, but I've been hit with a spoon before.

Alex: Sir, I, I, I work in a hospital, trust me.

I understand.

You know what?

Adam: I don't think this is gonna work out.

Alex: Yeah, okay, bye.

Adam: I was bluffing.

Shit.

Mike, I'm gonna need you to take me to Cold Stone after this.

I gotta drown my sorrows in the trough.

Mike: Marie, do you like Cold Stone?

Adam: Yeah, I, I love, well, actually To be honest, I prefer Baskin Robbins.

You take that back.

Uh, why?

Baskin Robbins is great.

Mike: No, it's not.

It sucks.

It's only got 31 flavors.

Cold Stone has over 100.

Adam: Well, I mean, I don't, I'll go to Cold Stone.

I don't have any, you know, strong feelings about it.

It's just my preference.

This doesn't have to break us up, Mike.

Mike: I think it does.

I think that's it.

I think I'm a Cold Stone boy for life.

Adam: Okay, can I have the ring back?

Give me the fucking ring back.

Mike: Hey,

Adam: hey, hey!

She, uh, pretty womans him with the ring box and, uh, closes it on his

hand and then pulls it back to sort of, like, scoop the ring off of his hand.

Marie, what the fuck?

And, I hope you don't mind, I'm gonna smash your dick.

She knees him right in the dick.

And it's, the sound is of a bone breaking, which is not supposed

to happen, but She storms off.

Mike: Marie!

Marie, that Now that I know you, I think that F stands for Fuck you!

Adam: She's already gone.

Wow.

Uh,

Alex: Did you hear that snap?

It means you had a boner.

Adam: For the last time, Mike.

Hey, Alex, can you come over here to the to the bar?

Alex: I'm already sitting right next to you, Adam.

Oh, sorry I didn't see you there.

Here are your glasses, by the way.

Adam: Thank you.

Yeah, I took them off to look cool to my twin brother, but I can't see.

Turns out he was wearing contacts anyway.

Alex, I've learned something over the course of this day, which

is It doesn't feel good to lie.

In fact, it feels bad.

Alex: No, it doesn't.

Alex.

Feels really good to

Adam: lie.

Stop.

You don't have to put on this facade.

I'm just kidding.

I was lying and now I feel bad.

I know I hurt you by not going to the Renaissance Fair with you.

To think that something I did Almost ended with us losing you forever,

well, I'm really sorry about that.

Will you

Alex: forgive me?

I'll forgive you, Adam, on one condition.

What?

You know how at the end of the, of, uh, the podcasts, we leave our viewers

with a little word of inspiration?

Yeah, I think so.

Adam: That's been a really successful segment.

Alex: How about we, we go with mine this week?

You can even tell me what to say.

Deal.

Sweet.

Can't wait for you to follow through on that in 20 minutes.

Adam: So why don't we go, they have a podcast studio over there.

Just for the nurses to do podcasts while they're on their break.

Why don't we go in there and record the podcast?

Absolutely.

Mike, is your dick okay?

Can you sit?

Okay, why don't you stand?

At that, um, standing, uh, microphone.

With the treadmill under it.

Yeah, do that.

Okay.

Ready?

Mike: Oh God, it moves.

Adam: Yeah, no, you're gonna have to keep up.

Ready?

Yeah.

Welcome back to the Barone Zone.

We're here talking about season 4, episode 15 of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Robert's rodeo.

Robert gets bored in the rear by a bull and has to stay with

Marie and Frank for a while.

A classic episode.

A touch point in the Everybody Loves Raymond lore.

Robert getting gored by the bull, I feel, is a turning point for his character.

I mean, obviously we'll see this play out, but we were

already getting inklings of it.

You know, back with Marie and Frank, Amy's back in his life.

What did we think of this

Alex: episode?

This is like the Harambe shooting of Everybody Loves Raymond episodes.

Where like, everything can be traced back to this point going forward.

Like it's like Is that a thing?

Is that a, um Oh yeah, you don't know?

The timeline got fucked up right after Harambe got shot.

Mike: It is an internet meme.

It's an internet meme.

That was the margin of the modern age.

Adam: Really?

I'll have to look into that.

Do you have like a cork board with red string on it that I can check out?

Alex: Well,

Adam: okay.

Alex: Maybe, I'll tell you later.

But it was good, and when I knew it was this one, I was like, oh, hell yeah.

I'm excited to watch this.

And then I watched it, and I was like, that was good.

And then I, then I came here.

Nice.

Mike?

Mike: This is both a very strong episode from a comedy perspective, and also is

great from the character work perspective.

There were a few moments that I did not realize and did not like.

Think deeply about until this particular rewatch and I was pleasantly surprised

to find out that I enjoyed it even more than I typically Remember myself.

Enjoy.

Mm

Adam: hmm.

It's a great episode I feel like from those perspectives that you just

mentioned from character development sheer joke writing it's really strong

and I think this is borne out in how popular this episode is with the

everybody loves Raymond fans We start with, uh, our cold open, Ray is going

go karting with Andy and Robert comes over all excited to watch the big game.

It's not, it doesn't seem to be THE big game as in the Super Bowl

because he says we'll do it next week.

Uh, it's just a game.

Mike: just like, it's gotta be just be like a football game or something, right?

Yeah.

Like, yeah.

Could

Adam: be a playoff or something?

You would know better than me.

Mike: No, if it was a playoff game, I'm dropping everything to watch that chick

because that could be the last, that could be the last game of the season.

So no, I think this is just like, it's, it's a Sunday.

It's good.

There's a, you know, the Giants or Jets, I don't know who they root for.

Um, but the Giants or Jets are playing and you, you, you watch that game

because that's, that's the thing.

So that's the sense that I got.

Adam: I assumed, well, I don't, I don't think I assumed it was the

Super Bowl if it's just Robert.

Um, anyway, Robert had, came in, he's all excited to watch the big game, he got

the Meat Lovers special, which is, uh, you get, you buy one Meat Lovers pizza

and you get another Meat Lovers for free.

Um, But Ray, instead of just saying, I forgot I made other plans with

Andy, lies, tells Robert that, uh, he has to work because some janitor

spilled coffee on the motherboard, and all the articles got deleted.

Which, um, that's Ra and I know there's an episode coming up where Ray, like, talks

shit about janitors, but this is an early inkling of Ray's, like, classism, where he

sees himself as Ray doesn't like janitors.

Loves to blame the worker.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been in a situation where you've had to cover

for double booking yourself?

Mike: Oh, sure.

I mean, I feel like I feel like I tell white lies occasionally

on this circumstance.

I think that, listen, if it was just a thing of, um, like, Oh

no, Raymond told a white lie.

That'd be one thing.

I think that we've all done that.

I think we can all understand that.

The thing is, Deborah brings up a really good point that I didn't

consider in the next thing, which is just like, invite Robert Gocarting.

He's also friends with Andy.

And I just, I don't understand.

He didn't get a good answer.

Or why not?

Besides, I don't want to, which, hey, fucking deal with it, you invited him

out, so I, yeah, I don't know, that was my, that was my takeaway, it's like,

there was an easy out to this situation, and I don't know why I didn't take it.

Adam: The fact that he then feels guilty about what happens

to Robert is predictable.

Um, we've seen this pattern before, we, we knew, I think, from the moment

that he learned that Robert had been gored by a bull, that we were gonna

get that same sort of beat of, from like the golf episode, from other

times, of Ray feels guilty and he's gonna try ineptly to make up for it.

So Robert.

Dejected, rejected, goes to use Ray's phone.

We find out later he's calling Judy, I guess, or his sergeant or something,

to pick up an extra shift at work.

So you see then Ray and Debra in bed, getting it on.

Debra is like, ready to go.

For once!

She's like, that book was boring.

And she's about to get to boning.

Um, and then Frank barges in to tell them that Robert's In the hospital, Mrs.

Scarpula is coming over to watch the kids.

The last time I think we heard about her was season 2, episode 23, the yard sale or

the garage sale, whatever that's called.

Um,

Mike: I just want to throw out there, this is the first time in a while that we've

seen the kids needing care acknowledged.

So I kind of was like, oh, that's nice, they actually thought of somebody to

Adam: watch the kids.

Kids weren't in the episode, but at least we know that they're not being,

you know, forced to fend for themselves.

Yeah, they threw in a line.

Yeah.

Apparently.

This is the only time I've seen this in the IMDb trivia, but obviously,

it was probably in the earlier ones.

Uh, apparently, Scarpula is Ray's real wife, Ray Romano's wife, her maiden name.

So, Mrs. Scarpula is probably a reference to his mother in law, I would imagine.

Don't you think?

Mike: Probably.

That's moderately interesting.

Adam: Thanks.

It's, I think it got zero helpful, zero not helpful on IMDb.

A pure shrug.

Queen's Hospital Center is where Robert is.

Queen's Hospital Center is that hospital right down the street

from St. John's University, Mike.

Mike: That's kind of cool.

I know it.

Adam: Yes.

You've been there?

Mike: I, yeah, once, someone broke my dick.

So I'll probably have to, they have that on record, I'll have to go there

Adam: again.

Alex: Ha ha, ha ha.

Mike: I don't know why you're laughing, I'm in agonizing pain.

Alex: It's funny, that's why.

Adam: Judy is there.

That's our first inkling that Robert was on duty.

Robert's in the hospital bed.

They asked him, what happened?

Were you shot?

Did switchblade?

Alex: So now, I, I feel like I remember this episode being a bait and switch

where it was like Robert playing it off like he was hurt in the line of duty

in a more traditional way and then the family finds out later what happened.

I totally forgot that, uh, No, they just played it straight

right from the beginning.

He fesses up immediately, yeah.

Adam: They were shutting down an illegal rodeo in Queens, which

Alex: Which I'm sure actually does happen.

Mike: Fucking awesome concept.

Oh my god, I love that idea.

Adam: Yeah, some of the animals were running down Queens Boulevard.

Robert chased the horses.

Marie's line I thought was really funny.

You always wanted a pony.

But then a big ol bull broke loose, started heading for Judy,

Robert saves her, um, and then the bull started coming for him.

So, Robert says it was like that Wall Street ad, and Frank says,

or that malt liquor commercial.

Those are two real commercials from the 70s, one of which is for Merrill Lynch.

It's a bull running down an empty city street, kind of leisurely.

Um, and the other is a reference to Schlitz malt liquor, which had a series of

commercials where a bull would run through the set, basically, to, to show how much

better Schlitz malt liquor was than beer.

Don't say beer, say bull, was the tagline.

So, that's mildly interesting.

Um.

But probably more so like the Schlitz scenario than the Merrill Lynch scenario.

Robert got gored by the bull in the adductor magnus, which, uh,

he refers to as the upper thigh.

Uh, Ray calls it the ass.

It actually is sort of the upper inside thigh.

I looked it up.

Alex: Yeah, but you wouldn't be a brother if you didn't refer to it as the ass.

It's basically the ass.

Adam: When it's that

Alex: close, it's the ass.

Adam: Ray starts to make fun of him.

Debra's Understandably annoyed, like, she says he's being more inconsiderate

than Frank is, which is saying something.

Alex: And then I liked Ray's response where I was like, I guess he's

having an off night or he's tired.

Yeah.

Yeah, that is funny.

Adam: The nurse who comes in to check his IV is Christy L. Medrano.

Uh, she was a stand up comedian and appeared on Friends and ER

and a couple of other things.

Unfortunately, she is no longer with us.

But, uh, she did a great job in this episode, I thought.

Yes, she did.

Yes.

So, Judy says goodbye, uh, and, um, says this will teach you to pick up an

extra shift, uh, and then tells Ray, he said you had to work, so he came in.

Ray realizes it's his fault.

Mike: I have a general thought.

Of a trend, which is going to kind of spoil where the episode is going, but I

think our listeners have listened to it at this point, so I'm gonna, is that okay

if I kind of jump ahead a little bit?

Yes,

Adam: please do.

Okay,

Mike: so my thought is yes, Ray's a bit of an asshole for, you know, making fun of

his brother so quick after the accident.

You know, comedy is tragedy plus time, slash with approval.

But I also think that, you know, day one, yeah, you don't make any jokes.

Day two, day three Alright, maybe, maybe, if I'm Robert, maybe you

start to tell Robert to, you know, you gotta lighten up a little

bit, you gotta laugh a little bit.

Um, especially, like, cause, let's be real, sometimes laughing at

tragedy is a way to make sense.

Right?

I know a, uh, I know a guy that, um, unfortunately had colon cancer and all

his friends Throughout it, throughout the entire time, made fun of his killer ass,

which I think is just like what the, what the, what the bros are supposed to be, and

he's better now, so thank God, but that makes sense of it, a little bit, um, and

so I was thinking, you know, well maybe Robert's gotta, gotta lighten up, and

then when we found out that the reason why Robert was not okay with it was because

he wasn't sure if Ray was coming from a place of caring, and it wasn't until after

at the end of the episode when Ray changes the bandages, Uh, that Robert realizes.

That he cares about him and then immediately he starts

laughing at his prediction.

He immediately is like, yeah Oh, yeah, you left your keys in there.

Ha ha ha and I just I don't know I thought that was a really nice touch that like

yeah, he's able to you know Process this in a mature way after he has his

first thing of his brother came in I thought I I miss at the first few times.

I watched this episode.

I thought this was that was a really Really well done.

Uh, little, little tidbit.

Adam: Um, yeah, and we'll get to that scene at the end because that, I feel,

is the point where it switches from just Rays being a dick to kind of

a very, not a very special episode.

It's not about like the dangers of spending time at

illegal rodeos, but like a.

You know, one of those beats, which we've seen in like Frank the Writer

and The Ball and stuff, where there's like, and Mozart, like, these

emotional beats between the characters.

They play it

Alex: super seriously.

Adam: Yeah.

Silence from the audience.

They joke around

Alex: a little bit in it, but like, you know, as a tension breaker.

Which I thought, I didn't think that was horribly inappropriate.

No.

You know, just Ray being Ray.

Ray being Ray.

But I liked that scene a lot.

Adam: The next scene with the nurse, uh, helping Robert get back to bed and Robert

is sort of bent over the bed as, uh, Ray shows up with balloons and a bear.

So Ray has a surprise beyond just the balloons and the bear.

He brought Amy.

And I thought it was very funny that that was the moment where the

nurse gets the line, You know what?

I'm gonna get you a bigger seepage pad.

I thought that was funny.

Mike: Mhm.

It is.

It was a good, it was a good writing choice.

Also, Ray's such an ass for bringing Amy around.

I think just generally, don't bring your ex girlfriend, the

boy's ex girlfriend around, your brother's ex girlfriend around.

But, yeah.

Alex: The boys.

Like, that was a bad choice all around.

Like, Ray obviously, or Robert obviously caught Ray for exactly what he was doing.

Like, you know, just trying to make himself feel better

because he feels guilty.

About, uh, you know, messing up with Robert, or just, you

know, turning away Robert.

Uh, and then Robert subsequently got hurt.

And again, I don't think it's particularly Ray's fault, per se.

Because, you know, shit happens.

And like, you know, like you can't, you know, control or predict that stuff.

But, I think it just like, it gives to a deeper meaning of just

Ray feeling shitty about himself.

And, uh.

Going about making himself feel better in the wrong ways.

Adam: Yeah, a bad move to bring Amy.

Um, I did like the line, and you know, I, him being in this vulnerable

position obviously is ripe for comedy, um, the nurse tells him that

he's on a soft diet so he should choose his meals with that in mind.

I liked Ray's little riff about sounds to me like someone can

have all the soup he wants.

Just funny, I like that.

Trying to find the bright side.

Yeah, there's nothing like soup.

Well, stew.

Um, but other than that, uh, Robert makes Amy leave, tells Ray he has to

move back in with Marie and Frank.

That's when Ray admits that he lied about having to work.

Robert calls him out for only making himself feel better.

And then we get that bit of Robert Making Ray leave by

putting the sheet over his head.

Now we get the line.

You can't do that here from Ray.

You'll end up in the basement with a tag on your toe.

Also another good I feel like the hospital setting is giving them a lot to work with.

I appreciate that.

And then,

Alex: you know, you got the big, uh, the big status quo change from

moving forward where Robert's moving back in with, uh, Mom and Pop.

Yeah.

For a little bit.

Adam: The scene with Ray and Debra in the bed where Ray is venting about

Robert not seeming to appreciate him, uh, coming and telling him the truth,

Debra telling him to tell Robert that he actually cares about him, that it's not,

he doesn't only feel bad about Robert's predicament because it was his fault,

but because he cares about Robert, um, quick little scene, no sex in this one.

No good old sex.

Big sad.

Unless off screen, but we'll see.

Uh, Robert is in Ray's old bedroom, and there's an IMDb trivia item.

The remote boat!

is on the nightstand.

Oh, I didn't pick up on

Mike: that.

That's cute.

Adam: But apparently it's a goof because Frank buried the fish in the

remote boat in season 2 episode 9,

Mike: The Gift.

Oh, shit, that's right.

Never mind.

Adam: The only explanation is Robert was so hurt by that he went out into the yard

and dug up the remote boat and dropped the fish corpse back in the hole, I guess.

So Ray comes in, then Frank comes in with all the papers that Robert's been in.

Runaway Bull, Cop Gets Horny.

Can you put horny in the newspaper?

Mike: No, you, well, maybe.

I feel like the post gets a play on words?

Adam: Absolutely.

When it's a play on words,

Alex: absolutely?

Well yeah, cause then a kid who reads it's like, Oh, cause it's a horn.

Adam: So, there was never a headline like, JFK horny

Mike: question mark.

I doubt that.

I don't think they could get away with doing that to a president.

Adam: What about Adlai Stevenson horny

Mike: vice

Adam: president.

Mike: Okay, I feel like you're not even going for a pun here

You're not even going for funny.

You're just listing various people and saying horny question mark.

Adam: It's not a pun.

It's not a joke I'm asking do you think they would ever print that?

Mike: Bill Clinton Or any

Adam: probably that I bet that's somewhere

Mike: that would be an exclamation point not a question mark

Adam: That was his 92 campaign slogan

Horny horny not the full thumb.

Just the tip That was his 96 campaigns looking Just the

tip, uh, that guy's Uh hmm.

Marie is going to the store.

So we have this walkie-talkie bit where Ray just talks into the walkie-talkie,

not expecting anyone to be on the other end asking for apple juice.

Marie is on the other end of the walkie-talkie ready to receive

orders from Robert, which I thought was a funny little touch that.

You know, she is clearly thrilled to have Robert back and wants to take care of him

and be in that, uh, maternal role again.

Mike: I, yeah, I thought, I thought that Marie in this episode was very funny.

I liked the drop of yodels in the little bit in, in the next scene where

she comes in and is like, I'm gonna go to the store to get some yodels.

Such a specific Uh, 90s to 2000s reference for me.

I, I,

Alex: It really, it really brought me back.

I haven't had a yodel probably since I was 10.

Yeah.

Mike: Yeah, same.

I didn't know

Alex: what

Adam: it was, but apparently it's similar to ho hos.

Kind of.

Uh, which I do know what that is.

It's

Alex: kind of like, yeah, like they roll up a, like, It's a Swiss cake roll.

Like chocolate dough with like a, like a fluff.

Adam: Mm

Alex: hmm.

And like, apparently you're supposed to like break off little pieces.

I just I just eat the whole thing.

Yeah, I was assuming you just eat it straight.

Most people do, did I think.

But

Adam: these two

Alex: have an art to it.

Now I want to find one, buy one, and try eating it like that.

I bet you could find one.

Mike: Marie comes in, drops the line about the yodels.

She goes to the store to get yodels immediately before Robert needs it.

At first I was like, oh, is this like a she didn't know thing?

But no!

Three o'clock was her time.

Do we think that Marie was just like, I don't want to change the bandage again?

Adam: Yeah, it seems like an odd time for Marie to be in the room.

And we did we see Robert look at a watch like either I don't know what

happened there, but yeah, he did not tell Marie at what we have to assume is 2.

59 that he's gonna need his bandage changed at 3, which apparently is a

strict schedule provided to him by the medical professionals who helped him.

Yeah, maybe, but it seems like it's something that Marie would enjoy doing.

Yeah, at least from a caregiving perspective.

Um, and definitely not something that he wants Ray's help with.

Um, and something that it seems like he can't do himself, especially once

we see the actual mechanics of it.

So it is an interesting thing that he didn't tell her that.

Maybe that's just a, a little goof.

A little logical hole there.

Oh,

Mike: it's because it forces the, the very touching moment.

We're about

Adam: to find.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, so Robert has to change his bandage, and Ray of course,

doesn't want to help him.

He says he is not comfortable with the body, um, just in general.

Um, but he fi he's about to leave actually, as Robert is struggling

with this bandage, and then he finally does something unselfish.

Which is big for Ray, and helps him.

Takes off Robert's old bandage, he has to lift open like a plastic flap,

and um, he says this is kind of like Christmas morning, if I was really bad.

So still making jokes, and still kind of like, trying to lighten it, but he

doesn't have the sort of, you know, like Mike was saying, good intention

of busting balls, kind of, about this, to sort of, Help Robert cope.

He's just making fun of it because he's uncomfortable.

Yeah, I liked,

Alex: I liked, like, uh, when Ray saw Robert's injury, kind of like,

he kind of realized how, like, seriously injured Robert was.

Adam: Yeah.

It

Alex: was like that, that I thought was a cool little moment where I was

like, oh wow, you really got hurt.

Adam: Yeah, that moment of shock when he actually sees the goring.

Um.

And yeah, that's where it becomes, like, the moment where the audience

is silent and we're gonna learn something about brotherhood.

Um, and it's a nice moment where they, you know, Ray steps up and shows

that he cares about Robert and that kind of breaks the ice between them.

And then they can joke, like we mentioned, Ray's line of,

oh, but left my keys in there.

And Robert really finding that very funny.

So then, yeah, yodels in the hot clothes, they're watching TV together in a room.

What was Ray's old bedroom.

And, uh, turns out the news has gotten a hold of the video of

Robert being chased by a bull.

Probably the most expensive shot of the episode?

Uh, for sure.

Um, maybe of the better part of the season, but Robert on a city street

being chased by an actual bull.

Alex: Yeah, it was really that was that

Mike: was I was impressed by the production value on that that

looked like an act that that's

Alex: the one thing I remembered from the episode was Robert

getting chased by the bull.

I thought I wasn't sure if it was in this episode or like if they

brought it back in a future episode.

Adam: Yeah, no, definitely for a two second shot.

Really great.

Like, I appreciate that they did that.

It obviously heightens, like, the episode, and just a great It brings

me back to the bully on the bus, where we got an on location shot on the bus.

Yeah.

How thrilling that was.

And now here we are seeing, they're really spreading their wings in season four.

The newscaster is Dana Tyler.

And she actually was the news anchor for CBS 2 in New York

from 1990 to March 27th of 2024.

That's

Alex: cool!

So it probably felt very real.

You know what's cool?

Adam: You know what's fucking cool?

What's fucking cool?

She was in a relationship with Phil Collins from 2006 to 2015.

They met when he was doing press for Tarzan on Broadway.

Hell yeah.

Mike: Good for Phil, good for her.

Adam: Good for Phil, yeah.

Marrying up.

Didn't say what the nature of their relationship was.

Alex: Probably bromantic.

Mike: I would imagine

Adam: so.

Otherwise she has to be like,

Mike: she was friends with Phil Collins.

That would be a little, yeah.

Adam: She was platonic life partners with Phil Collins.

She helped him load and unload his drums.

But I found that very fascinating, uh, she was a very

successful, beloved news anchor.

CBS 2 is the CBS affiliate for New York.

Yes it is.

Which you hope that a show that films in LA would get that right, and they did.

And they

Mike: did.

Adam: And we're proud of them.

I am.

CBS 2 might have been where I saw the miracle on the Hudson,

or it might have been PIX11.

For me it was ABC.

ABC 7, Fox 5, NBC 4.

Big yawn right at me as I'm speaking to you.

Alex: I was trying to force it, but I missed it that time.

Adam: So let's turn, anything else you want to say about this episode?

Alex: It was good.

Very funny.

Great.

Adam: The, then let's go ahead and turn our attention to our classic barometer.

It's our scale from one to ten on which we rate Rhea's performance

as a husband, son, father, brother, principally in this episode.

Um, Patch Adams type hospital jokester.

Uh, with ten being the great dads of sitcom history, Danny Tanner, Uncle

Phil, Carl Winslow, one being the bad men who actively harm their families,

Don Draper, Walter White, Alex.

Where's Ray coming in for you on this episode?

Alex: Um, well, he started out, well, I mean, lying to get out of an obligation

that you forgot about is something I can't get particularly mad at Ray

about because I do that all the time.

Like, I get why he felt guilty, but going about, like, like, Ray's more

dangerous when he's trying to make amends than when he's just trying to bullshit.

Um, cause like, I think he just, like, he made Two big misses at the hospital,

and then a big miss when he talked to Robert in the bedroom when it was clear

that Debra just told him to say that.

Um, I mean he, he rapped it out with, while being very sincere right

at the end, which I appreciated.

It was a pretty non impactful, like, Ray being, you know, stupid.

I'm not, like, blaming him for Robert getting gored.

Um, you know, obviously Ray feels bad about it, but it wasn't his fault.

He didn't, you know, give the bull twenty bucks.

Um, I'd give him like, I'd give him like a five, five and a half probably.

Cause, again, he didn't do anything remotely, like, Damaging, he was

just kind of a shitty brother and just failed to make amends and

then made up for it in the end.

Pretty typical Ray.

Mike.

Mike: I'm gonna be lower than Alex, but I do agree with his general assessment.

He was just kind of a shitty brother.

I really don't think the first sin of not inviting Robert places.

It was a bit of a dick move, but it wasn't that big a deal.

Uh, it's more that, like, he didn't read the room in the, uh, hospital scene.

Funny.

I'm glad as a viewer that he was a dick.

But he was a dick.

So I gotta knock him a few points for that.

Um, that last scene was genuinely heartfelt and touching, saving him

from having an egregiously bad thing.

Uh, but I think that he brought his ex girlfriend to witness his exposed New

asshole, it was, it was a whole, big,

Adam: Upper thigh, his

Mike: whole big, sorry, his new exposed upper thigh, and I just, I don't know,

I, there's very little, up until the last scene, that Raid did, that was

good, and I can't give him a positive score, for a, 23 minute, Asshole.

Session.

So I'm going to give him a very Which

Adam: you auditioned for that, right?

The 23 minute asshole session?

Mike: Yeah, I did.

They didn't think that mine was perky enough.

Thank you for bringing that up.

Mike, they don't do that at this salon.

Your asshole

Adam: wasn't perky enough.

Mike: Yeah, that's what they said.

Okay?

Do you want, do you want more notes?

Cause I have them, I have them scarred into my body.

They sent

Adam: you the notes?

They

Mike: sent me the notes.

They were like, we don't typically do this, but you

look like you need some help.

So they sent me Porncasting is brutal.

It really is.

It's really bad.

Really mean.

And what studio was this at?

It was 20th Century Fox.

Okay.

Adam: Oh, not Come Lumbia Pictures.

No, it was

Mike: not Come Lumbia Pictures.

They have a terrible reputation, so I didn't accept anything with them.

Uh,

Adam: yeah,

Mike: four.

Giving Ray a four for this episode.

Adam: I, uh, think I do.

Thank you for reminding me about Amy.

Cause at first I was like, Oh, it wasn't that bad.

He kind of made it up at the end, but no, he didn't read the room.

You're right.

Um, made Robert, I'm sure, feel self conscious, um, in his vulnerable moment

and then bringing Amy to see him.

in this vulnerable state, uh, is not cool.

Credit to Robert for calling him out at, you know, the times where he is clearly

just saying it because he thinks that's the right thing to do, not because he's

actually showing any concern for Robert.

Um, the fact that he actually does help him does save him a

little bit, you're right, Mike.

But the, yeah, the, the Amy thing is, is really starting to bother

me, so I'm gonna go down to three.

Three.

Totally there.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go three.

So we got three, 5.5, and four.

Mike: That puts us at a 4.2 for this episode.

All right.

Adam: That I like.

Mike: I think that's, I think that's generous.

I think that that just speaks to how much the last scene touched us.

Adam: Yeah.

I think that helped him out a lot.

Yeah.

Um, okay.

I mean, I agree with that.

So.

Anything else you want to say on this episode, or should we, uh, move

on to our closing, uh, thoughts?

Let's do our closing thoughts.

Let's do our closing sentiments.

Okay.

All right, Alex, why don't you go first this time?

And here's what I want you to say.

This, I'm going to tell you, this is what's tested really well, is

sincerity, letting the listener know that you care about them, and How

concerned you are for their well being.

So just say something like that.

Just say, I care about you.

I'm concerned for your well being.

I want you to get better, you know, cause a lot of our listeners,

most of our listeners are sick.

They're ill in a bad way.

We, I will say

Mike: we did get a new, new thing.

We do crush in the demographic of died while listening.

I just absolutely

Adam: demolished that.

Because they die and they can't hit pause.

That's right.

Alright, well.

So something like this.

Message received.

We're gonna, we're gonna close out like we always do with our closing sentiment.

Just something to take into your week.

And.

Alex, is there anything you want to leave the listener with?

Alex: Well, I'm going to go right off what you said.

Listen, you sick fucks.

I'm thinking about you.

I'm watching you.

I am looking over your shoulder.

I will be in your thoughts and you will be in mine.

I am going to be absorbing your very being and becoming larger into the world.

Um, and you should feel better because I'm great.

Adam: Wow, that was really nice, actually.

It kind of had like a religious kind of overtone to it.

Thanks, Adam.

You know, the Holy Spirit almost.

That was really nice.

But I think just to be fair, you know, we like to A, B these.

I think let's just let Mike do one, and I think we're

probably going to go with yours.

But let's just see.

Mike, is there anything that you want to leave the listener with this week?

Mike: Yeah, actually, I was, um, I experienced something

that really changed my life.

I was listening.

And I was, I was reading and I came across this product that was, uh,

specifically geared towards the absolute stupidest members of our society.

The utter, utter idiots that don't propose anything useful

to, uh, the world around us.

Um, it's called the Baroness Zonus.

It's a one time fee, uh, that you pay to get extra content from the Baron Boys.

An extra episode a month.

Uh, you pay it once, pay what you want, and it's not even a specific price.

It's pay what you want and you get lifetime access.

So it's not even, not even a subscription.

But yeah, it was, this was recommended to the bottom feeder, uh, uh,

useless, uh, pointless human beings.

And, uh, I know that that's primarily our listeners, so I wanted to, uh, throw them.

Adam: Hmm, both good.

Alex, I know what I said earlier.

I think we've gotta go with Mike's.

I think we've gotta go with Mike's just because I think it's that honesty that.

People really need to hear when they're down.

You can't sugarcoat things for them.

You gotta let them know.

Alex: Can't even blame them.

I get it.

That there

Adam: is a light at the end of the tunnel, but they are well into the tunnel.

It's gonna take a while to get out of that

Alex: tunnel.

I completely agree with you.

Adam: Yeah, I'm glad that you, cause a lot of times you seem hurt when we go

with Mikes, but I think in this instance I mean you admit it's it's better.

It's pretty good.

Mike: It's pretty good.

Adam: Okay, so we'll cut yours out Alex and delete it So no

one will ever ever hear it Burn it from the earth and I got it.

Mike will put yours in the show.

Well, that's so great Mike Thanks for sharing that Um, then I guess there's

only one last thing for us to say.

It's our classic sign off, of course.

Everybody loves Raymond.

And we love you.