Lox Her Up / 4.14 Prodigal Son

Alex: Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University.

As you know, each week you are required to watch an episode

of Everybody Loves Raymond.

This week's episode is Season 4, Episode 13, Bully on the Bus.

When Ray and Debra find out a bully is picking on Allie,

Ray decides to investigate.

We recommend watching the show as soon as possible to prepare

for what you are about to hear.

Also, to all those involved, the Atheist Math League has permanently

disbanded after a debate about exponents ended on polarizing views

on the existence of higher powers.

Adam: Oh, Alex, the, the bus just pulled up and, uh, outside of the dorm.

Oh, finally!

Alex: I don't know why Mike takes it.

It's quicker to walk, but let's pick him up.

Well,

Adam: you want to run down and get him?

I'll just finish this, uh, these peanut butter sandwiches that I'm making.

Oh, sure.

Alex: Yeah.

Here's some

Adam: bananas.

It's five for Mike.

Hi, Mike.

Hey.

Mike: Hey, guys.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Alex: Hey, it's just me.

Adam's upstairs making a peanut butter sandwich.

Mike: Okay.

Alex: Here, here are your glasses.

Thanks.

You forgot them.

Mike: Yeah, no, I know.

Alex: How was school, champ?

Mike: It sucked.

I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna straight up tell you it was not, it was not good.

Alex: Damn, really?

What happened?

Yeah,

Mike: no, it was, it was bad.

I don't know if you've been to school recently, but school is not fun.

Alex: We were in the same class, like, 30 minutes ago.

Mike: Yeah, and I just, you ask and I tell you.

Alex: Okay, you, you seemed fine when class was happening, so I just like, okay.

Mike: Adam, do you have peanut butter?

Adam: There you are, excuse me.

Hello.

I want peanut butter.

Hello.

Hello.

Mike: Hello.

Adam: Yes, I have your peanut butter sandwiches.

Here you

Mike: Thank you for the peanut butter.

Adam: Yeah, I I only had enough bread for seven.

Is that gonna be enough?

Mike: I I guess.

Adam,

Adam: you gotta baby him.

No Oh, no, I'm just making sure, you know, he's growing.

Okay.

Uh, Mike, what's happening?

Are you sh Mike, don't slam the door.

I I'm sorry I didn't make all nine.

Calm down.

I

Mike: I The only thing I wanted today was nine peanut butter and

jelly sandwiches, and I don't I got bad news for you, no jelly.

You forgot the jelly.

Adam: I'm so sorry.

Oops.

So now I have four sandwiches.

Mike: No jelly.

Alex just

Adam: got all that KY jelly, do you want that?

Mike: KY jelly?

I only like JY jelly.

I just, I can't.

Okay,

Adam: alright, you don't have to take it, fine.

What, did you have a rough day at school or something?

I don't know why, but sorry.

Class?

He seemed fine.

I don't know.

Something crawled up his ass.

Mike, did something crawl up your ass again?

Mike: No,

Adam: I just what you keep taking that I I said when you took when you started

taking that entomology class that just make sure the Centipedes don't get loose

because that's where they like to go.

They go towards our

Mike: Adam They enclosed haven't been up there since I started the spray.

Okay, it's not it's it's not

Adam: and you're using raid for her Right.

Mike: Yeah, of course

Alex: Yeah, that's the, that's the stronger one.

Adam: Yeah.

Mike: Yeah.

We know.

No, we don't have to expound

Adam: on it.

I'm just making sure, cause you know, I've got the subscribe

and save set up on Raymazon.

So when you run out.

Yeah, no, I

Mike: gotcha.

No, I'm, I'm, we're good with the raid.

We're good with the raid enemas.

Is there enough deet?

There's not a problem.

Because they

Adam: make the, the extra deet one.

Mike: They make the, I, yeah, I know, okay?

I know.

They, they, they, I'm proud of them for flying in the face of environmental

movements everywhere and they are hoarding all the DEET and putting

it specifically in RAID for her.

I know that They have to put

Adam: it somewhere.

Mike: Yeah, yeah, I guess, but still, look guys, I don't like taking the bus.

Okay, the bus sucks.

What?

Adam: Okay,

Mike: bus sucks.

Adam: I mean the, where is that class, uh, Doris Roberts Hall?

That's like, that's like a five minute walk, Mike.

I, we don't, we're not sure why you take the bus to begin with.

Mike: Because, like, I, I learned in my urban planning class that, like, it's

important that the, that the public transportation in the city is, like, well

maintained and well funded and I need, uh, It's, it's, this is a private entity.

It doesn't, our tax dollars don't go to it.

So we got to support it somehow.

But so I, I feel an urb, like a, like a moral obligation to it, but

I just, I don't know, it's not cool.

It's not good.

It's not fine.

Adam: Okay.

Well, what's wrong with the bus?

Is it just that it takes that circuit to it is route around campus and it

takes you like 30 minutes to get across.

It does suck

Alex: like that.

Yeah.

Mike: No, it's fine.

That's fine.

I like the scenic route.

That's okay.

Adam: Doesn't it all, all, but all the stops are dumpsters, right?

Mike: It's Jason, okay?

Jason?

There's a guy on the bus, rides it every day, his name is Jason, and he sucks.

What does he suck?

Adam: What, does he like, smell bad or something?

Mike: No, no, he's mean to me.

He's, he's an asshole, okay?

I'm embarrassed because I'm in college and I'm

Adam: getting bullied.

Are you, you're being bullied on the bus?

I'm being bullied.

That's it?

I'm being bullied on the bus.

That's it?

What do you mean, that's it, Alex?

Well, you're a dick to him five times a day.

Oh, but that's different.

And me seven.

I'm helping him develop self confidence in the face of adversity.

This is, he's being bullied.

Oh, shut up.

Alex: I make him feel self confidence, right, Mike?

Mike: I gotta be

Alex: honest, actually.

No, shut up, Adam.

I am just, I, like, come on, man.

Mike can handle this.

Adam: I'm sure he can.

I'm sure you can, Mike.

Alexi absolutely cannot handle this.

He's a delicate boy.

He's fine.

He needs to eat nine peanut butter sandwiches a day.

Alex: Well, he's only having seven and he's fine.

Look at him.

He's fine.

He has the DTs.

He has the DTs.

Mike: These would be better.

These would be better if there were jelly.

He's shaking and

Adam: he's in a cold sweat.

J Y jelly.

Adam, I, like,

Alex: I think you're really overreacting.

Why does this not bother you?

I mean, you know.

Adam: Oh, I know why this doesn't bother

Alex: you.

What?

Adam: I know why this doesn't bother you.

Mr. Class President, prom king, mayor, mayor.

You forgot one.

You weren't bullied because you were one of the popular kids.

Okay.

Alex: I resent that.

I was not one of the popular kids.

I was the popular kid.

I was like the most popular kid.

I was the guy.

Everyone else in the

Adam: yearbook?

Yes.

You're the only person who cut out the superlatives in their yearbook

and framed it That I know of.

Alex: Well, I mean, you know, when they give you two yearbooks, one of them

a special edition with your face on it, like, what else are you gonna do?

Adam: Jesus.

This is why you don't understand what it's like, though.

Kids like Mike, and to a lesser extent, I'm sure me, had, you know,

we had to be, we had to put up with teasing, with people making fun of us.

I mean, you can imagine what they called Mike.

Just think about what rhymes with it.

Yeah.

But not, we're not gonna say it.

Start, start towards the middle part of the alphabet over.

Alex: Yeah, you know, like psych and, yeah, bike.

Tyke.

They made fun of his size, obviously.

Yeah, that's it.

That's what they went to immediately.

Um, look, Adam, I mean, there's a benefit to this, right?

Guys, I just gotta What, Mike?

Mike: What is it,

Alex: dear?

Adam: What is it, sweetheart?

Mike: I'm right here.

I've been hearing this whole conversation.

I know We've put our hands up.

Have we been obviously

Adam: and upsettingly bickering in front of you in this vulnerable moment?

That's inappropriate.

You

Mike: didn't even leave the room.

I'm right here, eating my peanut butter sandwiches.

I, I just, there were several slurs that you implied that these people called me.

And I just want to say,

Alex: yeah, I was only thinking of one, A, B, C,

Mike: you'll get there.

Uh, but no, I mean, I was, uh, they, they call me fart face.

They're not even clever.

They call me Farkface, they call me ugly.

Alex: Well, Mike, maybe just shoot one back at him, you know?

What's his name, Johnny?

Adam: No, no, that's not the solution.

His name is Jason.

Alex: Jason.

Mike: Jason.

Adam: That's not the solution, Mike.

You need to Next time that happens, you need to tell the bus driver.

I tried.

You need to cause a scene.

Mike: I, I did, I did tell the bus driver.

Adam: Once you get off the bus, you need to call the principal.

I mean the dean, whatever it's called here.

Mike: So I told the bus driver, and he laughed.

He thought it was hilarious.

Well Mike,

Alex: maybe it wouldn't be so funny if you weren't taking The kindergarten bus.

Mike: The kindergartners are the only ones that have the

spare change for the bus, okay?

Like, nobody else cares about coins that much.

Alex: Like, am I the only, am I crazy enough to see, like, to think

about, like, the fact that Mike is on this, this, this bus with Six

year olds and he's getting picked on.

Adam: I mean it does stop here.

Mike.

Do you make them stop here or?

Mike: They they just kind of were like, hey you you come from here, right?

And I say yeah, and they just they barely even stopped the bus

They just kind of opened the door and told me to tuck and roll.

Adam: Are you okay?

Do you need help?

Mike: No, I don't need help.

Okay, you know it sucks.

Adam: It does.

I know I know, I know.

It really does.

It's hard for people like us.

I mean, you more so than me.

Mike: I just, I want to go a full day without being called

these awful names, you know?

Adam: Yeah, you know what?

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I think you might find it a little easier on the bus.

And, uh, that's all I'll say about it for now.

Mike: All right, well.

I'll go to bed and wait for tomorrow then.

Alex: Okay.

Well, that's depressing because it's two in the afternoon.

It's two o'clock.

Yeah.

I want to sleep.

Okay.

And that

Adam: seems fine to you, Alex, really.

He just ate seven peanut butter sandwiches and immediately went to sleep.

While talking

Alex: in full sentences, it honestly was impressive.

But you know what, Adam?

The shocking thing is he didn't do his homework.

Um, but aside from that, like, it's fine.

I do the same thing when I get home from class.

You know, aside from, you know, go to the dining hall, socialize for a few

hours, do some work, juggle, And you

Adam: usually, you usually fuck, right?

Alex: Oh, yeah.

Okay, yeah, so that's one of the main differences.

One day I might actually find someone to fuck,

Adam: you

Alex: know?

Adam: Yeah.

We cut to, uh, later, around, uh, 8 o'clock.

Alex, uh, slinks out of the dorm room on the way to his night class.

And, uh, walks across the campus.

Alex: Ah, nothing like the fresh air of being nighttime to go learn more.

Hey, Alex.

Adam: Hey.

Over here.

Who said that?

Come here.

Where?

Over here, on the corner.

Oh, you're right in front of me.

Oh, hi.

Hi there.

Do I know you?

Uh, yeah, we're in, uh, this class together that I assume

you're going to right now.

Um, macroeconomics?

Alex: Yes, uh, I, I definitely knew the name of it and don't

just use this as nap time.

Adam: You're so funny, Alex.

Thanks.

Um, listen, I was wondering if you really aren't that interested in macroeconomics.

I've, I've noticed you during class and do you want to like go

out to the dumpsters and fuck?

Alex: Everything's coming up, Alex.

Right at that, that at the B story over.

Adam: We see a, no, we see a star wipe on the screen, and, and we, we

zoom in, it starts out like a, a super wide shot, and then we zoom in on a

dumpster that's slowly rocking back and forth, um, Uh, this one's taken.

Pan, I guess we pan to another dumpster.

It's slow zoom in.

Technically, it's a matte painting of a dumpster just because of scale and

like the cost of building that set.

But as we zoom in, like we arrive on the sound stage

where this was actually filmed.

As, uh, they climb into the dumpster and ruffle around.

Uh, the bus pulls up because as I mentioned, all of the

bus stops are dumpsters.

Anybody getting on?

Oh yeah!

Hello?

Oh

Alex: shit.

Adam: Hey, be quiet.

Sorry, Mike.

We'll get going in a second.

I just gotta make sure.

Mike: But I need to go

Adam: home.

If these are not kids fucking in the dumpsters, and these are people who

need to get around the campus in a slow and circuitous way, I'll never

forgive myself for leaving prematurely.

Mike: But you could just, just like, get them on the next round.

Adam: This vehicle is monitored by GPS.

That's why I can't go faster than 30 miles an hour.

And that's why I can't deviate from my assigned route schedule.

Mike: Okay.

So you want me to sit here?

So just want to make this clear.

You stopped at a bus stop, you were okay getting off the bus, and you want

to go investigate what is absolutely 100 percent certainly college kids

fucking in the back of a dumpster.

Adam: The, the occupied dumpster that Alex passed by opens up, and two,

um, people in business suits get out.

That was a very

Alex: good exchange, yes, I enjoyed that.

Okay, twenty five cents, twenty

Adam: five cents, thank you.

Yes,

Alex: let's get on

Mike: the bus now.

Okay, we're off.

We enter the bus.

Wow, that was um, okay, I stand corrected.

Adam: So Mike, usually I drive you, you know, to your class at noon, and

then drop you off at two, and Why are you out here at three in the morning?

Mike: Practicing the ride.

Adam: Practicing the ride?

Practicing the

Mike: ride.

Adam: I've seen you on this bus hundreds of times.

Mike: Yeah, well clearly, I'm not good enough at it.

Because nobody likes me.

Adam: Oh, I think I know what this is about.

Do you?

This is about Jason, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, it kind of is.

I've noticed, it's hard, it's hard to ignore, Mike.

All that shouting going on back there, I've noticed.

Mike: Yeah, you have?

What do you think of it?

Adam: Well, to be honest, that's not the kind of behavior I like to see on my bus.

Mike: You could, you could say something.

Adam: No, I Last time I tried to intervene in a bus conflict,

that's how I lost my left pinky.

Mike: Hey, um, sir, sir, I think you were supposed to stop at that last stop.

Adam: No, that's not on my route, sir.

Mike: No, yeah, it is, there was a dumpster there.

Adam: No, I'm, look, I, that's the blue line, this is the yellow line.

Mike: I'm just, I need to get off this bus, sir.

Adam: Sir, I'm running slightly behind schedule.

I have a fixed schedule.

I'll show you!

Mike: And he reaches out and grabs the pinky and rips it off.

Yaaaaa!

Adam: Let's just say I learned that day to never get involved in a bus conflict.

Mike: Yeah, that's how you got, uh, so I imagine that's how

you ran into Jimmy 11 Fingers.

Adam: Well, when I knew him, he had 10.

Cut back.

Alex: Oh, perfect.

I'll give you mine and then we're good.

Mike: Well, yeah, I think, I think this works.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, bus driver fingers, they go, they go pretty good over here.

Adam: So now he has 12

Mike: fingers.

Yeah, that's right.

Give me 12 fingers.

It's hard to, he's a great guy.

And then we, he

Alex: zooms in on his face.

Six more.

Mike: I can't believe you still let that guy on the bus.

He is right over there still counting his 12 fingers.

Adam: I took a note.

Six more.

I have to pick up people on this bus.

Mike: You, okay.

I mean, okay.

So if, if we can't get Jason off, I don't know what.

Adam: That, that, that, uh, hypothetical, uh, brings me back.

Not being able to get Jason off sounds like my first marriage.

Mike: Were you married to Jason?

Adam: Not that Jason, obviously.

I

Mike: was married to

Adam: A Jason.

Mike: How many other Jasons are there?

Are you sure it's not the same Jason?

Adam: It's a pretty common name.

It's right there in the middle of the calendar, if you abbreviate all

the months to their first letters.

Mike: What the fuck are you talking about?

Adam: July, August, September, October, November.

Mike: What the fuck are you That's where your mind goes when you think of Jason?

Alex: It's very appropriate.

That was a nice pinky you got there, sir.

Adam: Jimmy, not again, please.

Okay.

Hey, Jimmy.

Stay behind the white line.

Mike: Jimmy, do you want more fingers?

I want more fingers.

Could you ride the bus tomorrow morning as I'm coming to class?

Alex: Jimmy, don't deal with kids.

Mike: Their fingers are too small.

But what if this one kid's a huge asshole?

still Tiny fingers.

Still tiny fingers.

Call me when you 18.

What if I keep, what?

Alex: Call me when he's 18.

Adam: and Jimmy take his fingers.

I don't know.

I need you to take that website down where you're counting down

to when all the kids turn 18.

It's really creepy.

I know you're Olson twins.

One was a huge hit, but this is not cool anymore.

I almost, you know,

Mike: Jimmy, I know that like.

You're a finger stealing maniac.

I think the worst thing you've ever done is say that sentence

that just left your mouth.

I don't, I don't know if you're that It was not

Alex: how I meant it.

I need a fully grown pinky.

Mike: Does it have to be pinkies?

Yes.

Because all of their fingers are about the size of pinkies.

Mm hmm.

Nope.

Legit pinkies.

Alex: Alright, well, I see you're not giving me a

Adam: nod.

Jimmy, what is your stop, by the way?

Cause I feel like I It's right here.

When I pull the bus into the depot, I feel like you're still there.

It's here.

Alex: I'm getting fucked in that dumpster.

Oh, okay.

What the

Mike: who is fucking Jimmy's fingers?

Alex: Twelve people.

Where I'm like finger puppets.

Alright, bye.

Adam: Yeah, so I try not to get involved I try not to get involved in bus conflicts.

Mike: Yeah, you know, I I wanted to be mad at you for like not

stepping in, but if that's the clientele you're dealing I get it.

I I I fucking I get it.

Is this the same bus that that that the kindergartners ride on?

Adam: Yeah, I mean there's only so many buses.

Right.

Lot buses.

I feel like there are of them are in Houston lot.

There are more Jasons than there are buses, frankly.

, Mike: I mean, but there's a lot of buses.

Adam: What do you want?

Do you want me to drop you off back at the dorms?

Yeah, I guess so.

Mike: I guess so.

Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks bud.

What's your name, by the way?

My

Adam: name?

Mike: Yeah.

It's Jesus.

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

I'm gonna fucking the door shut as Mike charges the door.

Adam: We cut to the next morning where Mike is standing with his

backpack outside of the dorm, uh, building alone, waiting for the bus.

This is my life.

Hey, Mike.

Hey,

Mike: hey,

Adam: it's me.

Mike: Yeah, Jason, I see you.

Adam: Nope.

Hey.

Mike: Nope.

You're not Jason?

Adam: It's me, Adam.

Mike: Oh, oh, hey Adam.

Sorry, sorry.

Hey Adam, yeah.

Adam: Were you in like a little reverie there, thinking about,

uh, this kid who's bullying you?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, no, it's been, it's been just constantly on my mind.

Adam: Listen, Mike, uh, does Jason get on at this stop too?

Mike: No, he's already on the bus when I get on.

Adam: Oh, okay.

And, uh, what's, what's the issue?

He doesn't let you sit with him, or?

Mike: No, he, when I walk on, it just immediately starts.

He just immediately starts being a dick to me.

Adam: Really?

Okay.

Well, listen.

What would you think if I rode to class with you?

Why

Mike: would you do that?

It's a five minute walk to class.

Adam: Just, just in solidarity, just in case, you know, you run

into any trouble on the bus.

Mike: I mean, I guess, it's public transit, but like, you

know, the door, it's right there.

Anybody would walk there, it's stupid to do otherwise.

Adam: And yet, and yet, you ride the bus every day.

Mike: I'm not picking up, what do you mean?

I'm not picking up your point.

Adam: Oh, here's the bus.

Oh!

Right?

Mike: Hey, hey buddy.

Adam: Is that your regular driver?

Mike: Um, no, no, this is a new guy.

You getting

Adam: on?

Mike: Oh yeah, I'm getting on.

I'm sorry.

Adam: I pat Mike on the ass to get him up the stairs and then,

uh, follow closely behind him.

Hey, listen, I don't usually ride the bus.

Is it all right if I ride with you just for a couple of stops, sir?

That's

Alex: pretty weird.

You're just like a stranger getting on a bus with kindergartners in one.

You know, old guy.

Adam: I'm with him.

I'm with the old guy.

Alex: Oh,

Adam: okay.

That's fine then.

Yeah.

Okay.

We turn and start walking down the aisle.

Camera drifts across the different rows of children.

They all look incredulously at Mike, as usual, and then double incredulously at

me before it rests on the visage of Jason.

Alex: Yo!

This ride be bussin now!

The Rizzler Mike gets here!

This guy slaps!

He ain't sus at all!

Bet no cap, my boys!

Mike: Fuck you!

Mike kicks the kid in the face.

Mike!

Mike!

Stop!

Stop!

Adam: I grab Mike by the collar and yank him back.

Get

Mike: over here!

Get out of here!

Mike, what

Adam: the fuck are you doing?

You

Mike: caught me bussing!

I'm not bussing!

No, that's

Adam: I know that you don't, you aren't as in touch with Gen Z slang as I

am, or whatever kids are these days.

I know They're

Alex: dicks, that's what they are!

Adam: Well

Alex: Yo, what's the tea, fam?

Shut the fuck up!

I was just complimenting you on your drip, bro!

These are good things!

Mike, stop!

Chat, look away!

Chat, don't look!

He said I was trippin

Adam: Mike, I'm not understanding everything he's saying, but I

think that he's complimenting you.

Mike: What the hell?

No, there's no words, there's no way that that's like, that's, that's like

Alex: he's casting a spell at me or something.

This is Direction 8, passing the vibe check.

And we will sit

Adam: down in a second, driver.

Uh, excuse me, Jason, right?

That's

Alex: my name,

Adam: fam.

And you were, when you were complimenting Mike's, uh I don't know what that word

Alex: means, I'm six.

If you, you were,

Adam: oh, I don't know.

Alex: What do they say?

It's like you're speaking a different language, man.

You were, I can't this

Adam: on Mike's drip.

Alex: Oh yeah, I hear you.

What about his, uh, drip do you like?

It's risen, man.

This man's a classic grizzly with all that drip.

You know what specifically loves it?

Adam: The MXPX T-shirt, the oversized cargo shorts.

The goatee.

Yeah.

All the above.

Fam.

He ate it.

There ain't no tea about this

Alex: guy.

Adam: You know MXPX, right?

The quasi christian pop punk band from the early 2000s?

No, I'm six.

Never mind.

Um, so, if I'm understanding correctly, you actually like Mike, am I right?

Yeah, he's sly.

Mike: Oh, God, wait!

No, Mike, stop!

Put

Adam: the sword away!

Oh

Alex: my god, you're gonna getcha!

Stop.

Adam: Get back.

We're gonna sit at the back of the bus, okay?

Thank you for your time.

Here's, here's, uh, a hundred dollars.

Mike: I thought you were my friend, what the

Alex: hell?

No, it's Dank.

Adam: Put that in

Alex: the bank, boys.

It's Dank.

Mike: What'd you say?

Dank What'd you say to him?

What'd you say his money was?

Adam: Mike, shut the Heck.

I

Alex: thought I was gonna have FOMO missed out on this bus ride, but nope.

Adam: I, I, uh, force Mike to the back of the bus and we sit

down and the bus pulls off.

Low key, a strange day, boys.

All the kids nod.

Mike: See what I mean, Adam?

See what I mean?

Such a douchebag.

Adam: Mike, I think he's just complimenting you and you don't

understand what he's saying because you're old and out of touch.

Mike: I'm gonna kill

Adam: him.

Okay, I need you to take it down several notches.

Mike: No, no, no, no one disrespects me like that on this bus, man.

This is my bus.

Mike, people disrespect

Adam: you literally all the time.

We see a montage of Mike, uh, being disrespected in various scenarios.

It's very funny.

It's very funny, and we don't even need to describe it because it's the podcast

that you listen to up to this point.

Come on, Mike, everyone.

Uh, you, you are very Rodney Dangerfield in the sense that you don't get no

respect and I think you're dead, right.

You mm-hmm.

Or you were at some point.

Mike: One of them were one of, one of the times I probably was, I I lose track

Adam: kids.

Rodney Dangerfield.

Anyone?

Yeah, he gas.

He's gas.

Mike: Mike stands up and starts marching towards the kid.

Adam: No.

Grab Mike by the collar.

Yank him back into the seat, Mike.

Yo, why the river is so

Alex: salty today, boys at eight Gibby toilet.

He's bringing up a toilet.

He's bringing up a toilet.

Adam: I know what that is.

No, I know what that is.

It's You know I don't understand what it is, but I know I'm familiar

with the phenomenon as a proper noun.

Mike: You know, as well as I do, that like, that anytime that any kid brings

up a toilet, they're making fun of somebody, and that somebody's me.

Adam: I know that that's been your experience.

You look like a toilet.

Yeah.

What are you doing in this toilet?

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: Mike, stop eating out of the toilet.

Mike: Yeah.

That's all things that my last date said to me.

Adam: And you're banned from Del Domino's now, right?

Mike: Yeah, which is also bullshit, by the way.

I think it's a conspiracy because Jason's dad owns Del

Adam: Domino's.

because, Jason Del Domino.

That's why they banned you because you demanded bullshit and then you

went looking for it and then you couldn't find it in the toilet?

Mike: If, if I want bullshit, I should be served bullshit.

That's all I want.

Mike,

Adam: let me be real with you right now.

You're serving bullshit right now, in the sense that you're not being bullied.

What?

Honestly, Mike, I think these kids look up to you.

He called me the Rizzler!

No, that's a good thing.

Mike: You know what Rizz sounds like?

Adam: Which where should I start in the alphabet to avoid a racial slur?

J. Jizz!

Mike: It sounds like Jizz!

Adam: Jizz is not a racial slur, Mike.

Mike: No, I'm not saying it's biology.

Yeah, I'm aware.

I know

Adam: you've never done it, famously, but.

It's so weird that they carried that on C Span, too.

It's like, why do I care?

I remember being at home.

Sully had just landed on the Hudson and then they cut to his basement in Limbrook

and some really the sickest looking child I've ever seen taking an absence pledge.

I didn't really But then they got back to Seinfeld and I was fine.

It was funny though when you said You said I'm never having sex swear to

God and then it was like don't don't don't That was Sigma, what was that?

What was that?

Sigma he said

Mike: Sigma nuts and Mike charges up again.

Whoa.

God you do it

Adam: too much I try to pull Mike back by his shirt, but it rips open from the front

No, Mike, that's a vintage MXPX shirt.

Stop busting on my get,

Alex: bro.

Adam: It's promotional for the single chick magnet.

What the f

Mike: I don't think that you should be saying that.

I don't think a six year old should ever be saying anything

close to busting on my get.

We do, though.

Adam: They do, Mike.

Sir, I think we're gonna need to get off at the next stop.

Can we go out through the back door?

That's for emergencies.

We've been

Alex: here.

We've been here for two minutes.

Adam: Get off.

Thank you for waiting.

I know you guys have a really strict schedule that you have to keep to.

Alright, we're gonna go out through the roof.

Yo, Loki, always a good mood

Alex: with you in here, Mikey.

See you tomorrow, Riz Balai.

I grab Mike by

Adam: his loose neck skin and lift him out of the, uh, bus.

And then we roll off the top as it drives away.

Alex: And then as they drive away, you hear the kids going,

Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike Wow, they really like

Mike: that.

That really, that meant a lot.

That was tough for me.

Adam: Do you, um, want my jacket?

Mike: How would I need your jacket?

Adam: Just because you're shirtless.

Mike: So?

I got the mxpx tattoo across my chest, they get people still have

Adam: that little guy with the hair, you know what i'm talking about?

Mike: No,

Adam: he's kind of the mascot for mxpx um, you know what mxpx, you know where

that name comes from is that on their um, They used to be called magnified

plaid and then on their posters They abbreviated it to mp but instead of

periods they used little x's stupid.

Anyway, mike I think I think you fundamentally

misunderstood that situation.

I don't

Mike: think so.

Jason challenged me to a duel.

We ride it, Don.

Adam: I believe Jason was just admiring your chutzpah and your sense of style.

Mike: He wants fight.

He wants to fight.

Adam: Adam,

Alex: Mike,

Adam: what are you

Mike: guys doing?

Alex: You're gonna

Mike: be late.

Adam: Alex, what are you doing in that dumpster?

Uh,

Alex: nothing.

Adam: He's busy!

Class started 30 seconds

Alex: ago.

Adam: Mike, I guess we'll have to leave it for now.

You have to

Alex: go tell teacher that I'm gonna be late.

Adam: Yeah, go tell teacher that Alex is gonna be late, Mike.

Uh, I have a completely different set of things to do today.

Um, but listen, whatever you do, do not try to fight that child.

Mike: Adam.

I know you think low of me, but I will win.

Alex: Mike, that is Wait, did Adam just say, don't try to fight that child?

Mike: Jason needs to be taught a lesson, Alex.

Mike,

Alex: you can't win!

Give up now!

Mike: No, you don't understand!

I know, I know, but I think that I can take this one.

Adam: Mike, you've done a lot of bad stuff.

Uh, when you let OJ borrow your gloves.

Mike: When I gave Epstein the keys to the, to the cell.

Yeah, I remember that too.

That was, that was a good time.

When you gave

Adam: Epstein your cell to put his number in.

Mike: Jeff had jokes.

Adam: Attacking a child might be too, too far.

And I think at that point.

Mike: defending myself, okay?

Adam: Well, I mean, remember how that went last time.

Mike: How'd it go last time?

Adam: We cut back to a courtroom in the early 90s.

Uh, Mike and his twin brother are sitting at the defense table.

So clearly, the Mike Nendez brothers killed their parents.

Uh, we can all see it, they've admitted to it, and uh, Your Honor, death?

Mike: Objection.

Alex: Uh, I'll listen.

Mike: I didn't listen to a single word he said, but his fly is down.

And that's kind of embarrassing.

Alex: Alright, valid.

I declare a mistrial.

Adam: Oh, come on!

Alex: Alright, send in OJ.

Mike: I'm pretty good, actually.

If you, if you ask me, the last time I defended myself, I got out

of a lot of trouble, actually.

Adam: Mike, I'm gonna have to cut ties with you if you assault this child.

Mike: It's not assault, it's any judge would find in favor of me.

Adam: It's literally, unless he attacks you first, and I'm not giving

this to you as a strategy, unless he attacks you first, it's your fault.

Mike: First of all, he did attack me first, did you hear the words?

Physically.

Adam: Physically.

He needs to physically attack you and then it's self defense.

Mike: And my feelings are physically hurt.

Adam: And I believe that because I know about your glandular problem,

but that's not gonna hold up in court.

Mike: Okay, I got it.

Adam: Okay.

I need to attack him in

Mike: a way that looks Like he attacked me.

Adam: Mike, your gender studies class started 15 minutes ago

and you need to Oh, good.

I

Mike: thought I was missing an important one.

All right.

I'll head over there.

Jesus Christ.

Adam: Alex, can you believe this?

Alex?

What?

Alex?

We see Mike in class, a montage, he's stewing, uh, his leg is bouncing

up and down, muttering to himself.

Jason, Jason Derulo, Jason, Jason Derulo.

Mike, what do you think, what do you think?

Burning of bras, for, against?

Mike: Oh, oh, um, yeah, I'm anti bra.

Adam: All of the, the class, which is, it's actually, like, pretty evenly divided

between men and women, because it's important that, you know, regardless of

gender, You know, we should all understand the role it plays in our lives, but they

all uniformly shake their heads at Mike.

Might, yeah, might be a good stance if he was a woman.

I'm never gonna fuck him.

I will, out of pity.

No, don't, don't, you're better than that.

Jason.

Don't talk, don't, don't whisper Jason's name, uh, Mike, under your breath.

Alex: What?

Adam: Don't, don't whisper her name.

Alex: Her name is Jason?

Adam: Yeah,

Alex: it's a very

Adam: common name.

Common name for all people.

Mike: I've never met a woman named Jason.

Adam: Mike, shut the fuck up.

We're trying to learn.

You're

Alex: gonna fail gender

Mike: studies.

Alex: Fuck

Mike: you, Jennifer.

Adam: Mike, my name is Jason.

Mike: Who's Mike stands up in class, Anybody here named Jason,

could you raise your hand?

Everyone

Adam: raise their hands.

100%.

Alex: The professor raises his hand.

And then, Mike wakes up.

What do you think, Mike?

Mike: Um, I, uh, Jason, Jason, Jason Derulo.

Adam: The class which in the, in reality is 100 percent men who are

using it insidiously to try to sleep with women, uh, nod, approving.

Alex: Yeah, I get that.

No, he's good.

No, okay, he passes 100.

I'm, I'm, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm here to her, herstory.

Adam: Her, herstory.

Her,

Mike: herstory, herstory.

Adam: This is, uh, this is what a feminist looks like, fellas.

Mike: Hey, hey, hey, this is feminist right here, this is,

this is my feminist right here.

Adam: Hey.

Mike: Hey.

Adam: What's your name again?

Mike: I'm Feminist.

Adam: Me too.

Yeah.

You wanna go out back to the dumpster?

Mike: Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Alright,

Adam: the bus is gonna be here in 15 minutes, so we better hurry.

Mike: Oh, let's move it, let's move it.

Adam: There go the Jasons.

Mike wakes up again.

What do you think, Mike?

Mike: Um, um, uh, pro and, yes, yes.

Adam: Nobody nods because Mike is in remedial gender studies, which he

was placed, uh, as a punishment for some things that he posted online.

So he's in there by himself.

Okay,

Alex: those are all three answers.

Maybe pick one?

No.

Okay.

Um, that is correct.

We should not exterminate all women.

Yeah!

I guess you pass.

Mike: Okay!

Alex: Alright.

The, the professor stamps a document with the word cured on it and hands it to him.

Adam: I did it!

I know I can do it!

Mike walks out of the classroom, he's staring at his certificate and beaming.

Hey Mike, over here!

Who's that?

Hey!

Hey, do you remember me?

We were in entomology together.

Oh, Entomology Aileen?

Yeah, Aileen.

That's fun that you have like a little mnemonic to remember my

name by, but yeah, it's Aileen.

How are you doing?

I'm doing great.

I haven't seen you in a while, um, I haven't seen you walking across

the quad or anything like that.

Mike: Oh, yeah, well, you see, the thing is, I'm supporting,

um, I'm supporting the MTA.

And, uh, you know, the, you know, gotta conserve resources somehow.

Adam: The MTA?

Yeah.

Mike, there's no public transit on this campus.

Mike: What, what about the bus that comes around?

Adam: Bus?

Mike: Yeah, it stops at the dumpsters.

Adam: Uh, okay, Mike, uh, I was gonna ask if you wanted to go have

sex with me, but I think, uh, I forgot I have a doctor's appointment.

That's also where the dumpsters are.

Mike: If you

Adam: wanna She scurries

Mike: off.

Scurrying.

Like the bugs we studied in entomology.

Alex: Mike, was that Eileen?

Mike: That was Eileen.

Dang it.

Look at her scurry.

Alex: Okay, well, I mean, you know me.

Mayor, ladies man, all that stuff.

Eileen, wait up.

It's me, Jason.

Oh, Jason.

And then he wakes up again.

Mike, come on.

We gotta record the podcast.

Yeah.

We're waiting for you.

Come on.

Mike: Anti, anti, exterminate Jason.

Adam: Mike, did you fall asleep while we were watching Friday the 13th again?

Mike: Oh, yeah, that must have been it.

Adam: Uh, that was a while ago.

Um, I think we may as well just start recording the podcast though, right?

I mean, nothing has really happened today.

I don't know.

Alex: Mike, did you feel like in your dream you learned something at least?

No.

Oh, well.

Let's record the podcast.

Adam: Welcome back to the Barone Zone.

Today we're talking season four, episode thirteen.

Bully on the bus when Ray and Debra find out a bully is picking on

Allie, Ray decides to investigate.

Uh, Alex, overall impression of this episode?

Alex: I think this is an episode that, on paper, is important.

I think bullying is a important topic to talk about in a family show, and

in an episode of like, Full House, I feel like it would've Been felt

like more appropriate feel like everybody loves Raymond, uh, doesn't

always like tackle these topics and like super interesting ways.

Um, and this one kind of feels that way.

Like, I mean,

like, you know, obviously we're all about the family dynamic.

Um.

But, I mean, this episode didn't really, like, grab me like the other ones did.

Adam: There wasn't a, a, uh, wasn't like, on Full House, this would

be kind of a very special episode.

Right.

I, I, I feel

Alex: like this episode could have gone better if, like, they really focused

on, like, the Deborah Rae, like, bully and bully er, like, uh, dynamic

and, like, really made it about that.

Um, I don't know.

I, I liked, I liked the family.

Parts.

I liked like Robert Marie and Frank all like getting ready to like

kick the shit out of this kid.

Um, there were definitely some high points, but like, there were

a lot of just like, like mom, like, like, you know, there were like.

It felt like there were like five scenes where it was like the big talk part of the

episode, just like over and over again.

Um, and I don't know, the second half especially kind of just dragged for me.

But, uh, yeah, not my favorite episode of season four if it's

obvious, because I usually don't say anything negative about any of them.

Adam: I think you're right.

I think if we had gotten more of that scene, like, The scene of Rey and Debra

kind of arguing with each other, you know, the status differential between

them of Rey was bullied in high school and Debra was popular, that's more of

an Everybody Loves Raymond conflict, I think, and I mean, I get that the going

through the kids to get to that makes sense, but at the same time, we know that

the show is not really about the kids.

It's, you know, it's best when they're talking about the family dynamic.

Yeah.

And that Ray and Deborah thing is more interesting, I think.

But I did think, uh, that If only for the long, uh, on location, single cam,

like, pre taped segment of this episode, which I thought really worked well,

I think it's a good episode for that.

Um, that's something that I don't think we've seen before in the show, of Ray

being on the bus and going to the school.

Mike, what did you think?

Mike: I thought, I actually, I actually think you guys are being

a little too harsh on this episode.

I actually liked the, um, I liked the, cause we get a lot of the,

Oh, Debra's cool, Ray's not.

We get that a lot, we get that all the time in Everybody Loves Raymond,

or some equivalent dynamic of that.

Uh, what I really liked about this one was this is really Ray

and Debra trying and failing.

To be good, uh, or to handle a parenting situation.

Adam: Um,

Mike: I actually noticed what Alex was saying about the, a very

special episode of like full house or those equivalent like shows.

But my thought was this was an actual, like, almost like a parody of that.

Cause it's from the parent's perspective.

And it's the parent's problem because it's how do we deal with the kid kind of thing.

Um, and I don't know, I liked that.

Kind of classic sitcom dynamic being somewhat turned on its head.

I, I, I don't know.

I thought this, I thought this had, it has had good moments.

I actually really enjoyed parts of it.

Adam: I, yeah, I think it's a good subversion of that trope because

we think, you know, it's a, an episode about the kid being bullied.

We're going to have a lesson at the end.

We don't really get a lesson at the end of this.

They kind of, Ali kind of is like, Oh, so I should be nice.

And then they're like, yeah.

The status thing of Deborah being popular, I think, does come up again.

It does, yeah.

I think it's a useful, like, it's, it's something that adds a nice layer to

the relationship there of this obvious inadequacy, or jealousy, or detachment, or

whatever it is that Ray feels about that, that the, sort of, the Barones kind of

close in about, um, is really interesting.

Uh, let me ask you though, Okay, we you touched on Alex, uh, the

posse that was going out to beat the shit out of Todd Feeney.

To just run through the plot really quickly, Deborah tells Ray that

Allie's being bullied on the bus, um, or a kid on the bus is picking

on her, and this upsets Ray greatly to the point that he immediately

goes and tells Frank and Robert, and they are filled with righteous anger.

Uh, Frank says, this really bunches my shorts.

Audience loved that.

Yeah, I loved it too.

Made me laugh.

It was a good line.

Uh, but Debra is kind of like downplaying it.

She insists that she's fine.

Frank and Robert want to go beat the shit out of Todd Feeney, who's the kid.

Uh, that's supposedly picking on her.

Then Marie comes over and she's like, oh, I'll call his mother.

And, uh, we'll Take care of it.

So we know that Marie used to do this maybe more for Ray than Robert.

Uh, and I'm sure it definitely had an impact.

Each of the individual family.

I like the scenes where we get to see those entrances of like,

this is how Marie reacts to it.

Um, what do you think of, though, from Ray's personal experience,

the nickname that he was given?

Uh, they're relieved that Allie, nothing really rhymes with Allie

that you could taunt her with.

Raymond?

Uh, not so much, uh, he was teased, they used to say, Lame end, as

in lame, gay mend, go away mend.

The rhythm of that is really great, I think lame end is kind of clumsy, but

once you get to gay mend, it's strong.

Yeah, like gay mend is like,

Alex: is like, the obvious, like, elementary school insult there.

Like, that's the one you're expecting.

That's the one that just like, okay, obvious one that like kids, the nineties

are absolutely going to use to rail on anyone who has a Y in their name.

Um, and

Adam: the seventies when rare is a kid.

Alex: Oh yeah.

Sorry.

Go Weymond.

That's clever.

Like that is, that's like that kid grew up.

And like, is doing good things now.

Adam: That kid grew up to be, believe it or not, MC Hammer.

That kid grew up and then wrote this episode.

Yeah.

It has a rhythm to it, which is, It does.

Is really, and then you see, When Robert and Ray are thinking about things to

call Debra, they also come up with these like, little limericks about

her, rather than just like, you know, saying you're fat and you're bald.

Yeah.

Alex: I'm also a big fan of them like establishing like

bullies use rhymes to get to you.

And then like immediate, then like kind of, they use that as the connecting

factor of like being a bully.

I thought it was like clever.

Like, uh, how Allie was doing that to someone else.

Like, that's, that's like a fun way to kind of like turn the tides, um.

Yeah.

Adam: And the callback of, uh, on the bus, uh, the bus driver being

like, You know, kids, they'll try to find something that rhymes with

your name and then they never let go.

I thought, yeah, it was a really great running bit in the episode.

Absolutely.

Huge agree.

Let me talk about, I have a lot here.

This long, seven minute, maybe, sequence.

We, we leave the soundstage.

We are shooting on location.

We Are shooting, you know, single cam.

It's really, I thought they did this really well.

I want to point that I want to emphasize that because it didn't break up the

like visual language of the show in like any kind of disruptive way.

We just buy it immediately that, Oh no, now they're outside.

Ray's going onto the bus.

We got some interesting shots.

We got like close up closeups that we don't usually get.

Um, so.

Like, that's a big step forward for the show, I think.

Um, but, so what happens in this scene is Ray goes to the bus stop to protect Allie.

She did not ask him to do this.

Um, but he's so motivated by the idea that she's being picked

on, he goes to the bus stop.

He asks each of the kids that she's waiting with, are you Todd Feeney?

Is this Todd Feeney?

One of the kids that he's asking us.

So I'm gonna go through now the credited and uncredited children.

You got the kids?

I got a couple of them.

The girl at the bus stop.

Don't say you got the kids.

He has the kids?

What's the problem?

Why are you thinking about kids so much?

Mike: We're talking about children.

What's the problem here?

Adam: You seemed like they were on your mind or something.

Mike: I, don't, listen, I think it's natural to talk about children and

their punchable faces at this juncture.

Adam: Okay, that's gonna be an edit.

Um, But anyway, uh, so Stephanie Brass is the girl at the bus stop.

Uh, she was on a bunch of stuff.

Um, Friends Uh, we got an ER, we got that 70s show, two and a half, like she works

a lot, a ton, uh, maybe like 40 credits, um, and she was also on The Middle.

What's interesting about her, which I don't know if I've ever

seen before, she lists all of the commercials that she's been in on IMDb.

Mike: Oh, oh, that's, do you wanna

Adam: guess?

Think of like a, um, yeah, give us a hint.

Like a blue chip product, like a, a staple American item that you would buy.

Paper towels.

The big brand what?

Mike: Paper towels.

Bounty?

Adam: No, I mean like a, a, yeah, like a brand name.

Not bounty.

Mike: Okay.

Not bounty.

Adam: Yeah.

Um, I think you'll get one pretty quickly.

Mike: Lees

Adam: Okay.

That's two.

Two strikes for Mike.

Mike: Cheerios.

Adam: Okay, that's three strikes for Mike.

Ah,

Mike: come on,

Adam: Alex.

Three strikes.

Frosted Flakes.

No Ginger Ale.

Canada.

Dry.

No

Mike: Staples.

Alex Staples.

There

Adam: is one cereal on this.

Uh, I'll give you that.

Red Vines.

Not, not as serious.

What

Mike: the hell?

Adam: Alright, I'll run them down.

Unless you want to keep guessing.

Mike: Tricks.

Adam: No.

Let me give you some real answers.

Captain Crunch?

Yes, Captain Crunch 2000 TV commercial.

Let me run them down.

Run down the list, run

Mike: down the list.

Adam: We got Maytag in 2000, TV commercial for Disney Cruises in 2000,

Sealy Mattresses, 2000, Oreo Cookie, 2000, Claritin, 2000, McDonald's,

99, Mattel, 99, Winter Fresh Gum, 98.

Uh, I don't know what Is McCormick Shilling, is that McCormick Spices, maybe?

I don't know, 98.

Spray and Wash, don't know what that is, 97.

Cap'n Crunch, 2000.

Subaru, 2001.

Right, I, uh, I hope that they didn't cut into that commercial to cover

the, uh, the, the horrific events of September 11th, but we don't know.

We'd have to go back and look.

Secret deodorant, 2002.

Tylenol, 2002.

Mike: How, what's, what's her most recent one?

Adam: 2007.

Farmland Foods and Capital One.

Now, we don't know if that's Oh, actually, there are two cereals on here.

We don't know if that's just when she stopped adding commercials to her IMDb

page, or the last commercial she was in.

Um, Kellogg's Mini Swirls.

Philip Morris Smoking Prevention.

Tied.

The US Air Force.

Two, uh, radio ads, KFC, and Six Flags.

She has been in a lot of commercials.

I spent too much time on that.

Super interesting.

Mike: Not at all.

That's okay.

Adam: No.

Uh, okay.

So Ray is at the bus stop.

We're gonna go through them in order of appearance, by the way.

Ray's waiting at the bus stop.

Bus pulls up.

Dottie, the bus driver, opens the door.

Allie gets on.

Ray sort of lingers in the doorway.

Leans forward a little, gets his head caught in.

Dottie the bus driver.

Oh, you're okay.

Ray basically ends up asking if he can ride with them.

He goes, gets on the bus.

Mike: Do we got any information about Dottie?

Adam: Hell yes.

Jeanette Dubois.

Uh, it was best known for being on 133 episodes of good times, you know,

good times, the Norman Lear sitcom.

Um, she also composed and sang the Jefferson's theme song.

Another Norman Lear sitcom.

That's moving on up, you know, that song moving on up to the East side.

She had two Emmys for voice acting on the PJs.

Do you know the PJs?

The stop motion animated series created by Eddie Murphy in the late nineties.

Mike: Can't say I do

Adam: two Emmys many many sitcom roles besides this She was I think if I had

to guess I would say she's the queen of sitcoms of all the people that

we've seen on This show she I would be comfortable giving her that crown.

Mike: That's pretty huge.

Adam: She died in 2020 Unfortunately, so Ray gets on the bus None of

the kids let him sit next to them.

The first kid who turns him down.

Not that, you know, uh, any of us would know anything about being

rejected or bullied by kids.

I mean, that would be ridiculous.

Andre Jamal Kinney.

Another ER.

Guest spot is not

Mike: the kid that said taken or saved.

They all said

Adam: taken or saved, but he was the first one.

Uh, he was on a ton of sitcoms as well.

The Wayans brothers, Bernie Mac, Parkers, Malcolm in the middle, Hannah Montana,

uh, and a bunch of procedurals as well.

His first role was a movie called Santa with muscles.

And it's a Hulk Hogan movie from 1996.

And it has.

2. 6 on IMDb, which I think is one of the lowest scores I've ever seen for anything.

Well damn, that sounds awesome.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: So, Baroness?

Mike: Baroness?

Adam: That's tenuous, but we could,

Mike: we'll see.

Yeah, I, we've, we've had more of a stress, uh, stretch in

years past, but that's okay.

Adam: I think we could get away with it.

Another of the children that turns him down, not credited as, like it's hard

to tell, but it's probably Vanessa, I'm gonna mess up her last name, Elgrichi?

What did you say?

Hudgeons?

Yeah.

You wish.

You win!

You got that big poster up in your room, Mike.

We've all seen it.

Yeah.

Mike and Cher.

Mike: I like Gabriella.

Adam: Does she?

And she hasn't written you back, right?

Mike: Not yet.

Vanessa, if you're listening to this, it's like you know you are because

I know you're going to be president.

Adam: Listen.

She's running for president?

What are you

Mike: I said she was a Limbrook resident.

Adam: Oh, a Limbrook resident.

Well, listen, I've I swore I would never reveal who signed up for

the Baroness Zonas, but let's just say, there is an email address

that is hannessavudgens at hotmail.

co. uk

Mike: You know that's her.

You know that's her.

Adam: We'll see.

That callback's not going to land.

Uh, if you want to get that callback, sign up for the Bronisonas.

Um, anyway, no, she's, I mean, are you sending, you're sending these

to her, uh, management, right?

Right, yeah, of course.

This will probably backfire on me, like, legally, but I will,

I'll give you that email address.

I'll bleep it out of the show and I'll give it to you.

Thank you, that would be, that would be, that would be awesome.

Okay, um, She was in, Vanessa El Greechy, was in a ton of short films in recent

years, some of which she directed.

And she did a bunch of bit or uncredited parts and other things.

She was in, uh, Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular in 2007.

She played young Mormon wife.

Ah, she got her done.

I'm sure that's aged fantastically well.

We'll have to watch to find out, Baroness.

I guess we do.

Uh, she had the, her, her IMDB trivia.

Uh, the one item there is that she has or had a poodle named Charlie.

So.

I

Mike: wonder how Charlie's doing.

Adam: Probably dead.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: If, look, we'll try to reach out to her and if we get a

response, we'll put it right there.

Um, and if you didn't hear anything, we either didn't get

a response or didn't reach out.

Mike: We need to get Charlie.

Adam: Hashtag where's Charlie?

Hashtag

Mike: where's Charlie?

Adam: If the dog is not alive, that would seem like it's an incredibly

poor taste, uh, for us to run with.

Uh, anyway,

Mike: I think Charlie's out there somewhere.

Adam: Well, I'm sure he's out there somewhere, I just

don't know if he's, uh, Ashes

Alex: or not.

Adam: Uh, So Ray, Ray sits next to a kid who's playing a game boy.

Remember game boys?

Yes, I

Mike: do.

Very well.

Alex: I played one yesterday.

Um, I tried to see what game he was playing.

I think it was Tetris.

Adam: Really?

You can recognize a game boy cartridge.

Well,

Alex: it definitely wasn't Pokemon.

That was gray.

Adam: And therefore, it can only be

Alex: Tetris.

I mean, come on, you're playing something on like the five minute ride to school?

You're playing Tetris.

Adam: What if he was playing, uh Or

Alex: Super Mario Land.

Adam: Those are my two guesses.

Like, uh, I had, uh, Star Wars Episode 2, Attack of the Clones.

I had that game.

No, he

Mike: was playing a real video game, you could tell.

Alex: Yeah, that guy was a gamer.

That guy's got a YouTube channel with like 20, 000 followers today.

That guy's

Adam: streaming today.

He's probably Tommy Aquino, Aquino, uh, and he had three small television

roles, and this was his last one.

Uh, the other two are not of note.

I don't know what they are.

Um, so we hope he's okay.

Mike: I

Adam: will send a, uh, I'll, I'll try to hunt him down and

find out what that game was.

And if we get an answer, we'll put it right here.

And if you didn't hear anything, uh, he didn't get back to us.

So Ray offers the game boy kid a dollar to tell him which kid on the bus is Todd.

Points him out, goes and sits next to Todd, or sits across the aisle from

Todd, and just stares at this young boy.

Uh, who is Cody Morgan.

Two credits.

This, and something called The Magic of Marciano, which is a movie with Robert

Forster, a character actor that you have most definitely seen in things.

He's very, very recognizable.

Um, the synopsis of The Magic of Marciano is A 10 year old boy shares an intense

bond with his mentally ill mother, which could describe this show too.

Mike: Kind of describes everybody loves Raymond.

Yeah.

Adam: Yeah, that's all the information I have about him.

He does have a professional headshot though on IMDB, so he might still

be, he might still be, uh, working.

We'll try to get him.

Mike: Did we find anything out about Todd Felton?

Adam: About who?

Mike: Todd Felton?

Todd, what's his last name?

Feeney.

Adam: I told you everything I know about Cody Morgan who plays Todd Feeney.

Mike: Oh shoot, that was, I thought that was Game Boy Kid.

I thought that was Tommy

Alex: Aquino.

Mike: Oh shit, I'm getting mixed up here.

I'm sorry.

Come

Alex: on Mike, the hate mail's already coming in.

Mike: I do want to say though,

Adam: Todd Feeney.

Can you believe, I'm so, I just want to apologize to the listeners.

I know how offensive it is for Mike to get Tommy Aquino and Cody Morgan switched up.

I'm sorry on his behalf, and I understand if you, if you want to unsubscribe.

Mike: There are so many names that you just wrote in.

We're actively, we're

Adam: undergoing an internal investigation here, and we are considering the

possibility of firing Mike from the podcast, but we, we will be transparent

during this inquiry, and if necessary, we will make criminal referrals.

Mike: This is the only income I have.

Adam: I'm so sorry.

Mike: I, I was gonna say.

Todd Feeney gets a really good insult jab in that, Raymond.

I thought that was great.

Adam: Did you fail the sixth grade like a thousand times or something?

That gets a big laugh on the bus.

Mike: And then Ray's comeback is, no, it's great.

It's awesome.

Alex: Yeah,

Adam: you can clearly

Alex: tell he was definitely bullied as a kid.

Adam: Oh, yeah.

They arrive at the school.

Dottie reveals that Allie's been picking on Todd's sister, Judy, her taunt.

Judy hoodie.

She's got cooties.

So again, rhyme meter.

It's got it all.

It's not your favorite.

What would you do?

How would you insult Judy?

Mike: I would call her ugly.

Adam: We never saw Judy.

Just keep

Mike: it simple.

Adam: We never saw Judy, but we hear she looks like an owl.

Mike: Yeah.

So I would, I would, I would have hoot hooted.

I think that that's pretty good.

You would have just hooted

Adam: at her?

Mike: Yeah.

And I would have gotten her a lollipop and I would have said,

how many licks does it take?

And then I

Adam: wouldn't.

Mike: It's because of the commercial.

Come on.

Goddammit,

Alex: Mike.

We're going to get red flagged.

That's a cut.

Mike: Then I'll pu then I'll punch.

Alex: Alright, well, anyway, anything else we want to talk about?

What were

Adam: you dreaming about?

Jesus.

Uh, I just want to call out Ray's knowledge of macroeconomics.

You seem pretty laissez faire about this, he tells Debra.

And then also, uh, when they're arguing, uh, they shout at each other.

Ray accuses her of running, uh, Deborah Barone's Ass Kicking Incorporated.

Deborah accuses Ray of owning and operating Ray's house of wuss.

They scream at each other.

Finally, Deborah calls him Laymond Gaymond Go Away mond, and he is He's incensed,

he comes back and he points at her, he yells bully, and she laughs at him.

Did you notice that?

She might

Mike: be an asshole.

Adam: I think Debra might be a bull might have been a bully.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: Yeah.

I do

Mike: want to say, just credit to Ray Romano, his Face when he came back and

uh said would to to the Layman game and go away man was just so fucking great.

It's so awesome.

Adam: That was funny And his comeback is deborah deborah lovely wife.

Why am I stuck with you for life?

Deborah says it sounds like you've had that one in the chamber for a while

and I don't disagree It's it's a Great.

It's a fine comeback.

It's not as good.

You have to admit it doesn't it doesn't sting like go away mend does No, it's

just not it's better than judy hootie.

Yes Granted you think that's what darius recker named his his band after

this episode of everybody loves rain

Mike: judy hootie and

Adam: the blowfish

Mike: Yeah, that's probably it.

Adam: Hold my hand, um, Allie is perpetuating a cycle of violence, I

wrote down, um, So basically, Allie says the kids were making fun of

her on the way home because of her dorky daddy riding the bus with her.

And so she declares she's gonna make up a mean song about Judy, and

Continue the cycle and essentially Debra and Ray have to sit her down.

They try, Ray starts to say, you know, remember how it felt when

kids were making fun of you?

And Debra basically cuts him off.

Um, he says, there are a lot of bad kids out there and you should stop being one.

Um, just really.

unaffective, I thought, and they really undermine each other with the bickering.

Yeah, they do.

And this was, this was where,

Mike: this is what was the part that I actually really liked about the

episode, like just the parenting perspective of like how the hell do

we approach this thing was kind of hilarious, of like they approach you

in the end and immediately fell apart.

Mm

Adam: hmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It takes Allie coming up with, so you want me to be nice to her?

And then they're basically like, well, Ray at first is like, no.

And Deborah slaps him in the tit and says, yes.

I don't know.

Ray then insists that it's, it was his idea, which, uh, I don't know.

I thought there was a little bit of playfulness there.

I think everything's fine and they're not, uh, you know, this is not going to be.

Uh, too much of a strain on their marriage.

Mike: I think, I think Allie's gonna bully again.

Oh, absolutely.

Allie learned nothing.

Yeah.

Adam: Debra, Debra, real good looking, never want to try her cooking.

That's good.

Eh, it's not that great.

As far as, well, it's better than, uh, wife.

Mike: Yeah,

Adam: I like that one that has a better rhythm to it

Mike: the problem is the problem is that it has a compliment in there

It's kind of hard to really insult if you're complimenting somebody

Adam: but that's what that's what like being passive aggressive Is all about

you see Marie's influence on these two where they go to oh, we're gonna couch

We're gonna like, you know Put the knife in the pillow kind of is that a

phrase it's like, okay, that's okay.

You know what I mean?

But yeah, let's turn our attention to the classic barometer overall I think a pretty

good episode and again, I you'd think I had never seen Pre taped segment in a

sitcom before cuz I'm just blown away by

Mike: it.

Yeah,

Adam: I'm really impressed guys But our barometer, let's see though how impressed

we are with Ray's performance as a husband son father brother passenger Etc.

Wuss Uh, on our classic barometer, which is our scale from one to

ten and, uh, ten is, of course, the great dads of sitcom history.

You're Danny Tanner's, Carl Winslow's, Uncle Phil's, you're one's being the, oh,

and last, I think last time we established nine being Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World.

Who do you think?

Relation?

Alex: Well, yeah, probably.

Adam: Mr. Feeny.

Yeah.

Do you think things could take place in the same universe?

They do.

Save it for the Theory Channel.

That's Baroness content right there.

Baroness?

We try to connect, like we pick two shows and we try to connect.

Mike: That's true.

I love that.

Adam: Okay, we'll do that.

That's your

Mike: Raymond Theories.

Adam: Yeah!

Okay, but that's the scale.

You know it.

You love it.

Mike, where's Ray coming in for you this episode?

Mike: Uh, I'm, I'm torn because on the one hand, he tries really hard.

On the other hand, he does not do a very good job.

Um, he, he really tries.

I actually do genuinely like where his heart is at when he gets on the

bus, even though it's very misguided.

Um, I think it's a good dad move.

I do like the, we're going to beat this kid up mentality.

On the other hand, he gets too stuck in his own ways and never

really teaches a lesson here.

So I can't give him too high a rating.

Uh, I'm going to give him the 3.

8.

Alex: Okay.

Interesting.

Alex, where are you coming in?

I'm kind of in Mike's ballpark.

I think he cares, obviously, and this is a very close personal issue for

him, but he has obviously never learned how to deal with bullies himself.

So how can he be expected to pass on knowledge to Allie?

He also didn't talk to Allie, um, when he found out what was

happening to her, insisting instead to just intervene immediately

without discussing it with her.

Classic bad idea.

Um, Like if Ali asked, like, could you walk me to the bus and maybe

I'd feel like then absolute frickin lutely, then, then maybe Ray goes in,

but you know, that's, that's good.

role model behavior.

Um, you know, I think about it.

I think 3.

8 is too nice.

I'm going to go three.

Okay.

Adam: Yeah.

He was the, the conflict with Debra best part of the episode probably, but also

reflects very poorly on both of them.

I don't think I don't agree with Deborah's approach.

Deborah, you know, once.

Ali to be self reliant and self confident and anyone who gets in her

way, you know, that's their problem.

Rey wants to, you know, ensconce her in this protective bubble and like

face this, like keep her from being the kind of kid that tortured him.

I think both of them are not approaching this the way that they ultimately should

have, which is what they tried to do at the end of the episode, just talk to her.

About the situation, like you said, Mike, not very effective.

Uh,

child, brother, brother.

I give him a little bit.

I'll give him, I'll give him a 3.

5, I think, because I think his heart was in the right place, but

they just went about it so poorly.

They got along so poorly with each other.

Um.

It's hard to give him much more than that.

Mike.

3.53 and 3.8.

Mike: That will come bring us to a 3.43 for this episode.

Adam: We'll call it 3.4.

Mike: Okay.

Adam: You want that?

Three, three tenths?

No, that's okay.

No.

We'll, hundredths.

Mike: Hundreds.

No, we'll keep the four.

Adam: Okay.

3. 4. I mean, it sounds right to me because it was only

a tenth off of what I said.

So,

Mike: there you go.

Adam: There's only two things left to do.

So Mike, Alex, you know, we really are trying to leave people with something

to take into their week with them.

Some, you know, Thought prayer, maybe mantra meditation, just something to

hold deep inside themselves to draw on whenever they need strength, a quote,

a poem, a song, whatever moves you.

And, and, you know, like usual, we'll just use whichever one, you

know, kind of resonates with the audience more, both what either

of you say is totally valid, but.

You know, time constraints, you know, we're trying to keep

this kind of short, obviously.

So Mike.

Do you have anything that you want to leave the listener with this week?

Mike: Yeah, I'm actually going to plug a motivational speech that I came across.

Um, found it on Spotify.

It's by this motivational speaker.

I think his name is like Steve Harrington or something like that.

It was, uh, it was great.

It was, it was a really, really deep speech.

It was, he's a weird, like, kind of entrepreneur kind of guy,

which I don't typically like.

But he talked about how, like, Everything in life can be reduced down to one

simple thing, your relationships, your self confidence, your, your, your

financial success, all of it can be marked down to one kind of lesson, one

kind of, one, uh, one, one dedication, and what he said was, What really

changed his life, what really turned his life around was the Baronesonus.

Which is a, uh, one time pay what you want subscription that we will link in

the description below because I think this is really important for people

to hear, uh, where you are gonna get one additional episode of everybody,

I'm sorry, of the Barone Zone with the Barone Boys every single month.

And uh, yeah, it's just, it, it's radical, it's, it's mind changing, life changing.

I hope everybody takes advantage of it.

Adam: Wow.

That's incredible.

It's, it's great that you've tapped into that spiritual side of yourself.

I know that that's something that you've struggled with for a while, and I hope

that you take his advice and like, that really turns things around for you.

Mike: Oh yeah, no, I did too.

And it's, it's already, I'm already feeling the change.

Adam: Wow.

Alex.

What about you?

Do you, what do you want to leave the listener with this week?

And just remember Alex, like we're trying to, we're trying to like

something that'll appeal to everyone.

Something that'll really resonate with people.

What do you got?

Alex: A reading of the poem Heart We Will Forget Him by Emily Dickinson.

Heart, we will forget him.

You and I, tonight.

You may forget the warmth he gave.

I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me that I May straight begin.

Haste, lest while you're lagging, I remember him.

Adam: Yeah.

I don't know.

Alex: I think,

Adam: I think we're gonna, that was great.

That was really great.

Mike: Yeah.

Adam: That was so good.

Have you thought about like going down to the coffee shop and like It's okay,

next week I'll do it, I'll try again.

Oh well no, it's just, it's just Mike's was just so much um, better.

Better, yeah.

And like Yeah, I got that too.

I just really think that's gonna Your thing is kind of like gonna turn people

off and it's not gonna like I mean it was so good And I really think you know,

they do it every Tuesday night like slam poetry All you need to do is like

you have to buy one drink, I think so.

I really encourage you to do that But I'm gonna cut it out and I'm, I'm gonna delete

it and I'm just gonna use mine, it's okay.

Yeah, I

Mike: think that, um, I also don't think the name would get

past the censors, so, you know.

Adam: And the name was what again?

Mike: Dickinson.

Adam: Wow, that was really great, Mike, thanks.

So, I guess there's only one last thing for us to do,

which is our classic sign off.

And of course, that is everybody

Alex: Loves Raymond!

And we love you!

Goodnight,

Mike: guys.